To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

The mortgage in principle is the absolute maximum that I can afford - it’s a sad reality that £15k would indeed push me over the edge. I really don’t need any more credit card debt at my age - I’ve got enough as it is due to the divorce!

This…
the options are buying a house she’s less happy with, or you buy the house effectively together, with her bit of deposit ring fenced.

On the other hand, the 19 year old DD still wants her mother to house her ?

We have previously “borrowed” money off kids savings to pay for school fees etc but have or have plans to pay them back. However, they were still completely dependent on us so were not looking to go travelling or buy a house themselves. Not sure if I would do it if DC were 19

It's not just tonight. I swear a good half of posters on mumsnet never actually read posts before replying to them. Maybe they just read the heading and reply to that.

Read the thread. It is NOT in a trust fund.

You are showing your daughter that you cannot be trusted.

It is not her fault that you divorced and she should not have to pick up the pieces of your new financial situation.

At 19 she will soon be living on her own so you buying a house is ultimately going to benefit you long term not her.

I know it’s not the point of the thread but… why are you calling it her trust fund when it’s not, in fact, in any sort of trust? It’s savings which are in your name but you have mentally ringfenced for her..

apart from that I echo what others have said: tell her you can either buy the less desirable house and ‘her’ money is all hers, or she can think of it as contributing money so that you can afford the better house.

she is 19 though, and if she’s never had to budget /truly go without, then the concept of having to give something up may be new ! (Ie she thinks if she stamps her feet enough she can have both: keep the money and you will somehow manage to buy the idea house. This isn’t a criticism of your parenting, I was a bit like that at that age…)

Similar aged DC. Similarly put away £s from DM and DF. Life also not worked out way hoped (same for many). Would never do this. Their £s we all saved is theirs. Take on a side gig. Get a smaller home. Rent for a bit. You made a promise and 💯 not right to go back on it. Apologise to your DD, explain your reasons and find another way.

I come from a broken family where my father 'borrowed ' money from my brother when he was younger and never paid it back. The family is completely divided 25 years later with estrangement in several different directions and half of us not speaking to the other half.

All because of money! Don't do it!

Take your money and buy your house

It’s not difficult to hit read all OP posts when replying to a thread that has lots of posts is it. Unless this is someone’s first ever time on mumsnet we all know stories change as OPs tell them.

She.didn't put it in a trust fund its in a savings account in the Ops name !

Live within your means and keep your hands off of your daughters money.

If she's 20, don't you need her to agree to take the money (back)?
Also, I would be out of there asap, if I was her.

I think your DD is being very unreasonable- this is your money, which you intended to give to her at some stage in the future. Circumstances have seriously changed, and she's old enough to understand that you need this money now.

If she's your only child, she'll get it all when you die.

I don't think you should promise to give her back the money by a certain date, that puts a lot of pressure on you.

You still intend on giving her £15k, which is a lot. It doesn't sound as if there is something specific she intended to spend the money on, that she can't do now eg pilot training.

£15k will make a decent dent in living costs if she goes away for university, would fund an amazing backpacking trip, could cover a car and deposit and a few months rent, would more than cover costs to go to Australia or Canada on a working holiday visa.

I think you need to buy the house that you, and she, likes, and if she won't listen to you, write it out for her. She doesn't sound anywhere near mature enough to handle £30k, even with £15k there's a risk that she could end up with little to show for it.

I suppose you have two choices. The first is accepting that this property is out of your current means. Buy something smaller or in a different area. The second is ask your daughter as an adult. If your daughter wants to contribute, explain it would enable you to buy this particular house that she may wish to live in short time and explain it would be an investment. Perhaps the £15k becomes more and she inherits the house (in which case you could give her a percentage ownership - the benefit of that is if you don’t die within 7 years she avoids capital gains tax) or you could sell it in 5 or 10 years and use the money to buy her a different properly. This still leaves £15k for travel etc. It makes financial sense but it’s her choice as you’ve essentially made it her money. The one thing you can’t do is take this money for yourself as that’s unfair and breaking trust!

It’s in a savings account under my name - it has been ring fenced for DD and untouched since DF died (she would’ve been aged 2)

Stop calling it a trust fund - it's not.

It's your savings that you've planned to give your DD.

That is two very different scenarios - legally and morally.

It's impossible to say.

The S&P500 was recovering from a massive crash in 2008 due to the financial crisis.

It is now near all time highs, so the upside seems to be more constrained.

With that being said, the S&P500 has generated an average annual return of over 10% since 1957.

https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/042415/what-average-annual-return-sp-500.asp

If you can invest the money for at least five years, then it's probably better to be in stocks and shares.

I invest in VUAG which is a Vanguard S&P500 passive accumulation fund (all the dividends are automatically reinvested to increase the share price). The ongoing charge is 0.1%, which is pretty decent.

I'm not a financial advisor and this is just a bit of friendly information.

@BlueFlamingo55 what exactly did you promise your daughter?

If £15k was ringfenced when your DD was 2 years old, and that is now worth £30k due to interest, then I'd take the £15k interest and still give your daughter the £15k.

If you promised her £30k then you can't really renege on that. But... she needs to compromise on the house! She can't have her cake and eat it.

You could suggest that the £15k becomes a percentage of the house, BUT... you'd then need to remind her than she would then become ineligible for any first time buyer discounts.

The OP doesn't need her DDs agreement as the money is in, and has always been in, the OPs name

I agree. If there was any way you could pay it back, you could borrow it, but it looks as though that wouldn't be possible.

Does it have to be that house? You say your daughter won't consider anything else or less but she is nineteen, not nine, and likely to fly the nest before too long anyway.

Find another house that you can afford without dipping into your daughter's trust fund.

If you'd simply put it aside but now things are not going well, you need to have a conversation with your daughter about how things have become difficult.

If this is actually a trust fund and you're considering raiding it, that's dishonest and she could take you to court.

There is no point where anyone should regard their children as a financial asset.

I don't think you can take your dd's money if you have told her this is her money. Could you rent for a couple of years in your preferred location and ask your dd to contribute now she is an adult? When she moves out you could look to buy somewhere smaller?

I think everyone’s got themselves in a lather over nothing. OP, you described it as a trust fund when actually it’s your inheritance in a savings account in your name. Yes, it’s been promised to your daughter but your circumstances have changed. Use half for the deposit and like others have said, ring fence that part for her.

Ignore all the faux outrage from people who haven’t read the later posts!

It was clear from the start it wasn’t in her daughter’s name as she is an adult. You cannot just take someone else’s savings when they don’t agree. Yes wrong terminology was used, but it was clear the money was in OPs name or she couldn’t have done what she did.