Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

But i wuv him and his penis accidently fell into the condom and then accidently fell into her vagina but i wuv him and have a big lovely fluffy wedding planned and ive always wanted to be a wuvly bride in a wuvly dress and poor him he wont do it again but if he does i will ignore it coz my wuvly wedding photos in my wuvly house are whats important..........he has done it before he will do it again he only told you coz either he has an STI or someone is just about to out him.....herpes HIV and hepatus are for life not just xmas

What do you mean he doesn’t care about consent?

It's banana to even consider this guy moral. Moral people don't get pressured or talked into such things. Big ick.

So he says he was pissed, forced to have sex with a woman then ran away
and is only telling you now

hes a bloody charming man

Damn girl, at least you'd have your self respect. You're rationalizing staying with him. It's your choice, but there are plenty of dudes who wouldn't cheat. Ay least he told you...? But fool me once and all that.

Why would his colleague care to organise and pay for someone else to have sex with a prostitute? People don’t tend to just pay for that out of some weird altruism…

And why would they pressure a very drunk man into sex?

Doesn’t really add up imo.

98% people on here may be screaming at you that you are stupid if you don't dump him and run immediately, but a minority are potentially more strategic and being strategic might be a better choice in your situation. If you do go ahead and marry him, just make sure you know why, and your eyes are wide open, you're not in denial, not being naive. Play a longer game, that benefits you, if that's what you want to do - it's your life.

with Kindness, get rid of him. The pain will be a lot easier to deal with now than in the future. He is feeding you a load of rubbish. Imagine putting a condom on a random man and he feigns not knowing what was happened or how he accidentally slipped inside someone. Utter bullshit, don’t fall for it

Are you quite well? This is nonsensical drivel.

Ugh! Don't marry him because you don't want anyone else to. Or because you don't want to have to figure out how to be strong and independent. Sounds like that's what you're focusing on and I sense you'll just continue on anyway because you think it will be an 'easier' life. It won't 🤷‍♀️

Be the role model your children deserve. They will be fine if YOU are fine.

It sounds like he may have a drinking problem. If so, I'd consider putting wedding plans on hold. You need to see if he is serious about addressing the problem - addictions counsellor, AA meetings, addiction-savvy psychiatrist.

The other possibility is he is a sex and/or porn addict. Similar advice would apply.

Another possibility is he is extremely clever at faking and manipulation, and is testing the waters to see how much you'd be willing to put up with.

I thought marry & divorce later. It's a horrible thing to do, but you need to look out for yourself & ensure you get your half of assets.

Also go back to work & reclaim a social life. I found being an SAHM a huge power imbalance & took away a lot of my choices - including leaving. Going back to work has shifted it back a bit more towards being equal.

For those thinking he'd have to live with the public shame if they split, tell new partners etc. He won't. I ran into my friend's ex husband who went on about how he didn't know what went wrong, he'd put her up on pedestal, basically hinting he'd been Mr Wonderful she was at fault. Perhaps he didn't realise she'd told me he slept with prostitutes multiple times on one trip & gave her an STD. Then tried to blame her for it..... (He would have done it much more often, just got caught this time).

That was the first 30’ seconds he didn’t give a shit about you!
The next time will be easier!
Even postpone the wedding if you are going to work things out!
He needs a punishment of some sort!

Marry him, rinse him, zero guilt

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I understand the advice to marry him and sneakily get ducks in a row but that would be incredibly difficult to go through with. Op has said she can't even imagine having sex with this man ever again. A wedding day would be excruciating, I doubt even half the people suggesting this could actually do it.

....Op I would postpone the wedding while you figure this out and also try to live separately while you feel so devastated. You need time and space. Maybe send him to his parent's sofa or something and let him come over every weekend to see the children. You do not have to make any big life decisions straight away, but for now if you can't look at him send him away. And tell someone in real life who you trust to support you.
Take care, it's a horrible thing that he's done.

I am very things can be forgiven, life is grey but this would be a red line for me, I couldn’t ever get over my partner using a prostitute, an affair/ one night stand maybe, using a prostitute never, as other posters said no one held a gun to his head

Sorry this has happened to you.

Not necessarily

I'm going to be blunt here. You will be supporting 2 kids because their excuse of a father has chosen to shag prostitutes and split up his family.
No one to look after them.if you want to go out? Wtf. Your kids will be grown up before you know it. Go out all you want then.
Attractive or not, he will do it to the next woman he is with because that's who he is.
Look after yourself and your kids and teach them this is not how you treat people you care about!

My ex fiance had sex with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago. I had myself checked for diseases and threw him out, and now I just want some sympathy - is how the headline should read.

And also op, I just wanted to say having read your update, I left my stbxh who did similar when our child was very little. It was also a huge shock because he wasn't 'the type' when he was around me or anyone else who knew me. I also had to leave my home, get a new job and move miles away in order to afford housing on my own. I will still never ever forgive him for destroying ds chance to have a stable family unit. But do you know what - I'm OK. I'm doing really well, ds is thriving. It's been a hell of a year and I'm in regular therapy, but I'm really bloody proud of myself and I'm glad I left. Because it would have shredded my self esteem and my dignity to stay.

You haven't ruined your family op, he's done that all by himself and it's such a massive betrayal. Just remember that none of it is your fault/shame to carry, and I say that because at the start I found it all deeply humiliating but that feeling doesn't last. I love my new job, I'm slowly making new friends here, ds already has, I'm in a better financial situation overall and I answer to noone. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but it's not impossible. You absolutely are strong enough for this.

They 'convinced him to do it?' The poor, helpless man! I wouldn't buy it myself and I'd be out of there.

If he was that paralytic I doubt he would’ve been able to get it up enough to put a condom on, let alone have penetrative sex!

I totally agree with this and @Snowdrop219 , don’t be influenced by everyone on here telling you to leave him OP, if you want him to stay then that is your choice, and it’s your decision to give him a second chance.
It is not true ‘once a cheater always a cheater’, anyone can make a foolish mistake especially if they’re drunk, only you know if you can both come back from this and make your partnership work.
It really doesn’t have to be the end of everything, do what you want to do.