Page 10 | What an insult !!!

Ginmonkeyagain · 21/07/2025 20:57

Mate, he has done you up like a kipper. It is perfectly possible to have two people on the deeds and mortgage (even of one has no income) and protect unequal shares.

Mr Monkey and I are not married. Whe we bought a house together he provided all of the deposit but had erratic work at the time (he was setting up as a contractor). So we took legal advice and he went on the mortgage as zero income and we bought as tenants in common with a deed of trust that recognised our unequal shares.

Now he put up 55% in cash, I paid all the legal fes and stamp duty and I am paying the remaining 45% with a mortgage. When we own outright we will change to joint tenants so we both own all of the house. This has been easy to arrange and cost a couple of hundred in legal fees.

It is easy to research and sort out. How did you allow this situation to happen?

Deadringer · 21/07/2025 20:57

TheaBrandt1 · 21/07/2025 19:51

In my next life I’m coming back as a shit man - imagine getting all the benefits of a family yet someone else doing all the drudge work and childcare so you are free to live your life then if you get bored you can just wander off with all your assets intact. Sweet.

Sweet indeed

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/07/2025 20:59

Tikilum · 21/07/2025 14:50

Then how can you have a prenup? Do you mean you have a declaration of trust? You normally have to own the house with him for that though as tenants in common. Or has he just made you sign a random piece of paper saying you won’t try and claim his house? Because you can’t have a prenup without being married (besides the fact it’s pointless as you have no rights over his house as a non married partner) and you can’t get a declaration of trust if you don’t own the house in part.

Show quote history

AgreedcIt's a random, meaningless piece of paper.

I assume what he was getting at is that the OP won't claim unjustified enrichment against the value of the house because she's spent money on it.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/07/2025 21:01

Ginmonkeyagain · 21/07/2025 20:57

Mate, he has done you up like a kipper. It is perfectly possible to have two people on the deeds and mortgage (even of one has no income) and protect unequal shares.

Mr Monkey and I are not married. Whe we bought a house together he provided all of the deposit but had erratic work at the time (he was setting up as a contractor). So we took legal advice and he went on the mortgage as zero income and we bought as tenants in common with a deed of trust that recognised our unequal shares.

Now he put up 55% in cash, I paid all the legal fes and stamp duty and I am paying the remaining 45% with a mortgage. When we own outright we will change to joint tenants so we both own all of the house. This has been easy to arrange and cost a couple of hundred in legal fees.

It is easy to research and sort out. How did you allow this situation to happen?

Should the OP be in Scotland it's even easier to have title in joint names albeit uneven shares.

LancashireButterPie · 21/07/2025 21:07

OP, you deserve better than this prick.
He doesn't love you. Love doesn't act like this.
If I were you I'd be reviewing whether I wanted him in my life.
Tell him you are in the verge of leaving him and his reaction will tell you everything.

user1491934176 · 21/07/2025 21:10

Sorry, I haven’t read the comments, what was the reason for you not being listed as a joint owner in the current property/home?

Mydadsbirthday · 21/07/2025 21:14

TheaBrandt1 · 21/07/2025 14:18

God not another one.

Honestly there needs to be a poster.

If you give up any earning capacity whatsoever to raise a family or keep a home you have to be married or in a civil partnership.

If the man refuses to marry you that’s fine but then you go strictly 50/50 on all childcare and house drudge he does half and you prioritise your own career and not his.

Anything else is essentially financial suicide.

Yes not another poster having another baby with another shit man and not having a clue how to do better.

Should we be teaching this stuff to girls in school?

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 21/07/2025 21:15

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 21/07/2025 20:18

Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

I went back to work full time when my son was 2 months old.

So did I - if it’s a necessity then you have to get on with it.

Horses7 · 21/07/2025 21:29

Mydadsbirthday · 21/07/2025 21:14

Yes not another poster having another baby with another shit man and not having a clue how to do better.

