To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

Nope. OP opened herself up to any question anybody wants to ask about her finances, but she doesn't have to answer of course. There is no overstepping when you write a post trying to justify the (moral if not legal) theft of fifteen thousand pounds from your daughter. People are trying to figure out if she can manage to buy the house SHE wants (and not blame her daughter for that) without stealing (morally) from her kid and ruining their relationship.

I’m about to suggest you read up on personal finances if you think the OP’s plan is a good one. if she can’t get loans or credit cards, that’s a really fucking big indicator that there is a problem.

I’m not overstepping anything by asking the OP questions. Maybe she can afford repayments… but for all we know she has zero saved for her retirement…won’t have an emergency fund…won’t be able to afford maintenance. And all of those other things that come with home ownership.

Did you read the money is in the ops savings account in her name and she's divorced. Her circumstances have changed she needs somewhere to live. Its irrelevant what age her daughter was it wasn't placed in a trust fund what's your point?

I've always thought it meant read the full thread.

But that's not relevant to the OP wanting to steal from her (morally if not legally). Nobody, of any age, or any level of privilege would be ok with their mother casually stealing money their mother had made clear would be theirs to do with as they wished in a couple of years.

OP should have sat her daughter down and said "I can't afford to buy the nicer house I want to in the nicer area, without borrowing the money I promised to you, and this is how I plan to pay it back".

But she didn't, because she didn't want her daughter to say no to her plan.

No it only becomes her daughters money when the Op gives it to which she hasent yet so still her money.

I thought this too.

Her money, her choice. Tell her if she wants you to buy that house and have space for her, she'll have to contribute towards the deposit. But that also means she owns a proportional share of the property and you'll need to do that in a legally binding way. Otherwise, but somewhere you can afford by yourself, and if it's not big enough for dd to live as well she can sort herself out.

I did feel a bit sorry for her initially and defo understand why she'd be a bit miffed. But now reading that she'll be getting an even larger sum in the near future isn't really making me particularly sympathetic to her fury about 'only' getting this extra £15k because her selfish mum has the cheek to want to live in a half decent house after an unexpected messy divorce.

Nope, morally her daughter's which she has promised to her daughter. So yep legally she can still steal it from her daughter with no legal repercussions, but morally it is always wrong to do the wrong thing, even if it is not a criminal act.

Poster you do what you feel is right for you, nobody on here can tell you how to use the money.

You know nothing about the op or her finances. You need to stop she is a stranger to you. You are getting far to invested yourself. She came on here to ask one question only that's it. The only advice she needs is from a financial advisor not you.

Yes I did and I also disagree with your view that being promised something from age 2 to 19 isn’t substantially a 19yo persons entire life. Under 2s aren’t exactly aware of the concept of money.

I earn around £55k PA. Only money I have in savings is £90k from the marital home which will obviously be needed for a deposit. Retirement wise I’ll be working until I drop. It’s just the way it is.

full isn't a word I think most would use in that context.

rtet would be better, read the entire thread.

Except, she is furious because her mother informed her that she would be stealing (morally if not legally) the money she had promised her, and nobody - including you - would be ok with this at all. Had her mother asked her and explained the circumstances and the daughter went off, you'd have have ap oint.

You can't legally steal anything .

But imagine wanting your mum to live in a house she's unhappy with after an unexpected divorce when you'll be getting an even bigger sum in addition to the £15k.

I though it meant read the full thread, though I have never used the term.

I don't think you understand what stealing means.

I would not give the dd any power here.

surely if you are now saying this is money that I can just take then it should have been counted in the divorce financial settlement

That is what RTFT has always meant to me. Besides swearing isn’t banned on MN

Maybe you can give her the £30k and granny can lend you the £15k. Unless she's already promised that money to your daughter too.

Any money that might come to DD later has nothing to do with the OP promising her this sum and then deciding that, actually, she wants it to buy a house at the top of her budget.