To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

Does she appreciate that £15k will be going towards her future home and, I presume, the property she will one day inherit? What is she expecting you to do to make up the shortfall if you can't use the money in your inheritance account?

If she wants to go down the "constructive trust" route saying the money was promised to her and she can prove a legal case for this, you might want to point out that it was "on trust" for university, car and house deposit, not spunking on a gap year.

Exactly this.

Tell your DD the only way the house she wants to live in is possible is if you use half the money. Tell her you understand that she's upset at being unable to have both house and money, but that's out of your control. You can't conjure up money out of thin air to give her everything she wants. Remind her that the majority of young people do not have £15k, never mind £30k for their 'travel plans' unless they earn it. Many young people do not live in their ideal home either, so on either count she is extremely privileged. Tell her that you prioritise her and her needs from your money, and always have, so her accusation of 'stealing' from her is unfair and inappropriate. Then ask her, what's it to be, house or money?

@BlueFlamingo55 it’s your money, it was your inheritance from your dad, it’s not her money and she doesn’t get to dictate what you do with it.

If anything, she should be grateful that you put anything aside. Xx

I think you should have asked her for the money, and she should have offered to help you by lending it to you at this time.

Of course since she doesn't want to give it to you, then it would be mean to take it because it is her money now.

Simply charge her rent and monthly bills and if she doesn't want to pay that, buy a smaller / cheaper house and she can live elsewhere.

I would think nothing of giving my parents money to help them out in such a situation, but they would not simply 'take' it from me even if it was money they initially gave to me.

I wouldn't be happy with her attitude either, I'd be livid. She sounds horribly entitled to money that wasn't left to her. You put part of the inheritance received from your DF in a trust fund, as many of us do when planning/thinking about the future of our kids. But it's NOT her money, never was. It was yours.

Your DD doesn't care about your struggles to get a loan, and only wants the money. She has a job, works overtime, you support her 24/7....but she's still going ballistic with you. Frankly, close the trust fund, take all the money and tell her to grow up.

Op, you can not afford to give your daughter your 'trust fund'.
It is your inheritance.
Use at least eighty percent for the new home.
It will save you interest and it is the best investment for your daughter and you.

Your daughter can get some help later in life when she is more frugal of mind. Splurging on holidays is a useless waste of money - that is amoral..
Your daughter is not a trust fund child.
You are both unrealistic to think that is sensible.

Give her 'her' £30k and buy yourself a one bedroom flat or house. She can fund her own property from what is essentially your inheritance that you chose to give to her when times were better financially. It's a shame she's neither mature or generous enough to give you some of it back now times are tougher.

There is so much wrong with this post. Firstly, if the money is placed in trust, it is the beneficiaries entitlement, you can't change your mind based on perceived behaviour. Secondly, OP didn't put the money in a documented trust by earmarked an account for her and spent the last few years telling her that there is money for her.

By "from the start" do you mean the title? Because that absolutely states that she took money from her daughter's trust fund.

Yes I suggest you look at one bed places - how liberating you might find it to have a small house or flat and to have much less debt. Then she has the choice - a sofa when she visits or a house where she can stay and if the latter then she gets over her tantrum about you using your money for your housing.

DD, I can use some of the money i have promised to you to buy a larger, nicer house with space for you to live in.

Alternatively you will get the full sum I promised you, I will then only be able to buy either a smaller house (or a larger house in a less nice area if you want to go down that route) with no space for you, which means you will have to rent your own accomodation.

I hope to be in a position to pay you back the 15k as soon as possible. (make an installment plan? from mothers inheritance?)

I really feel for you OP. I hear so many stories of parents that go out of their way financially so that their children can benefit not knowing what they may face in the future such as a late divorce as is your case which has a huge effect on your financial security. I’m inclined to think that your father left it to you . Possibly because I’m hearing of so many of these stories .

"DD, here is 5k for your travels. Right now, I have to buy a family home for us that you will inherit."

