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Original poster

Fiance slept with a prostitute

630 replies

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

OP posts:
whitewinespritzerandastraw · 20/07/2025 14:27

Motomum23 · 20/07/2025 13:10

Oh come on OP you cannot put a condom on unless you are aroused - he wanted it. Everything else is immaterial.

Yes, this is what stood out to me as well, OP.

How does he explain that?

Mrsbloggz · 20/07/2025 14:28

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/07/2025 14:00

I'm male, and there have been lots of times in my life where I'd quite like a shag but not had anyone willing to.

It's not even crossed my mind to pay for it, even when I've been steaming and others have suggested it.

Show quote history

I do apologise, my post was rather crass!
Allow me to rephrase my thoughts on this matter.
Broadly speaking paying for sex doesn't work for women in the way that it does for men. Furthermore it's generally not too difficult for women to find a man who is willing to have sex with them on a casual basis, even if she's not much of a looker and he's hot stuff.
If a man who is an average fat bloke wants to have sex with an attractive woman he will need to sweeten the deal with some money.

Fancyteacup · 20/07/2025 14:29

The story he’s spun you of how this came about will not be true, the truth will be so much worse.

Catladywithoutacat · 20/07/2025 14:29

Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. <<< if he freaked out he wouldn’t have even be able to get hard.

Then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home <<< YEAH RIGHT

he said the above to make it seem like he wasn’t okay with it but fact is he wouldn’t have been able to get hard, and he didn’t have to f her, could have went in the room and pretended to his friends if he felt under pressure

he’s crying because of guilt and to release his guilt. Up to you if you give him another chance but from my experience men who cheat always end up doing it again if you stay.

Daleksatemyshed · 20/07/2025 14:29

If we give him the benefit of the doubt and say OK, his friend took him there, it wasn't his idea but I still have questions 1) If he was that drunk how did he manage an erection 2) why would he agree to the sex then stop after 30 seconds 3) why would he tell you all this unless he thought you'd find out ie will his friend turn up and say you still owe me money for the sex at the brothel.
It sounds like one big, big string of excuses to me Op more likely his friend talked him into it and he got the fear after

Alwaysinamood · 20/07/2025 14:30

Charabanc · 20/07/2025 13:11

ended up getting paralytic,

If he was that paralytic, how did he manage to perform? How was he hard enough to put a condom on, even for the pretendy "30 seconds" of intercourse?

Honestly OP, you're being completely played here. And there'll be more to come out.

💯this!!!!

Foreverm0re · 20/07/2025 14:30

Snowdrop219 · 20/07/2025 14:07

Jeez I never realised Mumsnet was so full of perfect people who have never made a mistake or done anything wrong in their lives. He fucked up, yes it’s disgusting but it’s forgivable. You can work through this op if you love him and you want to. Good luck xx

Ohhh so you don’t mind your husband shagging sex workers? Right.

Maryberrysaga · 20/07/2025 14:31

I do wonder why he told you? Perhaps he is literally wracked with guilt. OR you were about to find out from someone else…..

clickyteeclick · 20/07/2025 14:31

I feel you’re hoping somebody will say to forgive him, he was out if it, etc. But I’m not sure that’s going to happen.
The only saving grace is that it’s happened before you’ve married him, lengthy divorce.
This is absolutely not somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Ps I also don’t believe the story that it lasted 30 seconds, never cheated before etc. Feels like this was about to come out and he’s covering his tracks.
You’ve had a lucky escape x

BountifulPantry · 20/07/2025 14:32

Dump him obv.

LibbyL92 · 20/07/2025 14:32

its a deal breaker for me. How disgusting.

MeganM3 · 20/07/2025 14:33

This is obviously the heavily minimised version of events for your (his) benefit.
I’m not saying it’s unforgivable, perhaps you can find a way to navigate through this. But don’t necessarily believe this story.

Nachoinseachthu · 20/07/2025 14:33

There seems to be consensus here but think I disagree. I’ve read of alcohol destroying so many good relationships.

If the genders were reversed, it would be considered that your fiancé was raped, being too drunk to properly consent.

And he told you about it. Is he under threat of blackmail, or doing the right thing by telling you?

Shares of grey, I think.

EDIT: Or… has he realised he’s got an STI, and is telling you the most sanitised version possible? Get tested, anyway.

