Partner not interested in grandchild

[LHS123]

I’ve a 2 year old grandchild, I’ve been with my partner 7 years, he’s not interested in slightest with him or my family tbh; all very nice when they are here, just wondered will things ever change, my grandchild is a huge part of my life, I’m scared I can’t be the nanny I want to be because of my partner .

I mean

Children are really annoying if you don't like them so I sympathise with him being totally disinterested

But it's your house too if you want kid stuff around the place

You could save yourself from his moods for
life if you leave him. What keeps you with him?

You are scared to even mention garden toys ?

Time to be brave and end this relationship op and fill your time and garden how you want to

Does he have any good points? Why did he go mad about DD having a baby?

It sounds like you are walking around on eggshells with him. I would honestly end this relationship, it sounds miserable.

More going on here, I bet he controls your life in lots of ways.

Is he your partner or your lord and master? I wouldn't put up with that crap for 5 minutes. Who owns the house?

Does he live with you? Who’s house etc?

Your child may he an be adult now with her own child, but children still come first.

Think about your future. Do you want a future where you can have your dc at your house? play in the garden? Have sleepovers? Snuggle up under a duvet and watch Disney films together? If so, dp either needs to get onboard, or frankly, get out.

Also, he sounds a quiet soul, which is fine. However, out of curiosity, has he diminished your social life? Initially, it’s fine to want to spend time together, just the two of you, but have you gradually drifted from your other friends?

A major part of why MIL ended things with her last DP was that he didn’t share her excitement at becoming a grandmother. DS is 11 now and they have a great relationship. He loves staying at her house.

Did you move into his house?

There’s a big difference between him not being fussed about your Grandchild and him being annoyed at you for having them at the house.

Not everyone loves kids and if he’s spent his life not having to be around them it’s understandable he’s not jumping up and performing like a circus clown when your Grandchild arrives. It’s perfectly fine for him to not want a role in childcare etc as long as he’s fine for you to get on with it around the house without having a problem with it.

???

He is odd and what is he adding to your life OP? He doesn’t sound supportive or kind

Big red flag that you can’t even discuss garden toys with him - that’s ridiculous. I’d look to move on to be honest, sad though you might feel about it. It’s fine for him not to be all-in but you sound like you’re walking on egg shells and life is just too short. Whose house is it?

desperate for GC to sleep over go on days out

This seems like a very odd statement to me. What do you mean @LHS123 by desperate? Is this something the GC and their parents would want too?

Why did he go mad? This in itself seems bizarre. Do you live in his house? He sounds awful OP, truly.

What is it you want? A few visits here and there? To be childcare?

There's nothing wrong with him having no interest in your 2 year old grandson. Lots of people aren't bothered with kids or kids not their relatives.

But you said he wouldn't let you put in a couple garden toys. Do you mean big things like swingsets or climbers or just a couple little toys?

Sleepovers and your daughter wanting stuff in the yard for her kid, this night be too much for him.

He might be controlling, or you might be pushing to have your grandson more in his home than he's comfortable with. I can't tell from the information given.

That sounds controlling and nasty.

You get so little time when children are young and that is when the bond is built. Plus he is preventing you giving your Dd the family help she would presumably welcome.

What's your living situation, OP?

You can't have garden toys??? Why are you with this man.
You are definitely missing out on a fun life with your child and grandchild .
And what for ? For a miserable man ?!?

@LHS123 He won’t change.

No kids of his own, isn’t interested in his family, or yours. You knew all of this before. Why would this change for your grandson?

So two options. 1) accept it. 2) leave.

I know you don’t want to do either, hence hoping he will change. But he’s not going to

Yeah I can’t understand this at all as my own FIL is technically a Step FIL but you’d never know. He adores my 2 year old as if she’s his biological granddaughter and DD loves him too.
He’s very old school in so many ways, but he utterly adores MIL. He’d do anything to make her happy, including loving her family like his own. He doesn’t have to by any means but understands that all the children and grandchildren are part of the package.
As someone else said you sort of have to decide whether you put up with it or leave, because he won’t change.
I wouldn’t let him dictate things like not have garden toys or having the grandchildren to stay. It’s YOUR home too and YOUR family. He can stay miserable all he wants but don’t let him grind you down and ruin your relationships with your family.

There's a world of difference between being not overly fussed or bothered about children and being angry ("going mad") and shutting down any conversation about keeping toys at your house. I think the former can be worked around, but the latter? No, I wouldn't have an resentful, jealous * around my precious DGCs.

Doesn't like to socialise
Doesn't like going out
Doesn't like being with his family
Doesn't like being with your family
Doesn't like YOU being with your family
Doesn't care about your grandchild
Doesn't want to see your grandchild
Doesn't want your grandchild to have toys at your home

Fucking hell OP. He sounds like the most miserable bastard on earth.

Imagine your own home, filled with love and grandkids and toys and happiness, plus you won't be walking on eggshells

Leaving him is a total no brainer. Imagine your life when you're both older.

Not only is he happy being a miserable twat, he wants you to be one too. Does he even like you? I can't tell.

honestly I think at this point you’ve got to make a choice between your partner or your children and their families. He is going to make you become
more and more distant from your kids and grandkids as time goes on sadly

He’s always been like this, he was never going to change because you had GC, it’s who he is.

Bigger question is, why have you spent 7 years with someone you aren’t compatible with ?

Hes a miserable git, get rid of him and enjoy your grandchild.