Oh my lovely, you really have got yourself into a pickle.
These are the top three things I think you should do. Immediately, without delay.
Secure Legal & Financial Protection — Without Waiting for Marriage
Why: He owns everything legally right now. That puts you and your child in a precarious position. If anything were to happen—illness, separation, or even death—you have no legal stake in the home, no income, and no fallback.
Action:
Consult a family solicitor ASAP. You need to understand your rights, especially around cohabiting couples and what you're entitled to (spoiler: it's often shockingly little unless you're married or legally protected).
Ask about a cohabitation agreement and a declaration of trust (if you end up contributing to a new house purchase).
Consider setting up a legal document outlining financial support, especially if you're staying home based on his decision.
Regain Some Financial Independence — Even in Small Ways
Why: Dependency isn't just risky—it eats away at your confidence and leverage. You’re essentially “paid” in housing and groceries right now, but not in power or security. That’s not sustainable.
Action:
If possible, start bringing in a small, flexible income—freelancing, part-time remote work, or anything that lets you rebuild savings.
Revisit childcare options earlier, even a couple days a week, if it gives you breathing space to earn or retrain.
Keep a personal account only you can access. Whatever you earn or save now, squirrel some away.
Clarify Commitment — Don't Settle for Half-In, Half-Out
Why: Wanting to be on the deeds, in the will, or even just taken seriously financially, isn't “gold-digging”—it’s common sense when you’re raising his child and building a life together. The fact he’s withholding these protections while enjoying the benefits of a “wife” role is... well, a red flag.
Action:
Have an honest, direct conversation:
“If you see us as a family and you're planning marriage, why is there resistance to protecting me and our child now?”
If he still refuses to share ownership or update his will, ask yourself: Is this the kind of partnership you want to model for your child?
Let him know: Your long-term involvement is dependent on feeling safe and equal—not just loved.
One last thing, as if I were your real life friend:
You’re not powerless. You’re building the most valuable asset there is—raising a child. But right now, you’re doing it without a safety net. He might not see that clearly. You might not have seen it clearly until now. But the reality is: love without protection is just vulnerability.
You deserve more than a promise. You deserve a plan.
Good luck!