Should we be teaching this stuff to girls in school?

Show quote history

We’re all Mums we should make sure our daughters value themselves and make sure they know how to be protected in a relationship.
Mums of sons need to play their part too.
It takes two to make an unbalanced and unfair partnership.

SunnyViper · 21/07/2025 21:34

Marriage or civil partnership are the only way to offer you any protection.

Isittimeformynapyet · 21/07/2025 21:40

Grammarnut · 21/07/2025 20:46

Both 'come' and 'go' amiss are correct and mean the same - a rare thing in English!

Show quote history

Thanks 👍🏻. It's always such a shock when I don't know something! 😄

TakeMeBackToJapan · 21/07/2025 21:41

Bought.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/07/2025 22:00

Grammarnut · 21/07/2025 20:43

Well, to some extent so am I - but they don't know. I have met women who don't know and then find out the hard way.
Also, information being on tap is not the same as knowledge. Information you just look up isn't a lot of use, either, because you have no means to evaluate. Knowledge is what we think with, it is what enables us to think critically - you cannot teach critical thinking, though you can practice it by having a knowledge rich curriculum and discussing issues/problems e.g. why did Henry VIII marry six women? Reasons? Knowledge is in our long term memory and pops up when we need it e.g. 'let's not get married, it's only a piece of paper' should prompt the knowledge that marriage is a civil contract conferring rights and setting out duties, so someone who thinks it is unnecessary is either stupid or venal, most likely venal if property etc is involved.
You can't 'teach' research either, since research is a thing you do - and to do it you already have to have a knowledge base to build your research on or you have to go back to utter basics before you get anywhere.

This is why Grove et al banged on about teaching children facts, history, geography, maths etc and not building a curriculum around skills and competencies which have no content i.e. you can teach anything useful or not.

Show quote history

Of course you can teach both critical thinking and research… how do you explain all of the people who know how to do both?!

This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read in a long time. I’m actually left damn near speechless.

Cakeandusername · 21/07/2025 22:08

Serpentstooth · 21/07/2025 18:58

He doesn't want to marry. Is he married to someone else? A man who refuses his children their legal entitlements isn't worth the time of day. 15 years?

Thats a possibility he’s already married. I had a case as a trainee solicitor when man had married very young, everyone assumed divorced and he’d lived with another woman for years and had kids. He died in an accident at work no will, not nominated girlfriend for pension/death in service etc and the wife inherited the lot.

IsawwhatIsaw · 21/07/2025 22:34

I used to work at CAB and saw these sort of scenarios over and over.
I’d say you need to get back to work as soon as possible, don’t have more children with him. I wouldn’t trust him given his past exploitative behaviour towards you.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/07/2025 22:45

Bigpakchoi · 21/07/2025 18:07

OP - he could ask you leave the house tonight and change the locks - and he would well within his rights to do and you would have no protection.

Call Citizens Advice Bureau and get some advice on what you can do to gain financial independence and start building up funds.

Does he control money?

Do you have access to a joint account?

Can you take our 25 quid a week cash back from the foodshop and set up your own secret bank account and pay cash into that? Set the address for the account as your parents or trusted relatives so he does not find out. Build up a small nest egg. Squirrel away any money you can.

Are there old toys or clothes or items you can sell online etc? Make some cash and save it in that bank account.

To take it a step further - do you see people giving things away for free that you can go collect and think you can sell for cash? Appreciate you have kids to look after so thid may not be feasible! but maybe once baby os older let somethings slide at home to free up an hour or two to go collect clothes (etc)someone giving away if you think you can resell etc.

Next, tell him you do equal work. I.e. your housework and childcare has a COST - otherwise why would we pay someone to be a cleaner or a nanny???

You have done 15 years UNPAID work in house and with kids. Is he going to put you on the deeds? If not, you need to think about getting a job once your 1 month old is older.

Best of luck

Edited

Good practical advice for the OP.

