To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

This 💯

She’s in her 50s, has CC debt, is trying to by a house at the top of her ‘budget’, and can’t afford it without this 15K.

She can’t afford it the house even if she takes the 15K.

@BlueFlamingo55 What are the rest of your finances like? Income, retirement, other savings, etc.

The biggest issue is you told dd about the money and promised her it.

Then rather than asking you told her your taking the money, no discussion. I can see why she would be upset

Could you talk about a repayment plan. Say putting away £250 a month for her until the 15k is repaid?

I think the problem here is you've gone about this all wrong.
You have promised your daughter that money but have now fallen on hard times.
It would have been better if you had approached her about potentially using some of that money to buy the house you both want. If your daughter wasn't in agreement then you'd need to explain that a smaller house in a less desirable location is all that's affordable without her help.
Equally you could have given her a partial equity share in the home so that her money would be a potential investment.
Failing that and she point blankly refuses to help but still demands to live in a nice house, fair enough but then I would be charging her appropriate rent if she wished to still live with you

Problem is that she now feels entitled to your money and will throw a strop if she doesn't get it. Will she actually be grateful or just be like "well, I'm glad you didn't steal MY money"?

It really wasn’t clear as many posters on here have also said.

Just buy somewhere cheaper.
Problem solved.

OP YABU.

if you told her it was her money you can’t take it and spend it.

You never should have told her about the money if you were ever going to soend it.

You can’t have it both ways.

You can’t afford the house so effectively you are taking her money as you told her it was hers.

Has anyone thought that maybe DD is being quite angry because her parents just went through messy divorce and whatever she was lookimg forward to and was promised for years is being taken away...

@ThinWomansBrain This is a sensible idea.

@BlueFlamingo55 Speaking as someone in your age group, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be taking out the maximum mortgage, plus dealing with CC debt. Buy small in a decent area and get back on your financial feet.

Get her Dad to cough up 15k to match your 15k.

Not relevant. My comment stands.

Perhaps you genuinely don't know if you haven't been here for as long as me, but RTFT has always meant "read the fucking thread."

It's not a trust fund. That would have very specific restrictions on how the money could be used.
It's just your savings that you've verbally promised to your daughter but now want to use for a different purpose. So legally yours but maybe morally hers.
So I see two options. You renege on your promise because of different circumstances to buy the house you both want but couldn't otherwise. You could maybe make her your tenant in common to the % that reflects the £15k. She won't be able to travel as much she planned and it looks like it will damage your relationship at least in the short term. But £15k would still fund a lot of travelling while she's getting over it.
Or you keep the promise, give her all the money and buy a cheaper house in the less nice area. And you don't want to hear another word from her about not liking it and refusing to live there.
You can always move again in a few years when you've rebuilt your finances.

RTFT, promised to her since she was aged 2.

"it has been ring fenced for DD and untouched since DF died (she would’ve been aged 2)" - it has been ringfenced for DD all her life. I think the OP should use the majority of the money for her needs but it is completely understandable that her DD is gutted.

She said she needs 15 grand in order to buy it. She can't get loans or credit cards to get the money. She has 30 grand in savings account and she needs 15 grand more in order to buy it. She said she can afford the repayments as it is if she fronts the 15 grand but she can't if she gets a larger loan. It makes a difference. She said she could afford it.

What are the rest of your finances like? Income, retirement, other savings, etc. You are massively overstepping asking this she has already said she could in her posts.

It's read the full thread actually.
But we all read the F the unofficial way😂

So, her daughter's money then?! Got it!

Cancel the check.....

It's been in her savings account in the ops name. Op is not doing anything illegal if she decides to use it to better her situation.

Seriously I am ready to throw in the towel box of frogs on here. They struggle to read.

Nope. It was always aggressively sweary in meaning from the start.

You'll be claiming CF means "cheeky fellow" next.

It's you who can't read. At no point have I said she has done anything illegal.

She sounds incredibly privileged tbf.