You do not want to be poor in your old age. She sounds like she will be fine.

Spoiled.

It depends on the trust fund account the OP set up in the first place. If the OP was fully in control of the trust deed (often by giving an age to the beneficiary like 25 y.o) and is the manager of the fund, then she can close it without beneficiaries (her DD) having a say in it.

I've understood from OP's posts that she can close the account without her daughter's agreement.

OP has clarified that the money is saved in OP’s account and is not in a trust.

My children have money set aside in our names, which they know about. If I approached either child to borrow from it, I’m confident they would agree. I wouldn’t take some with no agreement to repay it though. I don’t feel it’s right to take back what verbally has already been gifted.

Parents - if you decide you're going to save your money to give to your kids when they teach adulthood, take heed of what's befallen the OP and DO NOT tell the kids about it.

Thank you, I missed her post clarifying this aspect.

The OP has even less problems closing a personal account.

I forgot to say that, in my opinion, £15K to go travelling with, ought to be plenty for your dd, @BlueFlamingo55! Surely she can still have an amazing travelling experience with that much money.

Exactly. Beneficiaries who are under age shouldn't just assume their money is safe if the trustee was a family member who had full control. Some people have had nasty surprises when they come of age and realise their parents have tapped into it.
My sons were left money by a great uncle, I am estranged from their father and my eldest is now 18 and I'm trying to find out about it, but I've realised it's not as clear-cut as the money being somehow 'locked away'.

If it was a child trust fund set up (the precursor to a Junior ISA) this is from the HMRC website:

Paying into a Child Trust Fund
You can continue to add up to £9,000 a year to an existing Child Trust Fund account. The money belongs to the child and they can only take it out when they’re 18. They can take control of the account when they’re 16.

If it was taken out as junior ISA:
What is a Junior ISA?
A Junior ISA (JISA or child ISA) is a tax-efficient account set up by a parent or guardian for children under the age of 18. The parent or guardian will contribute to the account but only the child can access the money – and only after they turn 18.

Bare TRUST
A bare trust is a simple trust structure where the beneficiary has an immediate and absolute right to the trust assets (both capital and income). The trustee acts as a nominee, holding the property for the beneficiary and following their instructions, with minimal active duties. This type of trust is commonly used for transferring assets to minors or for situations where property is held jointly.

Discretionary Trust
A flexible trust under which no beneficiary of the trust has an automatic right to income or capital as it arises (and in which there is no interest in possession).
The trustees have the power to decide who (from a class of beneficiaries named in the trust document) should receive the capital or income from the trust. - Unlikely due to there only being one beneficiary in this instance

The only trust where the settlor has any entitlement to capital would be a flexible reversionary trust or loan trust.

If it is a trust, OP is very unlikely to be entitled to a dime. But she said it was a trust then said it wasn't a trust, so lord knows what the situation is.

But if it is just an amount of money earmarked for her, she could have kept it quiet if she had any intention on rowing back on her plans.

Good advice. DH and I received good money from our parents' inheritance. We talk about it and opened an account for the kids with a good chunk of the money we've got. We kept adding every month, including bonuses, thinking of their future. Never told them about it.

Our 3 sons went to Uni without worries about funding their degrees. From time to time they've asked how we did it and our answer is always the same "saving early on". They didn't, and still don't, more detailed explanation.

It was just the latter, only verbally promised in an account in Ops name.

These comments have gone wild.
Imagine telling your child they have inherited £30k from deceased Grandparent and they can have it when they're 19. Then 6 months before telling them they can't have it, and now they have to wait until you die.
And yes, I know the will left it to OP who verbally gifted it to DD but the fact is - why even ever mention it? She could've tucked it away, said nothing until she was 19 and then had it there as an emergency fund in case it's needed.
And those saying you'd buy a 1 bed and tell her to figure her life out, this is why parents lose contact with children and don't see GC. Because you cut your own noses to spite your face. The fact is, OP has gone about it all wrong and DD is reacting to the situation OP created.