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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner not interested in grandchild

128 replies

LHS123 · 22/07/2025 09:11

I’ve a 2 year old grandchild, I’ve been with my partner 7 years, he’s not interested in slightest with him or my family tbh; all very nice when they are here, just wondered will things ever change, my grandchild is a huge part of my life, I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner .

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 22/07/2025 10:56

I'm probably projecying but you sound like my mum who tries to force her partner as an equal grandparent. It would be weird for him to be equally interested!

RantzNotBantz · 22/07/2025 10:59

It's your grandchild, not his.

Make it clear that you want to be an active involved Nan and get on with it. How is he stopping you? Just get on with it!

randomlemonsheep · 22/07/2025 10:59

I am barely interested in my own kids, I can't blame him 😂. It's worst when you are a mum, when some people assume that you must love all children. No, we REALLY do not. Mine are enough, thank you.

all very nice when they are here
what else do you want him to do?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/07/2025 11:00

Why does him not being interested mean you can’t be the granny you want to be?

MikeRafone · 22/07/2025 11:01

Why is your do preventing you be the grandparent you want to be?

Meadowfinch · 22/07/2025 11:05

I don't see why his attitude would stop you being whoever you want to be.

"DP, DGC is coming over for the morning. We'll be in the kitchen and the garden. See you later."

Or "DP, I'm going to stay with DD for three days to look after DGC while she's on a work trip. See you on Thursday."

Where's the issue?

ginasevern · 22/07/2025 11:20

Blimey OP. This isn't his biological grandchild for a start. Secondly, men are rarely (if ever) captivated by babies or toddlers at the best of times. On top of that I assume he isn't a young man and quite frankly one's tolerance for screaming (or even non screaming kids) definitely does not improve with age. Do you expect him to go on "jolly" days out with an unconnected 2 year old and feel as besotted as you are? Or for him to be utterly thrilled at the prospect of sleepovers? Sorry but that's not going to happen and few people would blame him or expect it of him. If he was deliberately being nasty to the child when they visit, that would be a different matter.

ButteredRadish · 22/07/2025 11:34

Get rid of him this is a massive red flag. Just like us single mums need to choose carefully by picking men who accept & like our kids, the same applies re: grandkids imo
(To be clear, I’d never introduce a man to my DC before we’d been together at least a year if not 18 months! But that’s another discussion, I just didn’t want people derailing to question what I meant!)

ChiefCakeTestertoMaryBerry · 22/07/2025 11:45

Is he actively stopping you from spending time with your grandchildren or just not interested?

My dad’s wife isn’t at all interested in my children and hasn’t seen them for 3.5 years. My dad just comes to see us on his own, hasn’t invited us to his house in years, and if we meet up for a walk she doesn’t come. She did used to come over on their birthdays but her health has declined in recent years. In contrast my dad is always talking about what her grandchildren are up to.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/07/2025 11:47

2 years old is a tricky age. He may be more involved as they get older. I’d just carry on being a grandma and not expect too much investment, especially at such a young age.

RampantIvy · 22/07/2025 11:52

ButteredRadish · 22/07/2025 11:34

Get rid of him this is a massive red flag. Just like us single mums need to choose carefully by picking men who accept & like our kids, the same applies re: grandkids imo
(To be clear, I’d never introduce a man to my DC before we’d been together at least a year if not 18 months! But that’s another discussion, I just didn’t want people derailing to question what I meant!)

Edited

Why is it a red flag?

I wouldn't expect a man old enough to be a grandfather to be interested in any grandchildren I might have.

MysteriousUsername · 22/07/2025 11:55

My DP has grandchildren. He has them to stay sometimes. I don't stay over then. I like my relaxing evenings and sleep too much. I go for days out with them sometimes, but at their age it can be a PITA. (Constant toilet stops, or accidents, rushing around, not seeing the stuff I've paid money to see because they're upset, want to go home etc) It will get better once they're older, and I think I won't mind once they're school age.

Despite the fact my kids are all adults now, just, the sleepless nights, toilet training, tantrums etc all seem quite a recent memory to me, and one I don't wish to repeat.

I know it will probably be different if I have my own grandchildren. Although I probably won't want them to stay overnight for quite a while!

Why can't you be the nanny you want to be? If he stops you doing stuff then that is a problem, if he just doesn't want to join in then you can't make him. Other people's kids just aren't that great.