Viviennemary · 20/07/2025 14:34

A lot of men use prostitutes. Very often their partners are not aware of this. Men who you wouldn't dream of suspecting. Fortunately or unfortunately OP's partner confessed.

knackredd · 20/07/2025 14:34

This is a pack of lies. It was not the first or only time. He has told you for one of the following reasons:

  1. He has an STD and you need to get checked out (you should anyway - its a very private and supportive service).

  2. One of the wives/girfriends found out and said he had to tell you or she would.

  3. Someone else saw him

  4. He's been disiplined / sacked from work for this activity with colleagues or evidence of booking was found on his work phone/lap top.

I am very sorry. Do not hold his shame. Tell all your friends and family why.

MaryGreenhill · 20/07/2025 14:35

Get rid @Adviceneededrewedding

Bigmothahen · 20/07/2025 14:35

CinnamonBuns67 · 20/07/2025 14:15

Very sorry this has happened to you OP. But he has cheated and he's trying to cop off the blame on his mate. The second he realised it was a brothel he could have walked out, the second his mate was discussing prices, he could have left, the second the prostitute was pulling his trousers and putting the condom on he could have shoved her off and left. He could have stopped it at any point, he didn't until he was inside another woman and regretted his choice. I have no doubt he regrets what he's done but he has still done it but he's covering for himself instead of being honest about it. He hasn't nearly cheated, he did cheat. I'd leave.

Couldn't have said it better myself. This boy had so many opportunities to walk away. He chose not to. I am talking from experience - he absolutely CANNOT use the drink as an excuse as I've been absolutely paralytic yet the only person on my mind was my partner. If you love someone enough and respect them enough, you don't even look in the direction of the opposite gender. There's always going to be lust and temptation but loyalty is a choice.

Does he regret it? Yes. Do I feel he's told you out of consideration for you? No. Do I feel he's told you out of his own sheer guilt? Yes. Will he do it again? I really hope not, but I'd say he's broken the trust now and I don't think you'll ever be able to look past it (and rightfully so!)

The choice is yours as to leave or stay with him. Big hugs OP, it's a tough situation you're in!

usedtobeaylis · 20/07/2025 14:36

A mistake is one thing. Even a drunken one. Making up a bullshit story on the back of it is another. He's lying to her and manipulating the truth.

bjkhilg890 · 20/07/2025 14:38

swiveleyedtransphobe · 20/07/2025 13:03

do NOT marry this man🙄

I agree. You can’t just believe the whole ´I had no idea where I was’ story. Why did he admit it? Most men who do this try to cover it up. Does he think you’d end up finding out anyway?

Either way I wouldn’t marry him, I’d leave him.

RoomToDream · 20/07/2025 14:38

Even mistakes have consequences. I don't believe the 30 seconds nonsense, but even if it's true, he has to deal with the consequences of his actions and that is the loss of his relationship with you.

It's too late. You can't go into a tainted marriage.

Doggymummar · 20/07/2025 14:39

This is the stupidist story ever. Does he think you are thick and have no self respect?

Isittimeformynapyet · 20/07/2025 14:41

Does he intend to leave his job OP? I'd make it a prerequisite that he hand in his resignation immediately.

Then I'd dump him, obviously.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2025 14:41

Nachoinseachthu · 20/07/2025 14:33

There seems to be consensus here but think I disagree. I’ve read of alcohol destroying so many good relationships.

If the genders were reversed, it would be considered that your fiancé was raped, being too drunk to properly consent.

And he told you about it. Is he under threat of blackmail, or doing the right thing by telling you?

Shares of grey, I think.

EDIT: Or… has he realised he’s got an STI, and is telling you the most sanitised version possible? Get tested, anyway.

Edited

Of all of the silly ‘reverse the genders’ comments we see on MN every day, this is the silliest.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 20/07/2025 14:42

Don’t marry him, you will regret it.
Also, surely you don’t believe that ridiculous story he gave you about how it happened.

SummerCanDoOne · 20/07/2025 14:42

That does sound like a pretty tall tale tbf. And even if you took the act itself out of the equation the fact he appears to be very easily led and has an appalling lack of judgement would make me question whether he was husband material.

If you're so shocked and devastated you feel unable to make decision at least phone and get the wedding postponed for a year to take the pressure off while you come to terms with what has happened.