Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Now I've read the updates I'm inclined to agree. Screenshot any messages where he confesses. Agree to the wedding but suggest a smaller intimate (cheaper) ceremony. Then divorce him so everything he's got. Keep the house. You'll have a far better life as a single parent than with this guy.

30 seconds is still 30 seconds he was in someone else, absolutely foul.

So if the situations were reversed you're talking about a woman being brought to a brothel with male prostitutes, agreeing to go along with it, and then saying she was raped?

Women might freeze and go along with things in a scenario where that wasn't a brothel, and it was just a house with men in it.

In a brothel we know that there tends to be vulnerable women, they're not dangerous women or horny women...if the situations were truly reversed we're talking about equally vulnerable men who probably can't stand sex anymore and only do it to be paid, then I don't think I'd have a fear of being raped or assaulted in that situation in any way. I'd just leave.

He’s lying. He cheated and felt guilty.

Do not marry this “man”

better lose money now then go through with the day and divorce in year because he’s done it again

Should OP also make him a nice dinner and see if she can help him with his guilt?

I completely agree that both could be victim, it seems that you have a problem with reading and also have a problem with grasping the concept of a woman being a perpetrator. They could both be victims, the woman could be a victim and the man a perpetrator, the man could be a victim and the woman a perpetrator.
Of course the mates wrong, his friend said he weren't comfortable and the mate pushed him to stay rather than respect his wishes. The mate also went to a brothel which by my standards is wrong. As I said women can be coerced and forced in to prostitution (can, that is different to saying all prostitutes are) anyone who would enter the place when they can't be sure this isn't happening are morally wrong. As I said I'm not clear on the legality but there could also be a crime there in arranging for sex to be solicited.

It is in no way uncommon for men who are raped to get an erection or even ejaculate. It’s an involuntary response. Not saying that is what happened here but that is scientific fact.

It doesn't say he agreed, it says she took his trousers down, put a condom on him and then they had sex for 30 seconds.

Please don’t be naive enough to A: believe his story or B: stay with this man. Even if his story was true (it’s not), he still cheated. With a prostitute.
unless you’re super young/ sheltered you must have heard these stories from other men / other couples a million times. A lot of men will lie and lie and lie whether he was the one to come clean or not. I have seen this happen so many times. The story you’ve been fed is bs and it’s likely it wasn’t the first time and it will not be the last.
Think of it as a fresh start. If he’s a decent man, HE will look after his children when you want to go out. You will get your life back and you won’t be alone for the rest of your life. It will be hard and I you probably won’t leave him. But it would be the best thing you could do.

Ex-fiance. He left it a bit late to run away from the situation.
A lot of blaming, excuses and little personal responsibility.

Anyone who grew up with brothers or has teenage sons will be well aware that erections often happen involuntarily.

Also anyone who's done even the slightest bit of research will know that some, not all, prostitutes do it to make easy money or in rare cases because they enjoy it

But he did “do it”.

Oh women can be the victim but prostitutes are always the victim of rape so how can she become the perpetrator when she is the victim because of the situation she was in. So it is either both or just her. Not rocket science to say that someone who is raped daily by men is a perpetrator!

The slave doesn't have power over the master. To suggest otherwise is ludicrous.

How is the mate wrong? If the man chose to go in there - fuck a prostitute and lie about his mate, how is his mate to blame?

He did do it.

This.

As they say, if a woman is hungry, the thing to put in her mouth is food, not your dick.

Let’s be honest. He’s either been guilt tripped or worried he will be found out.! I smell I rat.

Oh god. I hope you’re old and not just a weird pick me. This mentality in 2025 is extremely toxic. And frankly pathetic.
would you give a woman the same grace? It isn’t difficult to not go to brothels. No matter how drunk you are.

Oh god. I hope you’re old and not just a weird pick me. This mentality in 2025 is extremely toxic. And frankly pathetic.
would you give a woman the same grace? It isn’t difficult to not go to brothels. No matter how drunk you are.

And to the people suggesting he might have been raped. No female prostitute is out there raping or coercing men into sex. They don’t have to! If there are 2 men in a brothel, they are much safer than the women. it IS very different the other way around.

Why did you decide to have 2 kids with him before getting married??

The thing is, he will cheat again. Whether it's cheating in your relationship or in that with his next wife.

Having sex with a prostitute is even less forgivable than a one night stand.

You're going to forgive him. You're going to marry him. He will cheat again. Eventually, either you'll find his cheating so disgusting, you'll leave him years in the future, when you're even older and less able to move on. OR he'll eventually leave you for another woman.

But be clear, this relationship is dead in the water. It either ends now or later.

Did he has public sex in front of his male coworker and the other prostitutes....this all sounds totally batshit....also for 30s

Nah he’s only telling you because he thinks someone else will.

If you can’t imagine ever having sex with him again, definitely don’t marry him. How embarrassing would it be to walk down the aisle knowing all his friends know you know.

This is your opportunity to exit.

Does he actually understand how arousal and erections work?
He'd be toast as far as l'm concerned, l'm afraid.

I'm sure this has already been mentioned, but if a bloke's too drunk to have autonomy over what he does, he's certainly way too drunk to get it up.

It's not called brewer's droop for nothing.

He's telling lies. What lies is unclear. But lies.