What an insult !!!

[rosesarebeautiful7]

Been with partner 15 years 3 kids between ages of 1m and 8 ( all both of ours ) used to own a house together but he asked me to sign a prenup to make sure I didn’t get his deposit money, when we moved he brought me out ( 7k ) and I didn’t go on the next mortgage, fast forward to 3 kids and many years later I’ve said I’ve got no security, it’s completely his house I’ve mentioned this to him as we have kids together I’ve said to him I don’t feel like it’s my home and no security he could ask me to leave at any time !

I have spoke to him about this he messages me today as he’s been “ thinking “ he will write it down a “ letter “ to say that if anything happens to him then the house Is left to me and the kids !

im really insulted ! And not sure if im being unreasonable, we aren’t married we aren’t getting married either, I had hoped for some togetherness as a couple bringing up our kids together ! Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

I see this all the time on mumsnet. Why are so many women unable to make a head over heart decision when it comes to having children?

The pre nup is null and void so that’s irrelevant.
Get a civil partnership and tell him it’s non negotiable otherwise really you’re better off without him. Do not have any more kids with this twat of a man!

It’s not a prenup it’s a deed of trust so that will stand.

In my next life I’m coming back as a shit man - imagine getting all the benefits of a family yet someone else doing all the drudge work and childcare so you are free to live your life then if you get bored you can just wander off with all your assets intact. Sweet.

Why do you keep having children with this tosser? He has been very clear in his complete lack of respect or care for you.

So many of these AIBU’s at the minute, it’s making me think we need to teach financial literacy in schools.

OP a “letter” won’t cut it and I suspect t he knows this. He needs to make a will (use a solicitor so he doesn’t fuck it up) or marry you or add you to the title as co-owner. Ask him which one he prefers, and tell him to shove his letter where the sun don’t shine.

Ahhh another man who wants to have your cake and eat it too and not even tell you where he keeps his cake. What a cunt. Leave, get CM, go back to work asap buy your own house. I am sorry OP, he's a cunt, he is awful. I wish you all the luck in the world.

That’s an adult occupier form and is required by any mortgage lender (sorry - someone else may have already confirmed that). It means that if they needed to repossess to sell the property then they would be able to do so without you claiming to have a stake in the property (an equitable interest).

that’s by the by though - please ask him to enter into a civil partnership. I don’t know why he would offer you and the children this comfort?

never heartd such bollocks bought you out then wouldnt let you go on the next mortgage?

hes conned you-get some legal advice

Please no comments about going to work my baby is only 5 weeks so that isn’t an option! X

I went back to work full time when my son was 2 months old.

I know, quite a lot of folk use brought instead of bought.

Your situation isn't great at all but what's done is done. I think the best you can do is start by having a proper conversation with him about how vulnerable you feel and how getting married would help. Do you have a job to return to after maternity leave? If you don't work what is he doing to secure you financially? Do you have a pension? Do you have any savings? Does he give you an allowance and if so how much is it? Is he generous? If you don't work and have limited pension/savings I'm afraid your only choice is to find a job as soon as you feel ready to put baby into childcare. He will need to step up and pay his share of childcare and do his share of the housework. Maybe he will reconsider the marriage option at this stage! Also start saving and contributing to a pension now. Consider buying your own property if/when you have enough saved for a deposit. If he won't look after you then you have to look after yourself. He has his escape route sorted, you need to toughen up and plan yours.

Well he sounds like a right catch. Why do women get pregnant to these losers? Get some legal advice OP & run for the hills.

Bully for you. DD was EBF at that age and I was getting next to no sleep.

He’s getting ready to walk and give you nothing.
he needs to make a will to say, in the event of his death, the house goes to the children with you living out your days there.

So? It's not impossible to go back to work. The OP can make her choices- maintain career and income or be totally dependent on a man who has no responsibility to maintain her.

I don't get it. Why not married and then kids

I don't think so, he just seems to know how to put number one first.

Well, to some extent so am I - but they don't know. I have met women who don't know and then find out the hard way.
Also, information being on tap is not the same as knowledge. Information you just look up isn't a lot of use, either, because you have no means to evaluate. Knowledge is what we think with, it is what enables us to think critically - you cannot teach critical thinking, though you can practice it by having a knowledge rich curriculum and discussing issues/problems e.g. why did Henry VIII marry six women? Reasons? Knowledge is in our long term memory and pops up when we need it e.g. 'let's not get married, it's only a piece of paper' should prompt the knowledge that marriage is a civil contract conferring rights and setting out duties, so someone who thinks it is unnecessary is either stupid or venal, most likely venal if property etc is involved.
You can't 'teach' research either, since research is a thing you do - and to do it you already have to have a knowledge base to build your research on or you have to go back to utter basics before you get anywhere.

This is why Grove et al banged on about teaching children facts, history, geography, maths etc and not building a curriculum around skills and competencies which have no content i.e. you can teach anything useful or not.

Marriage first isn't essential but if not, the mother needs to be financially independently secure. I wasn't married but at the time of my pregnancy I earned a good wage, with excellent career prospects, house was in our joint names, with a survivorship clause written into the title deed and I went back to work full time after 2 months mat leave.

Both 'come' and 'go' amiss are correct and mean the same - a rare thing in English!

And that's why I never wanted children, married into money 20 years ago and now have a care free life.
Maybe women should be pigs as well, when practical.

I can sympathise with OP not wanting to go back to work this early. I did it and I hated every second of it, not just the exhaustion, but also all the milestones you miss out on while you're out working, however, OP has left herself with very little choice in the matter.

She can either trust her financial security (and retirement) to a man who clearly doesn't even like her much less love her, or she can go back to work asap and work towards gaining some security.

And @rosesarebeautiful7 he doesn't love you, no matter what he says. Someone who loved you or even liked you a little bit would not go out of their way to leave you with as little financial security as possible, like your "partner" has.

He is, at best, keeping his options open should a better offer come along; at worst, he is already shagging someone else and has plans to leave you penniless and homeless and reliant on the state.

It never is 'just' a piece of paper - as many discover if they divorce or if unmarried partners separate and one partner finds that all their input counts for nothing and they are left with very little, even if well off. Of course if you are both educated and well-off you will have put in all the legal protections that marriage gives in one contract but most of those who accept the 'piece of paper' argument do not know this, sadly, and are not in a position to arrange it if they do know it.

Of course he doesn't want to marry you, you're his unpaid nanny and housekeeper enabling him to earn a nice salary and accrue assets which you're not entitled to. What on earth were you thinking?