To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

And there you have it the mumsnet police.🙄

A trust fund is a tax free saving for a child that removes that money from the family thresh hold by holding it in the childs name and it legally becomes the childs money... if its a tax fund like OP said this is absolutely illegal.

RTT the money is in the mothers name. There is no fraud.

The OP has said very clearly that she herself inherited this money from her DF. It has been in a savings account in her own name all this time.

@FedupMum2024 OP’s salary is £55K pa so what is the basis for your accusation that she is a benefits scrounger? Especially as the money has been in her name all along?

And then the king and the queen went off to live in the palace, and they all lived happily ever after.

Might just as easily be until the daughter is so angry at her mother's decision not to give her money she has been promising for years, she fucks off into the night never to be seen again.

Could be another dozen different endings.

OP is buying the house for herself, which is fine. She should just stop trying to blame her daughter for getting upset about her mother breaking her promise and unilaterally taking the money that she promised her kid.

OP said she misspoke. She clarified as I stated above

If it was actually a trust fund, they'd be right, but I do wish people would read all the updates, since the OPs initial comment was confusing, obfuscating, biased and quite wrong about it being a trust fund.

Why because you day so?

Not your call.

But why is reality real?

Correct, it is not your call. I am glad you saw that and decided to quote yourself.

My gut reaction is no - regardless of where the money originally came from, it has been promised as "hers" and it would be cruel to take that back. You will lose all trust and your relationship could be irreparably damaged. However, a compromise could be buying the house in joint names with her if you both desperately want this particular house? Sit down and have a conversation with her about this option, she may see it as an investment.

Can also mean "full thread"

I personally don't see the issue with OPs proposal. The daughter is missing the bigger picture. She'll be inheriting her mum's house one day anyway. You have to be flexible in life, and can't be rigid on things. It's a shame that the daughter will be 15k down on a travelling fund, but unfortunately that's life. She'll be able to stay with her mum in a nicer house, see her more financially secure, and I imagine it's what her grandad would have wanted.

We each have our own reality and the reality here is it is entirely up to the poster what she does. The reality in that is there is nothing anyone else can do about it.

An easier way to say FTSE or Financial Times Stock Exchange where the benchmarks of top 100, 250 etc performing shares are listed.

It was fucking nuts of you to promise this money to your DD especially with no conditions on what it's spent on when you aren't wealthy yourself. Of course you need it for a house deposit to house you both. She will benefit from it in the long run as she will get a return whenever you sell/bequeath her the house you buy. I literally can't believe you would give your DD £30k for a holiday when you can't afford to buy a decent house. You need to row back on it. Promise her the £15k plus interest/a proportion of equity in future. She should see it as an investment.

@BlueFlamingo55 have you calculated the other costs of moving into your budget? Stamp duty will be an additional 1.5k you will then have the booking fees, conveyancing fees, surveys all before you think about the practicalities of moving into a new house. It could easily be another 10k and you may find if you start using the savings for your daughter now there will be less than you think.

legally it is not in a trust fund so not your daughters money if you were struggling with bills the first thing you would be told to do is use the money.

morally you have promised this to your daughter so she is thinking of it as her money and I can see why she would be miffed if you were to spend it. At 19 I would hope that she would come around after the initial disappointment and realise that you need to be in a suitable home.

No, she’s not responsible for your life choices and so her money shouldn’t be used to clear up the mess from them. This is your responsibility.

It shouldn't be 'her' money in the first place. It was bequeathed to the OP. She said she would give it to the DD when she's an adult. Oh waaah she only gets £15k instead of £30k and the other £15k gets invested in property for her. What a poor diddums.

It’s not her money.

It's her money. But you are also reasonable to say that you can only afford what you can afford and if that's not good enough she can chip in.

Why do so many people on these threads get so wound up about other posters problems. Take a step back and breathe. The bad language on here is vile and you are all parents.

The immaturity on these threads really show up at times.

Poster I really would advise you to just keep off this thread now for your own sanity.

Good luck with it all, I wish you all these best.

My mum did this exact thing but instead of buying a house for herself, she bought a second house that my brother immediately moved into (it’s his in everything but name). Literally used the money in my savings account when I was a teenager! After spending my entire life telling me about the fund and how it will be mine once I turn 18.

Guess who cut their mother off later in life and never speaks to them? She’s old and lonely now and I couldn’t care less. I didn’t cease contact over this - but this was just one out of a hundred things she did to show a lack of care where it was always worse to have her in my life.

If you’ve been here long, then you should also know it’s an accepted abbreviation by MN so it’s not classed as swearing at someone.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms