To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

It is unclear whether OP is willing to buy in a less nice area. I genuinely wonder but there is no evidence, so it is not a fair assumption.

She's asking for opinions? Posters then offer their opinion, it's how it works so yes while it is nothing to do with me it's my opinion.

This attitude of some things being untouchable even if it causes much bigger financial issues is why people don't get ahead.

I recently had the opportunity to buy some property that will benefit my kids in a few years time, but to do so, I had to take out a small loan because my savings weren't enough, and I borrowed a couple of grand from their savings (the loan I could get wasn't quite enough). This was a stretch now, or lose the opportunity forever situation.

I was completely open with them about it, they understand interest, and that I will pay them interest on their money that I borrowed, they see the future benefit to them of the property. Mind you, they're also not the kind of kids that will blow it all on computer games (hence them having a couple of grand in savings between them). This is how our family will thrive.

If I'd missed out, or borrowed the money at 25% on credit cards rather than use the money that was just sitting there earning virtually no interest then that would have been foolish. This way, my kids get the future benefit, they get the interest I'll pay them on the money of theirs I borrowed, and the whole family is richer for it.

Probably not super relevant to the thread but I sincerely hope people are using the term ‘savings account’ as a generic term and the money is really invested in an index fund or some other investment vehicle.

If you all are really just parking it in a savings account please move it and invest it! Use this thread as a a learning experience!

Why is it bizarre? You don't think taking 'ring fenced' money from a dc with their whole lives and opportunities ahead of them more bizarre and rather unpleasant?

Because my parents needed the money for the emergency, it was at a very favourable rate, and it was during the overlap period when you could get a small loan as well as the grant.

Yes, my student loans are all paid off, many years ago, as I don't think they were more than about 10k in total anyway (due to the aforementioned lower amount of them - I was also pre-university fees).

Credit is a tool. Using money wisely is sensible.

She said in her first post she agrees with her daughter and similar in another post. If you look at the question in the first post it’s not ‘should I buy the cheaper house or use the daughter’s money’ it’s ’Am I the worst mum in the world for using daughter’s money’.

It’s a done deal.

Different situation than the OP’s but a good example of when it’s ok to use your kid’s money and a great first lesson on investing.

I love this!

'I recently had the opportunity to buy some property that will benefit my kids in a few years time, but to do so, I had to take out a small loan because my savings weren't enough, and I borrowed a couple of grand from their savings'

Really? So you're talking about property which usually involves tens if not hundreds of thousands but you had to dip into their piggy bank to borrow a 2k? Seems funny that the small loan wouldn't cover that amount which regarding property is peanuts, but regarding kids savings isn't.

OK - I get it, you have some weird axe to grind about me and finessing finances. But it's true. Yep, it was over 100k, I had most of it in cash, I maxed out the loan I could get, and I was still a couple of grand short to cover the fees.

It happens. How often do you hear about people putting their house purchase solicitors fees on credit cards? I hear it quite often.

Reading some of the answers to this thread - the apologists' entitlement to money for a daughter given everything by her mom, the lack of love and understanding what's she done for her, the difficult circumstances her mother is living after a divorce trying to secure affordable accommodation for both - it's no wonder some of us think the UK society is going down to hell in a handbasket.

I know this thread is a microcosmos of the social reality in the UK. But frankly, it's a sobering reading.

Have you not read anything? Its in the OP's name, its the OP's money!

Jesus, some of these replies.

It was 17yrs ago the OP ring fenced the money, life changes and now the OP needs half of it to ensure she has a decent house.

The brat should be grateful she's getting anything. Being gifted £15k that she plans to blow on travelling etc is unbelievably generous and she should be on her knees thanking her mother.

Something similar happened to us. Our son lent us £20k to move and we recently paid it back with interest. That allowed us to buy a bigger house ( on his suggestion between house choices) that has made over 30% in two and a half years (we updated after it being a rental with a history!) . Our son is being gifted some of that profit for his house purchase. He helped renovate.

Well she either lives in the area she 'refuses' to live in, or she helps you out- seems simple in my eyes.

Agreed!!

The OP might need care in her old age etc. Travelling could lead to language acquisition or skills that mean she gets a better paying job enabling her to be more financially secure. Lots of different scenarios.

Exactly. This is perfectly normal behaviour to my mind.

The idea that OP's daughter would blow the money travelling rather than temporarily loan it to her mum to allow them to buy a property that benefits them both absolutely blows my mind with the shortsightedness of it.

Mind you, since it's not actually her money yet anyway, even though it was promised to her (and life changes unfortunately - ie. the divorce), that makes it all the madder. I understand the daughter being upset, but, sometimes you have to wait a bit because life gets in the way.

Totally agree with you.

She's old enough to make a choice. Nicer house or more cash. I don't think you should spend it against her will though, unless it's that or homelessness. Really you shouldn't have told her it's her money unless it was actually hers. Shit happens, things change but if it was her money it should have been invested in her name years ago.

I posted earlier. I think OP should buy within her means and not be swayed by DD’s refusal to consider these places

Whether it’s a done deal is a question of how you interpret the first post

A number of us think OP should buy within her means

The 'brat'?

Yep, life changes but the op's failed marriage is not the dd's fault.

The op is at fault for telling her about the money in the first place, but she did and now must be a parent, put her dd first and stick to the agreement.

I’m one of those people. I don’t think she can afford it even with the 15K.

Oh I see and there was me thinking she was asking for advice but that is impossible on these threads because some posters just get a kick out of making posters feel rubbish about themselves.