Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

Prostitution is rape. These women are forced into this situation. We know the amount of stories about trafficking, drug gangs etc. So if you know that this person could be trafficked or being pressured by a drug gang etc you know that this person is not doing this willingly. They may say yes but yes is not consent if there isn't an option to say no.

Much like being robbed at gunpoint isn't you giving away your purse willingly. You had no choice. Hence why that is stealing and not you just giving it charitably.

I would say he's given you an extremely watered down version of events. He's told you this because he thinks you're going to hear about it elsewhere and he's doing damage control. He'll give you the most filtered version of events possible so I'd assume the truth is worse.

For a start, the guy who "brought" him there obviously thought this would be the type of thing he'd be happy to do or he wouldn't have suggested it. Which shows how he presents himself to other guys when you aren't around.

Secondly i think it's highly unlikely he managed to get a condom on and have 30 seconds of sex with a flaccid penis.

He had loads of opportunity to get himself out of that situation and I'd be very surprised if this is the only thing of this nature he's done.

If it were me, I'd be thanking my lucky stars you've realised this before the wedding, leave him immediately and get yourself tested for STIs.

If you marry him you will spend the rest of your one life knowing this is someone who a) is OK with exploiting women for sex and paying for sex b) is happy to take part in illegal activities and potentially ruin his (and your) future to get his kicks and c)lies like nobody's business so you'll never ever be able to trust him again. You now know he can pretend to be an excellent family man by appearance while being the complete opposite when he thinks he'll get away with it. There's no way he won't repeat this, I'd say he's done similar before. Why would you hitch your entire future, financial security, future children's security to someone who has proven themselves untrustworthy?

You need to tell people who care about you in real life, get some support around you and let them help you move on from his loser. You deserve so much better than this.

If he was so.against it and drunk, how or why did he get an ercection he must of fancied her, never heard such a crock of shite!.
It's an insult on op intelligence that he thinks she's stupid enough to believe any of it

Look up the red umbrella fund. Many (not all sex workers) do the work willingly, and often enjoy it.

Thank goodness you found this out before you got married. His pathetic story is an Insult to your intelligence and you’ll never be able to trust him.

Because she doesn't know that yet.

Oh dear the naughty lady forced him to have sex with her. Get rid he only told you because he is guilty and may have got caught anyway. Seriously do not marry this man in 6 months. This is his shame he is disgusting 🤮 most of these poor women are trafficked because of men like him

Some prostitutes have been trafficked and/or are drug users. Others are not.
My response was not connected to what men may or may not say.

Honestly OP, you shouldn't be a SAHP when you are not married.
You need to start protecting yourself better.
Marry him, get back to work, no more children.
He's not anything special, hope you can see that now.
But marry him if that is better for your children and security.
But get back to work and insist he share the load.

Somebody you both know saw him at or leaving the brothel, or has heard about these shenanigans and he’s worried you’re going to be told. He’s come up with this story of passive idiocy trying to cover his arse. The story is so pathetic, he must think that you are stupid to believe it which adds insult to injury in my book. At least you know now and can save yourself before marrying him!

He wouldn't have had sex with her if he didn't want to. He was worried you would find out somehow so he's created a very elaborate story where he is the victim. Oh and he needs to have an erection to be able to have sex! If he gets away with this then expect more of this type of behaviour but its your life.

I'm sorry this happened. At least you found out before you married him. At best, he is gullible, has a problem with alcohol, and has issues with ingrained, perhaps unconscious misogyny (an ethical person would have said no much, much sooner and not allow himself to be persuaded).

If you've just found out what happened, you're likely in shock because this is completely unexpected and because it has put your whole life and future in disarray. You don't have to make a decision today about what to do, but consider asking him to stay somewhere else for a while if you feel you need space to think. He can take the children too, if it helps.

Some things to think about, and eventually ask: As he seems to be blaming alcohol for this (I'm skeptical), is he willing to quit drinking? To get help to quit drinking if he can't do it alone? To go to couples counseling with you and take it seriously even though what's required of him is going to be a huge hassle? To be completely transparent with you about everything until trust is rebuilt, if it can be rebuilt, even if it takes years? And what is he going to do about the fact that he works in a toxic workplace and apparently has very poor judgement about the friends he chooses?

If the two of you split up, he still has 50% of the responsibility for your children together. You can go out and do what you want during the time he has the children. If he shirks his responsibility, make sure he is at least paying full maintenance until they are 18 (the law can compel this if he won't do it willingly). His responsibilities as a parent are absolutely NOT dependent on his being in a relationship with you.

I agree with the others though his running scared.

The more likely version is he took a college to a place he normally visits. He was likely tipsy, he got oral or a hand job to get hard for the condom, whether he had full sex or not is whatever he still did a bit.

No sex worker rips off a drunk man’s pants and he has a magical boner despite he protests of not wanting this and hops on for 30 seconds.

His buddy likely didn’t do anything with the prostitute and told your chap he comes clean or he will and he is disgusted with him.

I'm easy going and always like to see both sides of a story but I don't believe him for one minute. Trust me there will definitely be more to his story and it won't be good unfortunately.

Get rid of him stop it now

If he genuinely inserted his penis into a prostituted woman because he was unable to say no to his friend then im really not sure he is someone who can navigate life without some sort of support worker.

He is totally lying about what happened. He wasn't raped FFS. It's most likely he did it very willingly and did not stop 30 seconds in as he is claiming. What you are getting is trickle truth. He tells you a bit of the truth then lies about the rest of it. If you keep questioning him you'll get another tiny trickle of truth and more lies to cover for the previous lies, and so on and so forth. Don't bother because it will drive you mad. Just walk away and do not marry him.

Yep. I think I’d find it quite hard to play this long game, but it would put you and your children in a better position ultimately, I think, @Adviceneededrewedding. But such a tough thing for you to have to do.

This guy is not going to get married.

You get what you settle for, OP.

And I can't stress this enough
YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR.

He put his dick in another woman. If you stay with him, he WILL do it again.

.

B.I.N.G.O!

This isn’t necessarily true. Many sex workers are trafficked yes, but many are not and do it by choice.

Under UK law it’s not possible for a man to be raped by a woman. So no, he definitely wasn’t raped.

Sorry, I haven’t read the whole thread - but please read this and marry him. You will protect your life and with your children. A court would likely grant you the house until they’re 18 and maintenance for you and them.

Without marriage you will have no rights to the house (if you’re not a joint owner), his money other than child maintenance. It’s stark.

And if you do split up unmarried - he will probably find someone else as you say and have a lovely life. Men tend to do this….