To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

OP it’s your money, your circumstances have changed. Although ideally you had intended to give your inheritance to your daughter, as already said, things change, and your daughter needs to learn this. Use yr money to buy the most suitable house….the house ironically yr daughter also prefers. A house she will I assume move into.

I acknowledge her disappointment, although at 19 she should be old enough to see the purchase of somewhere for you both to live, makes more sense than her going traveling. I think your daughter is being bratty.

The mistake you made was telling her the funds would be hers in time. I’d be more inclined in future if there were funds available and you wanted to gift those to her, make it a surprise gift.

Just read that the money is your savings account - yes, take the 15k. It’s LIFE.

Take her to the solicitors with you. See if she can be put on the deeds or a lien put on the property. Let her see it as an investment.

Treat her like an adult

OP I think your mistake was to tell your daughter she had a trust fund. She doesn't. YOU inherited money and if it's in your name then it's up to you what you spend it on.

At age 17 I remember being asked to sign a form to essentially give my gran back money she had saved for me (I never physically received the money, I think it might have become mine at 18) - because it was discovered she had very little money. It didn't cross my mind for a second that this was 'my' money, I completely accepted it and hadn't really gave it any thought til now.

OP you shot yourself in the foot by calling it a trust fund when it’s not, it’s in your name so is legally YOUR money, hence all the shitty replies on here.

Also by telling your dd that you were going to give her the money in the first place.

buy the house.

Quoting myself to clarify… even with the DD’s 15K the OP cannot afford this house.

I difn’t swear?

@albalass yeah, my mum had 2 savings accounts for me and DB and her circumstances changed brutally so we never saw that money… it sucks, I even had to drop out of uni, but it never occurred to us to kick up a fuss about it.

The entitlement here is off the charts.

Daughter has a choice. Use the money for the house she prefers or move to an area she doesn’t like. It’s simple.

Your error was telling her about the money in the first place. You never know what’s around the corner. However, since you did tell her, there’s no way you can use the money without it causing a gigantic issue forever. She’ll have to get used to living somewhere less nice. End of. Sounds like she’ll be off on her travels soon anyway so it won’t affect her too much.

''@Falseknock · Today 22:16
Inheritance don't be silly.''

Nonsense.

Inheriting the house will not help her daughter for decades and people always forget that homes often have to be sold to fund care in old age.

The op divorced her husband so she needs every penny she can get. Her daughter needs to get a job. My partner was giving his mother money because she was struggling and a single parent at 19. Her daughter is taking her mother for granted. She can afford it but her daughter is thinking about her ID, ego and super ego is all over the place. She would rather ghost her mother so she gets that money. Even if it means her mother lives poor that's manipulative.

OK so the money’s not in a trust fund, you’ve simply set it aside in a savings account to give to your DD.

In that case, I agree with @Whatafustercluck, explain the housing situation to your DD and discuss it as adults.

On the basis that it's not actually in trust, I'd be saying to your dd that either you use half the money to buy the house in the nice area, or you leave it where it is and she accepts you can only afford the house in the not so nice area.

People’s circumstances change. I also hope to give my children some money to get started in life, but if I end up needing it, I’ll have to use it. She’ll still get £15K.

I love this saying "Her fanny young" she has years to get herself in order not the op.

Does any of that change the situation that the OP is in? No, not one bit. But umm thanks for the recap I guess 🤷‍♀️

Only read first page so far, but I can see why she'd be annoyed having been told she'll get the money and to then have it whisked away at the final hour.

However, she's incredibly privileged to be getting it in the first place and does sound a bit entitled to be 'refusing' to live in properties that don't meet her approval. I was living on my own by 20.

In summary, bit harsh of you to take it but she also sounds a bit entitled.

I’d be telling her to move out and buy a small house for yourself with your money.

YABU. It’s her money and you can’t have it.

Move further out.

She has 30 grand in the bank and she can afford to buy the house. The op is allowing her daughter to play up. She needs to take the money and buy the house. Done

She's been promised this money all her life. She's allowed to sulk, she's 19. It is actually, however, your money and you need to buy the property that a) you want to live in and b) you could rent out/get a lodger in if you fall on hard times. As you have learnt, life doesn't always turn out the way we hoped. From what you are saying you are still intending to give her £15k. At some point she's going to have to accept that it's disappointing the way things have worked out, but that she's still very lucky.

“The money has always been ring fenced and openly promised to DD.”

This is the problem, yes it’s your money but you have told her the money is hers. I understand your circumstances have changed and you need the money, it’s yours but you should never have promised it her in the first place. You’ve broken your promise and she has a right to be upset about that.

This will take away her first buyer status in a future

All her life? The ops dad had to die first. The op inherited the money not her daughter.

Buy a 1 bed flat in a nice area.
DD has money for rent and deposit on a private rental.

The way DD spends it has nothing to do with the polls? I’ve been transparent throughout. Yes, I had put it away with intentions of DD spending it on more sensible things but now she wants to use a large portion to go globe trotting - I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with this and just want her to be happy after a rough few years. To be perfectly honestly I don’t care what she spends it on and was never planning on policing this. She’ll inherit a slightly larger sum once DM passes (very elderly so likely in the next few years) and by this time DD will be older/wiser. I suspect that this will go on to be the real house deposit etc money.