Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Well you've answered your own question then. Stay put and get over it.

You say he will go onto marry someone else.

Sorry but of course he may go onto date and marry but how will he answer this question?

’So why did you split up with the mother of your children?’

He has two choices
a) truth - not a great start to dating.
b) he lies knowing you could spill the beans at any time - meaning his relationship will have a foundation of lies - not a great start.

He isn’t a catch and (assuming he runs with option 2 - truth) is unlikely to ever be seen as a catch again. The majority of women would run a mile if they know the truth.

How was he the past fortnight, since it happened? Normal, agitated, odd? How did he cope managing to keep this information inside him?

I wonder if his mates spouse has found out and has threatened to tell you?

Op, you are the catch here. Get real life support and don’t marry him. You may end up with pisd - you really need real life support.

Nope… bin him off. He went through with it and that’s disgusting and he’s betrayed you! Prick

Public solicitation is illegal in the UK. If you are arrested for solicitation and it turns out that the sex worker was trafficked there are severe penalties. Doesn’t matter whether you were aware that they were trafficked or not. Similarly brothels are illegal in the UK and if you’re caught, the same severe penalties apply if the sex worker has been trafficked to work in that brothel.

My goodness, how old is he? H can't be a kid if he is a successful guy with children. If he'f been eighteen, got drunk and led astray I'd have some sympathy

Can you live with this and put it behind you?

I think he should go to the police about the serious sexual assault he’s experienced, and tell them the story exactly as he’s told it to you.

This is an excellent point OP.

Are we sure he hasn’t got cold feet about the wedding (‘losing his freedom’ etc) and is telling you this to ensure you break up with him so he doesn’t have to do it himself?

Sorry for your situation. So upsetting for you

It says they convinced him to do it, then she said she took his trousers down.

There are options, you can train and get a job and support yourself and your kids with the help of universal credit
once the kids are old enough. It’ll be extremely difficult and they’ll be very limited funds but we do have a safety net to allow you to do this - no one will
starve. Or you decide that you’d prefer to stay with him and all that entails in order to be financially better off. Only you can decide which is the best option for you.

What an awful thing to do - prostitute or not, regret or not - he chose to do it, nobody forced him, regardless of what he says. Id never be able to forgive this. I'm sorry, I can't imagine your turmoil - he's clearly not who you thought he was - that's not a mistake, it was a choice which he now regrets. You deserve better.

I feel like I’m going very against the grain here with other mumsnetters, but I had a friend in a very similar position to you.

She was already married at this point and he was regretful, told her it would never happen again and she ended up forgiving him as they had a child under 1 at the time and she didn’t wish to break up the family and didn’t want to give up being a SAHM and having her whole life turned upside down.

Surprise he ended up doing it again and all I can say is something shifted in her, she just stopped caring. On the face of it she told him she forgave him again but to us girls she basically admitted it was all a facade, she knew he was likely to do it again, but this time she was checking out. She just sees him as a career now, she gets a house paid for, gets to stay home while her daughter is now in school, during school times she gets to brunch, go to the gym and just keep on top of the house.

She has a little nest egg saved up from her ‘allowance’ and is just enjoying life until her child is off to university, at which point she intends on divorcing and rinsing him for everything he has (she already has her ducks lined up ready).

He doesn’t notice that she’s checked out, but even if he did the threat of her taking everything keeps him at bay (she’s an equal shareholder in the business he runs).

Essentially what I’m trying to say is that if you intend on staying with someone like this, it’s likely he’ll do this again as it’s no accident, but you need to be clever about it and make sure you’re protecting yourself as much as possible. You can be happy to an extent in a relationship like this, but it takes a certain type of person to be able to live like this, so you need to seriously consider if you’re that type of person.

Whatever you do though, do not sign a prenup and always keep in the back of your mind that you need an exit plan if you go ahead with the marriage.

He paid money to have sex with someone, what a vile man.
I'd be personally getting an std check and ending it.

If his description is true in part he was the victim and I might forgive eventually. I would like to hear his work colleagues version though. A drunken act is still something you did, just with limited mental ability to judge what you were doing. Did he admit voluntarily or after you knew? Not the best catch though whatever.

What would you tell your daughter if this happened to her ?

I'm sat here wondering if there was even a condom, and he said there was to manipulate you into thinking it was safe sex, meaning less likely to get an STD and thus you catching it from him..
I hope that makes sense it's all part of the convoluted lies

Op you are so vulnerable here and I feel like you know that. This needs to change

it sounds like you are going to marry him anyway. On the plus side this will entitle you to a share of family assets on divorce. I would insist on things changing at home. Right now you are enabling him in his career by caring for the DC. You need to get back to work and start building your own career and he needs to step up at home. The chances of him having an affair and leaving you even once you are married are way higher even he is clearly morally corrupt. If he isn’t already contributing to a pension for you insist he does this while you either start training for a career of return to your existing career. Put yourself in a position where you can leave with assets and money behind you.

head banging on door…. Why bury the lead that you have children with this man? That is so much more relevant than him being your fiancé.

either way, you shouldn’t believe a word he says, but you can’t get the clean break you would get if he was actually a fiancé.

I would start by getting yourself tested for sti.

then you need to renter the workforce. You can’t continue to put your faith in this man.

Adviceneededrewedding

Last night my fiancé told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.
Ex fiancé surely?

Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc.
That's the point at which he should have left.

Work friend/ prostitutes say to him this is normal everyone does it
No it's not and no they don't.

and he says they convince him to do it.
Oh OP that's terrible, imagine being 'convinced' to do this when moments ago he thought this was so wrong.

He said the girl........ put on condom
Lets hope at least this bit of the story is true.

and they had sex for 30 seconds
How many seconds would be enough for you to kick this piece of shit to the kerb?

he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating
He put his dick in a prostitute, that's not 'close' to cheating.

I’m in shock tbh
So are we

he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values.
Who can also be 'convinced' to shag a prostitute. You do know that requires an erection to participate? He's not a passive victim OP.

He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.
What, put his dick in a prostitute? Oh, that's ok then.

Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc
That you know of

Am I being really naïve to forgive him?
Yes

What, sort of prostitute herself for a life style and a baby sitter?........ok

100% this
Maybe the coldplay outing video going viral has given him second thoughts

Not sure why this question even needs to be asked!
the immediate and permanent ick this would give me would have me running faster than you could say STI test!
not just the fact he cheated but the fact the story he told you is so pathetic I’m surprised he had the balls to say it out loud.
cancel the wedding and move on. And definitely make sure you tell all invited why it was cancelled.

You know his morals and values...is he easily led? and unable to say no to peer pressure?

If a man ever tried to sell me that story making out he did it because a work mate put pressure on him I'd think it was even worse than doing it because he wanted to.

Causing all that hurt and pain, not because he wanted sex, but just because he didn't want to uphold his morals and values in front of his mate? What kind of morals and values are then then?

Even if it happened as he said, I agree that pressuring something into something is 'morally wrong', but its even more morally wrong to go along with it and ignore your apparent morals and values.

This is more complicated due to being a sahm and children. If you were child free I’d say run but it may be more financially beneficial to marry and divorce. What a horrible situation OP but you can’t believe this story.

100% do NOT split up with him until you’ve married him! Financially protect yourself and your children.

Your kids don’t want a father like him. They wont thank you in the long run. He is not a good role model. Who wants someone like that around their kids. He is a vile, self indulgent pathetic excuse of a man. Get rid.