Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

😮😀

His story is just his story.

Sadly, you need to move on.

What did she put the condom on a limp penis??
You’re hearing the best version of events he can think of to make himself a victim.
30 seconds is probably enough for some guys too!
As soon as he realised it was a brothel he would have left if he wanted to.

What he means is he would hate the OP cheating but his mates get a pass.

Very sorry this has happened to you OP. But he has cheated and he's trying to cop off the blame on his mate. The second he realised it was a brothel he could have walked out, the second his mate was discussing prices, he could have left, the second the prostitute was pulling his trousers and putting the condom on he could have shoved her off and left. He could have stopped it at any point, he didn't until he was inside another woman and regretted his choice. I have no doubt he regrets what he's done but he has still done it but he's covering for himself instead of being honest about it. He hasn't nearly cheated, he did cheat. I'd leave.

Could you be "convinced" into using a sex worker? I couldn't.

This makes no sense. Why would his workmate take him to a prostitutes house randomly? He wanted to go there.

He may be regretting it now But the decision of what to do now is yours. I’m so sorry. What an awful shock

So a man who was paralytic manages to remember an event in detail and get enough of an erection that a prostitute could put a condom on and for him to have sex with her.

Ok then…

He is telling you this before someone else tells you what actually happened. Sorry.

It would be completely reasonable to break up with him. But I am going to put out what will be a completely unpopular opinion and say that of all the cheating scenarios I've come across, the fact that you think he genuinely has strong morals, and he (according to him) was unable to go through with it, told you everything without being caught out, and felt awful, does make it possible that this has taught him he never wants to cheat again. So while often its "once a cheater, always a cheater", if you really want to give it another go, and really believe he is a decent person and won't do it again, it may not be completely foolish to stay, as long as he is willing to do whatever it takes to earn back your trust.

Agreed. His version makes it sound like he was practically almost sexually assaulted…

It sounds too like you want to still get married if you can be assured was a drunken one off… no one can give you a cast iron guarantee though. You’re invested, wedding pending and not wanting to tell anyone in RL, sounds like you’ve already decided to forgive him.

Just really sorry it happened. Never ceases to amaze me how women can often (and musing just in general) fall so hard for what are when it comes down to it weak and mediocre men.

It’s all someone else’s fault isn’t it? His friend, the girl, everyone but him. And that’s if you believe his story. Which I don’t.

he has done it more than once… he’s done it many times

You know whats worse than the cheating?

The BS he's peddling.

He drunkenly thought he was meeting a business colleague? He didnt recognise a brothel? As his pal negotiated the price/paid he stood there?

Then instead of leaving, while he was stood there "freaking out" protesting and saying it wasnt right you believe this woman undid his trousers against his will?

AND HE WAS ALREADY HARD!?

He just stood there confused as the condom was put on? And what slipped and fell inside her? Like accidently?

That isnt what happened. Why would a colleague pay for a prostitute for him against his will. Didnt happen. Hes not a victim in this.

At best Id believe he willing went, if not knowingly, and half way through regretted what he was doing and legged it. And now feels ashamed of himself.

You might be able to forgive a lapse in judgement (not sure i would, but you love him so no judgement) but you should absolutely not forgive this fairytale that if true would be SA. Because that didnt happen hes BSing to absolve his guilt while dodging accountability. You cant trust this selfish man.

So sorry this has happened to you. First things first take some time to think about you, how you are feeling now, how you will likely feel in the future.
secondly and I say this not to worry you but do go and get a full sexual health check. This may or may not be the first time this type of behaviour has occurred. Lastly try not to attribute any of the shame yourself. This says nothing about you and is no reflection of your morals etc. Do not go through with the wedding just because you’re embarrassed and don’t want to let people down etc- you haven’t caused this your partner has.

Not so paralytic that he couldn’t walk, recognise that he wasn’t in a workplace, and he still managed to get an erection?!?!? He’s a fucking liar!!!!!! Walk away, keep walking and don’t look back…….you deserve better.

This exactly. He's either a lying little shit or someone with so little backbone that you will have to police him for the whole of your married life.

That would be ex for me.

Please don’t marry this lying sack of shit. Also, please get yourself tested.

Weirdly, I’ve accidentally been on a brothel. Different country, looked like a bar. Oops, I made a mistake. Told DH, he thought it was hilarious.

There’s a long way, full of conscious decisions, between that and having sex with a prostitute. Not ‘mistakes’, conscious decisions. If someone went for my DH's belt buckle unwanted, I could hear the “WTF” from space. Men aren’t stupid puppets, who need to be protected from their idiotic ‘mistakes’. A man has sex with a prostitute, he deserves any consequences he gets.

Apart from all of that, he had no idea if she was coerced, pimped, addicted, desperate. What he did could be (and is in my mind) rape as well. Sex with money isn’t full and enthusiastic consent, and is worse than typical cheating.

Am I being really naive to forgive him?

So naive I can’t even tell you. He’s told you a version of this that is likely so far from the truth, it’s unrecognisable. He’s tried to make it palatable to you, while still being ‘honest’. He’s not being honest. You’ve been given a warped version whereby he’s tried to paint himself almost as a victim.

You’d be an utter fool to believe that and even more so to marry him now. He’s blown it.

Nothing about that story rings true. Sorry.

Get rid. This piece of work has shown you who he is. He WILL do it again, and again and again. Don't believe his lies.

He accidentally had sex with a prostitute?…Seriously OP stop being a doormat.
that’s the most absurd story ever. Dump and run..if he can con you into believing this level of bullshit then can you imagine what your future will be like? It will be one con after another until you’re exhausted and your ability to trust your own instincts and other people is shattered. He’s not a good person.

Its interesting that he a. Timed it b. Was too drunk to realise what he was doing but sober enough to time his mistake c. Thinks 30 seconds is better than 30 minutes

I would hazard a guess, of all of the mistakes the members of Mumsnet could make, accidentally having sex with a prostitute is one of the most unlikely.
It wasn’t even a mistake, it was a decision to cheat.
I hope you raise your own standards.