Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic,

If he really was that drunk he'd have brewers' droop- no erection.

Some women are trafficked, a great many aren't.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.
op no. No no no no no! You are the better person in this relationship. You. Not him. Whatever might happen in the future it still all stemmed from him cheating. X

I couldn't stay with him after it.

Even if you wanted to stay with him then how would that work, would you be ok with him working at the same job? Is the work friend invited to the wedding? What about if he wants to go out drinking again? What if he promises not to go out drinking and wants to start going back out drinking next year?

Men in these circumstances will often say all the right things about being sorry at the start but they don't want to deal with any consequences, and when you're still dealing with the consequences down the line and paranoid about them going out etc they'll turn it on you and make out you're controlling and crazy.

This ⬆️

Putting OP and her fiance aside for a second - there are a startling number of people on this thread who think that having an erection is the same thing as consent. “Oh, he didn’t want to do it? Well, how did he manage to be aroused, then?”

Because arousal is an involuntary physical response to stimulation of the male sex organs. You have no idea how much harm the attitude that arousal equals consent does to sexually abused men and boys. God, I wish I could lock some of you in a room and make you listen to Erik Menendez’s entire testimony from 1993.

Have to be done with this thread for the sake of my blood pressure. Best of luck, OP, and do your best to be a person you can be proud of.

You’ve got that the wrong way round. A great many are trafficked and some aren’t.

”Approximately 4.8 million people are victims of forced sexual exploitation globally each year” (worldmetrics).

Yeah, I could never ever get over my partner paying to use a woman's body, esp a woman who is statistically likely to be vulnerable and/or exploited and trafficked.

But to make it worse he is absolutely not taking any responsibility. His work mate pressured him into it?! I don't believe that for a second. If he was a moral as you say he is he would have left the second he realised it was a brothel not after having sex.

There is no chance I'd go ahead with the marriage and I'd be telling everyone exactly why.

Really, @YankSplaining . So that means he had to have sex with this woman,then?.
No. That was his choice.

I agree as many are forced by situation not people.

Dear op, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and what a terrible situation to deal with when you have had a stable life (I assume), children and a home together -- there's so much to lose.

I wonder if you shared thjs because on some level you're aware that what he's told you doesn't make sense. Others here seem to be giving voice to some of the fears you may have.

As you are a SAHM mother with children, I expect you have less financial protection in your current non-married status and it might be a good idea for you to seek legal advice before taking any action. Eg does he own the property alone? Do you have savings? Etc.

Coerced into being sexually aroused and able to have penetrative sex with a prostitute, rather than being repulsed at the idea of doing that?

Are you aware how male anatomy works?

Liars often tell a half truth for fear of being caught, in order to get ahead of the story. I wouldn’t believe the “persuaded it was normal” or “30 seconds” nonsense, personally.

And can remember everything that happened despite being rat-arsed!

Liars over explain situations.

Yes this actually

Also 30 seconds of not a short about of time (I mean, it's a a disappointing amount) but still and count to 30. That's how long he lasted before he decided to leave.

she took his trousers down and put a condom on? Am I stupid because wouldn’t he have to be hard to do that? Which means he was turned on by either kissing or touching prior to the trousers coming off? I’d actually be sick if my partner done this. He’d be gone no question about it and I’d legit never talk to him again. Have some self respect he slept with someone and paid for it.

Well the mate is definitely in the wrong, I wouldn't know the legality of it but I'm sure there would be some crime in there and without a doubt it would be morally wrong.
If it is the prostitute you mean when you say the woman can't consent I wouldn't jump to that, she may well have been forced or coerced in to prostitution or she could be making that decision for herself and having sex with the man without his consent to exploit him for cash. Life isn't so black and white that all women are good and all men are bad or all women are the victims in prostitution or sexual encounters.
He may well be lying, OP will be best placed to know. If my DH told me this story I'd be inclined to believe him because I know his morals and values. If it was my ex I would know he was spinning a tale to try and get away with it.

But there’s no way for a punter to know whether a prostitute in a brothel is consenting freely or not. It’s unlikely it even crosses their mind to wonder about the woman they’re paying for sex.

He wants you to dump him OP (even if it is subconcious)

I am 100% sure this marriage will not go ahead.

Tell HIM to move out.

Imagine going to the police to accuse a prostitute of sexually assaulting you after you went to the brothel where she works and even admitted that you'd been convinced to do it before she even touched you.

He'd be laughed at if he reported that.

How is the mate definitely in the wrong? You were there?

She cannot consent to sex - give over that prostitutes exploit men for cash! Jesus I have never heard anything so pathetic in all my life!

If you bothered to read I put both as the victim but you couldn't grasp that concept could you or just ignored it.

Most men would lie and do this. So laws of probability are that he is a liar.

He should not be your fiance any longer. He may have told you only because he was afraid someone else would. No-one goes to meet business leads when paralytically drunk.

Get a grip. He couldn’t do it, feels awful about the whole thing, confessed to you. Forgive him and get on with your life together. Who hasn’t been either tempted, or put in an awkward situation? We’re not all perfect, in spite of what mumsnetters might think