To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

OP, will she not be the sole beneficiary of the new house should something happen to you? Just wondering. The new house will be more than £15k eventually so in the long run she gets £15k in the bank plus the value of your house (as her inheritance) unless you need it for care…

It's very simple "we can have house A but you will only get 15k or you can have 30k but then we can only have house b or c"

Why would you not purchase a property in both of your names if you are using some of her money?
Build up equity I that Propert over the next, say, 5 years and then sell it and then you can give her her trust fund to buy her own place?

It’s a really sh&@y thing to do. You should have asked her and accepted her answer.

Young people today want it all now and why should she think of her mother. The op has the boyfriend to tend with next I guarantee her daughter will choose her boyfriend over her mother if there is any disagreement.

Congratulations on putting a price on trust. She will never trust you again. And rightly so.

No it is not fair to put that responsibility on the dd.

'I can only afford this however I'll make it homely and you of course can stay until you get your own place. Here's your inheritance as promised'. The end.

As I said like a school playground 🙄

Yes, you are.

I understand why she is upset. I think you need to be very open with her and explain the situation ie that she has a choice. You can go for a cheaper property and she has the full 30k or you go for the property you both like and then perhaps you top up that fund later when finances are better. You can’t tell someone you’re giving them 30k and then suddenly take away half the money (or at least not without expecting a bitter reaction). Explain the circumstances and let her make the choice rather than make it for her.

I’ve just read this. Even better.

Bless you seem very young and childish and way past your bedtime. Leave this thread to the grown ups.

In the OP's case, the point is to have a roof over her head that is paid for by the time she retires. It could make the difference between a very impoverished old age and a comfortable retirement with the possibility of leaving something to her daughter.

Very well put.

That the best you can muster up? 🤣 Took you 12 minutes as well.

Because someone who is not much interested in your comfort and who cares more about expensive holidays than long term financial security is not someone you want on the deeds of your property.

I agree. The ageism on this thread that's why she has so many responses trying to guilt trip her.

You could try a few things, but the key point is that she is still expecting you to house her in a nice house in a nice area so she needs to understand real life and money not growing on trees.

1. A deed of trust so that when the house is sold 15% or whatever her portion buys goes to her.

1. Tell her you'll pay it back gradually and put £500 a month back into her account over two years. Or you could take this off the rent that she owes you to live at home, so no rent for three years and then she needs to start paying rent.

1. Explains you'll need a smaller home

If she wants this money and she'll have to pay rent elsewhere.

The lesson for me is not to tell my son I've saved money for him until I'm at the point on handing it over to him!

Daughter would then lose her rights as a first time buyer when she's ready to sell.

Op I think if your daughter wants the money she needs to accept that you'll only be able to afford a one bedroom flat and won't be able to house her. She'll have to use that money on a deposit for a place of her own.

The op plans to live there for good. She's getting a substantial inheritance the fucking entitlement is shocking.

Yup this. Daughter will need to get over it and speak to mum again if she wants the 15k

You really are making a show of yourself now, actually timing how long it takes for a person to respond to your child like responses only goes to show you are sitting waiting.

Wow, you are really displaying playground behaviour. Talk about ironic 🤣

Why didn't you tell her in order to get the house you would have to use the $15k beforehand?

You told her, so now you must give her the money.

If you hadn't told her, I would have said its fine to use for your home as you'd surely release equity or downsize later in life to give her money.

Why on earth dud you tell her. Too late now. Don't wreck your relationship. Apologise and give her the money.