Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Call off the wedding and tell everyone the truth about him.

Would you want your daughter to marry someone like that?

That’s a stretch. A woman cannot rape a man. Sexual assault yes, but not rape. And if he was coerced and drunk how did he get an erection ?

The point is that the customer does not know which ones are being forced, doing it to feed a drug habit, because they are psychologically damaged, or are fully willing. Therefore the punter does not know if there is genuine consent, which makes him not much different to a rapist.
I do not believe for a minute that many prostitutes actually enjoy having sex with men they aren't even attracted to. Ridiculous.

Just wanted to recommend this excellent book to all the women on here who think ‘many’ prostituted women are happily whistling on their way to work in brothels every day living their best life.

https://amzn.eu/d/2pfepRU

I'm sure there are some who are doing it for financial reasons and not through trafficking/ drugs/ DV and so in my book that is consent but it's a bit of a stretch to say they enjoy having random cocks inside them, although I'm sure many men would like to believe it true.

He hasn't given any indication whatsoever as far as the OP goes that he feels he was coerced or assaulted or raped. It doesn't ring true. It doesn't ring true because it rings like the kind of lukewarm tale a man tells a woman to play down his own behaviour. The vibe is that he regrets something, either because he's been caught or because he didn't really resist the situation at all.

https://www.redumbrellafund.org/

A couple of weeks ago, a brothel was raided in our town. The women and girls (some underage) had all been trafficked and were paying off "debts". Some of them were drugged and all of them had evidence of physical violence about their persons. Many were never let out, and one woman didn't even have a pair of shoes.
Not a lifestyle choice.

Given the OP has only posted twice and the second post strongly suggests she just HAS to marry this twerp because you know he is attractive and oh so moral and so against cheating and of course he didn’t mean to do it..
Whats the point in posting?
He obviously has either an STI (let’s hope it’s not a really nasty one), someone is or was going to tell, or his payment will be obvious.
Bit it doesn’t matter because nothing anyone says will change her mind.

And for the record - in UK law a woman cannot rape a man.

Considering that studies repeatedly show that over 80%, and most often over 90%, want to exit, it doesn't really speak to there being all that many happy hookers. And I've never once, not once, heard of a man trying to check whether the woman he's paying is trafficked or genuinely consenting. And I've never once heard of a man saying actually, I can't be sure of this, I've changed my mind. What I have heard of is men asking for the kind of women they fetishise and trying to haggle desperate women down on price. The truth is that no man visiting a prostituted woman gives a shit.

30 seconds? What a loser and a liar

I’d get rid immediately

Agreed.

https://amzn.eu/d/2pfepRU

The ones that speak up may enjoy it. There are thousands who are desperate and/or exploited, who don't.

Believe me you will be happier on your own, regardless of finances, than in a marriage with this excuse for a man. He can't even admit responsibility for what he has done. Blaming everyone but himself. You need an STD check up f you've had sex with him since. Please don't have sex with him if you haven't yet - he needs an STD check and, unless things have changed, a HIV test in 3 months (check that out). Not the ideal run up to your wedding. His tears mean nothing.
He'll have to pay for his children. You'll find a job. Also, women in the position you are predicting for yourself, do meet partners, in all sorts of situations.
Those who stick with men like this are exactly that - stuck.

Even many who speak up saying they are making a choice will later come out and say they were trying to justify it to themselves. That includes all kinds of 'sex workers' from those in brothels to those in porn. Until we have a society that supports women properly instead of treating prostitution as some kind of natural backup plan, we should never ever be holding up any individual woman who says they are making an informed decision as the face of prostitution over those who are forced and coerced into it.

They do it out of need - need for food, need for drugs, need for shelter. That doesn't make it a choice. And given the man knows that they may be trafficked - who knows who is and who isn't and he is willing to carry on knowing this person could be - that makes him a rapist.

Another unmarried, SAHM being completely fucked over. I will be drilling it in to DD not to ever become financially dependent on a man she isn't married too.

You know he's lying OP. If you stay you'll never have a minute's peace waiting for him to do it again.

This! Plus consent cannot be bought.

Agree.

Where does it say rape? Someone being aroused doesn't mean they actually consent to sex, that's a pretty dangerous attitude to have. I've been turned on but declined sex for a number of reasons, would it be okay for a man to just go ahead and have sex with me even if I had logical reasons for not wanting to do it? 'She wanted it' 'she was asking for it', that's what he'd say as many sexual abusers do.

You can leave now, whilst you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. Or you can stick around until the next time. Maybe it won’t be soon. Maybe you’ll think he’s changed. But do you want to waste your life committed to someone who doesn’t love & respect you enough to reciprocate? You’ll be wondering, every single night he spends out, whether this is the time he does it again. It’ll drive you mad.

So his mate is guilty of aiding rape and assault by penetration? As he supported said woman who cannot consent and said mate who cannot consent and made them have sex.

Or this guy is watering things down to try and excuse his behaviour.

There’s a huge flaw in his story- no prostitute would sleep with someone or even make moves to initiate contact unless the service was paid for before hand.

So either his story is a crock of shit and he paid for it upfront or his work pal paid for it on the sly.