Strawberrri · 22/07/2025 11:57

He will be more interested when she’s older -feeding the ducks, learning to ride a bike etc 2 can be v demanding

Trotula · 22/07/2025 12:29

I can relate to this and it hasn’t improved over time. Does he have children? How does he relate to them and his grandchildren (if he has any).
I felt as if I was walking on eggshells when they were around, especially if I was babysitting, although I didn’t expect him to help in any way. As the years have gone by and the number of grandchildren has increased (for both of us) and he has gotten older and grumpier, it has become more problematic as he is very intolerant and seems very jealous of them and resentful of the time I spend with them.

What problems are you experiencing with him with regard to your grandchild? Consider what you would be doing with your grandchild if he wasn’t in your life. Does that look different and, if so, why?
If he has never been a “family man” I don’t think he is going to change now and the best you can expect is that he is welcoming and kind when your family visit.

Lafufufu · 22/07/2025 12:32

More info needed

I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner

Why specifically?
What's stopping you being the nanny you want to be?
Is he preventing or making it difficult to spend time with them?

Parky04 · 22/07/2025 12:38

A lot of men aren't bothered with their own kids let alone a child that they aren't even related too!

OnyourbarksGSG · 22/07/2025 12:39

This would be a deal breaker for me. I’m currently holiday with my 4yo dgs and I’ve got a 12 day cruise booked with him and my DH in November. My DH isn’t my eldest two kids dad but he loves our grandson like he is his own child. Absolutely unconditional love and I couldn’t be with somebody that didn’t adore him as much as I do.

Original poster
LHS123 · 22/07/2025 13:27

Sorry I didn’t really explain more… he has no children, lived quite a quiet life before meeting me, isn’t social with own family or going out much, I just feel I’m not talking about my GC like I should, desperate for GC to sleep over go on days out, maybe I should just accept he’s not interested

OP posts:
defrazzled · 22/07/2025 13:27

Why would anything he did or said stop you doing what you wanted?

Original poster
LHS123 · 22/07/2025 13:28

OnyourbarksGSG · 22/07/2025 12:39

This would be a deal breaker for me. I’m currently holiday with my 4yo dgs and I’ve got a 12 day cruise booked with him and my DH in November. My DH isn’t my eldest two kids dad but he loves our grandson like he is his own child. Absolutely unconditional love and I couldn’t be with somebody that didn’t adore him as much as I do.

How lovely, I’m not expecting this but just a bit more , I suppose he may change 🙁

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 22/07/2025 13:30

What’s he like with your adult DC? Why can’t you have grandchild sleepover (if child’s parent is happy for that)

Original poster
LHS123 · 22/07/2025 13:31

Lafufufu · 22/07/2025 12:32

More info needed

I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner

Why specifically?
What's stopping you being the nanny you want to be?
Is he preventing or making it difficult to spend time with them?

Tbh I can’t be bothered with the moods he has, my daughter said it would be lovely to have garden toys round mine, I’m not even suggesting that to my Partner , he wouldn’t have it

OP posts:
Lafufufu · 22/07/2025 13:31

LHS123 · 22/07/2025 13:27

Sorry I didn’t really explain more… he has no children, lived quite a quiet life before meeting me, isn’t social with own family or going out much, I just feel I’m not talking about my GC like I should, desperate for GC to sleep over go on days out, maybe I should just accept he’s not interested

Why cant you leave him at home and take your grandchild out for the day? If its just that you feel bad leaving him alone thats ridiculous.

Why can he not take himself off for a weekend and you have the GC over? Why can you not say Geoffrey GC is coming on the last weekend of the month so thats a good time to go off on a golf weekend (or whatever)

Separately
if he will not / cannot feign one iota of interest in your family for the length of a sunday dinner - do you really want to be with him? What would it cost him to put ina small bit of effort to see you happy?

If he makes it difficult and is abusive and blocking you from your family WHY are you staying with him???

Original poster
LHS123 · 22/07/2025 13:32

crumblingschools · 22/07/2025 13:30

What’s he like with your adult DC? Why can’t you have grandchild sleepover (if child’s parent is happy for that)

He’s not that interested in her tbh either, ok when she’s here, he went mad when I said baby was on way

OP posts:
Original poster
LHS123 · 22/07/2025 13:33

I think deep down it’s jealousy , lots of other things make me feel it is 🙁

OP posts: