To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

I think if you asked your daughter the question when she was 30 she might have a much different answer to when she was 18.

I'd like to think that if it were me I would say no problem mum, I appreciate what you've done for me and I know its important for us both to have a place where we are happy. I can maybe postpone the gap year a bit. But I can't guarantee I would have said that at 18.

Maybe she is just currently angry because she hasn't had time to process something that she has been planning for for a long time and been looking forward to and has now found out it won't be possible.

But the house is far more important than pissing some money away on a gap year. There will be other opportunities for her. She just needs to see that.

Nope. Her mother simply had to say "we can't afford to live there so we won't be" but instead is trying to use this as an excuse for stealing (morally if not legally) from her daughter, trying to shift blame.

I think giving a 19yo £30k is an awful idea!

At that age £5-10k is more than enough and I would have saved the rest to give her for a deposit.

But you have promised it to her and so you cannot take that back.

I also think it’s ridiculous that you can barely afford the new mortgage.

You had an inheritance, half the money from a divorce and now you’re getting a mortgage at the top end of your budget and you can’t afford it so need to use your DDs money - gently you are obviously not the most sensible when it comes to money.

Buy somewhere cheaper and you won’t have this worry.

Id also consider about not giving DD the full
amount at such a young age but mot spending it yourself.

At 19, there's no way that money is being used for a deposit.

Inheritance don't be silly.

Well marriage vows were promised and I’m sure the op would prefer not to be sorting out a new home at her age !

Several points

your daughter shouldn't be living with you much longer if she is 19
she should not be wasting hard earned/saved money pissing it about going traveling
You promised it to her. It's not yours.

some of these responses are mental. If I was the daughter and my mum was in this situation I’d make her keep all of it. Effing hell some of you need to teach your kids some compassion and empathy. She’s her own adult and can make her own money. Mum wants to use the money to buy them a house. Daughter wants it to travel. Yeah one is definitely more important than the other 😂😂😂

Savings, travelling whatever.

It's for the dd to decide.

It’s not in a trust , it’s in OP’s name in an account.

Is it actually a ‘trust fund’ I.e. money you have put in a trust for your daughter? I presume there are tax implications to this? If so then you can’t just take it out and use it now you are in a rough patch. If you mean you have ringfenced some money from your inheritance for her and it is in a normal savings account then I think that’s more reasonable.

Whatever you do don't add her to the house. It will cost her her first time buyer benefits when she wants to buy something herself

Your daughter needs to get a job and learn about money and saving it. She will squander it on travelling. She needs her own money and work in bars like other travellers.

How can she " theive" her own money ?

I would buy a cheaper house, your DD does not get a say in where you live and if she turns her nose up, she can move out. Your DD is not interested in giving you half, start charging her full rent, she has to learn to pay her own way.

Of course not!
Honestly!

Whilst I can empathise with your situation, she is about to come of age to receive this money and I think that you would be unreasonable to take it from her.

It’s not fair to make her pay for the fact that you ended up getting divorced. And you promised her this money.

Dont do it - it will destroy your relationship.

No it's in a savings account in the ops name.

It is not her money - she promised it to her dd this year.

Well homelessness it is then or renting for the op.

No. It is not a trust fund. God knows why the op said it was.

It is savings, in the op's name which she has promised to the dd. If she'd kept her gob shut she could spend half but as she has told her dd it is hers it would be a very unpleasant thing to do.

So it was money YOU inherited from your father, but you decided to pass it straight to your DD?

your title made me think YABU, but actually I think what you propose is fine. You need to explain this to your DD - that the money in “her” fund was originally yours but you passed it straight on.

Give her three options

1. House and area she likes, down 15 grand and travel plans interrupted l.
2. House and area she doesn't like, she gets all rhe money and her travel plans aren't interrupted.
3. As an adult, she can move out and fend for herself, get yourself a nice 1 bed apartment.

It is her money.

The ops circumstances have changed. Would her daughter feel better if she was living on the street while she goes travelling?