OP... are you claiming child benefit, because that carries (or used to) pension contributions for you. Some people say it has tax implications and therefore there is no need to claim. If you are not claiming, Ask Citizen's advice for more info on how to claim.

Also start reading up online about managing personal finance. Money Saving Expert.com is a great resource for this.. It will have an easy to understand summary of anything from Life Insurance, Wills, Pensions, Mortgages etc.. and will explain all the terms used. I think you need to read up on this because your description of the initial house sale and documents you signed indicate that he is not acting in your best interest and giving you limited information.

user1493559472 · 22/07/2025 17:56

You need to speak to a Solicitor ASAP

Lollylucyclark101 · 22/07/2025 17:57

rosesarebeautiful7 · 21/07/2025 14:08

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

My sister is in the same type of situation (although no kids) abs I view this as “financial and economic abuse”

you are entitled to nothing if he dies. It may go to his eldest child, however if they are under 18 it will all go to his parents or his siblings to hold until your oldest is 18.

my sister (poor sod!, as she’s blinded by….. love?) is not on the mortgage, deeds and he has no will…..says “I’m named as next of kin at work in his job”, which means NOTHING. They have been together 20 years and if she leaves? She’s entitled to zippo! It will all go to his (horrible) mother. I, as you can guess can’t stand him or his abuse of my sister.

unless you have paid in £££s for windows or a drive (you could be entitled to that money), you will get nothing.

I don’t understand why you would get into a relationship like this, or make it clear you’re on the deeds/mortgage of the house if he wants children?!

but anyway….. seek legal advice who will tell you the same thing as I have. Your partner seams selfish.

Pineapplecolada1 · 22/07/2025 18:00

A will is no good…. He could easily change it without you knowing. You need your name on the deeds of the house

NYNTE · 22/07/2025 18:01

You can actually look to get a cohabitation agreement which is a legally binding document which details out what would happen to the assets in the event of separation / death etc. This would be the best option if you want security, but don't want to get married or go through an application to amend the property registration into both your names - although usually it's suggested both parties seek legal advice independently to make sure you both know what to include etc and what you would want included / excluded from within the agreement & any exceptions / loopholes / risks etc.

GiveDogBone · 22/07/2025 18:09

It wasn’t a prenup if you are not married, it’s something else (god knows what). Consult a solicitor to see what they suggest.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 22/07/2025 18:13

Oh dear! What a muddle. As other posters have said .You can't have a pre nuptial agreement if there have been no nuptials!
With 3 children needing security ,you should not have signed away your right to keep a roof over their heads. Why,did you do that? Did you want to rid yourself of the responsibility of a mortgage. It's a pity you didn't take legal advice before you did that. Can you maybe go to Citizens advice or a first consultation free solicitor? Gets some advice now on how you would stand? I take it you live in England.??
In Scotland you would as parent of young children have 'right of domicile' .Not exactly as matrimonial home, but laws of cohabitation would give you some limited protection. You would be able to stay in the house with your children regardless of who owned the house. I urge you to get your partner to have a will drawn up legally. Good luck!

Mrsgreen100 · 22/07/2025 18:19

Wills are changeable!
you need a proper legal agreement OP

BugEyedBear · 22/07/2025 18:22

If he doesn't want to get married, would he consider a Civil Partnership instead? Or a cohabitation agreement?

At the very least, he needs to have a will. A letter won't be sufficient.

Please go and talk to Citizens Advice about how to protect yourself from being made homeless.

BooneyBeautiful · 22/07/2025 18:24

Bjorkdidit · 21/07/2025 14:14

If you're a family unit and you're contributing by providing childcare and/or working, the house should be half yours.

He should also write a will saying that if anything happens to him, you should inherit the house. Otherwise intestacy rules apply and his parent or other close relative could take your home.

With intestacy, next of kin will be his children, so his estate would be put in Trust for them until they reach the age of 18. It all sounds a bit of a mess, leaving OP with no security whatsoever!