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Original poster

Fiance slept with a prostitute

630 replies

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 13:02

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

OP posts:
ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 20/07/2025 16:51

Now I know you have kids and you're a sahm I'd say marry him. That way you at least have some financial protection. I really hope I'm wrong op but I suspect in a few years you will be back telling us he's been seeing prostitutes regularly :( good luck, if your not going to leave him you need to set some rules e.g. never sees that friend again, full access to phone etc. I'd get regular sti checks too

Sunaquarius · 20/07/2025 16:54

If this was me, this relationship would have to end. No only have they cheated on you and just dehumanized a woman by paying for her body (which is utterly disgusting), they've also revealed how weak their character is by admitting they were convinced into something that was morally wrong.

You need to be with someone who has the strength to do what is right without succumbing to outside influences.

LaDeeDaDeeDumb · 20/07/2025 16:55

I was going to say I would marry him so you can divorce later too but someone has already said it

ThisPithyJoker · 20/07/2025 16:55

You don't know what to do!? Really? You leave him and you thank your lucky stars you found out about this before the wedding.

He may well feel shit about it and as though he was taken advantage of. But he was sober and had sex with someone else. Someone who's consent had been paid for. He should have been horrified by the very suggestion if it wasn't his idea.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'd struggle to trust anyone again. I can't imagine how awful you must feel.

workshy46 · 20/07/2025 16:56

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

That changes things considerably.. marry him .. get a job and build a future with one eye on the door. He’s clearly spoofing .. i suspect others were there and he’s worried about it getting back but you have zero bargaining position here. At least being married you are protected financially but you need to wake up and consider why you left yourself in such a vulnerable position being unmarried and being a sahm. Insanity.. you are right though .. he will eventually move on as he won’t have any respect for you once you forgive him but you need time to plan and build up your career before that happens so time now to get smart and play the long game. You never know .. it may even work out

SexRealist20 · 20/07/2025 16:59

1 in 5 girls are SA'd as kids & they don't pay to grape

SquallyShowersLater · 20/07/2025 17:01

Forget the story he told you about how he was uniwittingly led into a prostitute's lair and how she basically sexually assaulted him and he didn't have the heart to say no and went along with penetrative sex anyway, in spite of being absolutely paralytic. All of that will be a fairy tale full of things he thinks will make it sound less bad.

There are only two things that matter here. 1) He had sex with a prostitute. 2) He has chosen to come clean and tell you about it. There may be reasons for that. He may think you are going to find out soon anyway, perhaps someone has threatened to tell you. He might be shitting himself and wants you to hear the soft soaped version before someone else gets to you with the version where he's not such a gullible victim.

Or perhaps his remorse is genuine, although frankly I am not sure what good telling you is going to do. If he feels disgusted with himself and never wants to do anything that icky again, then he should have just stayed quiet and lived with the guilt instead of putting it onto you. But now he has, you need to decide how you feel about it. And what you want to do about your wedding.

ChicaWowWow · 20/07/2025 17:02

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

Marry him, then divorce him a bit later and get half of everything + CMS if you have full custody. Fuck him! He's a waste of skin!

Rewis · 20/07/2025 17:02

Strong family values but is fine with having sex with prostitutes? Never been close to cheating but now had sex with a prostitute.

He has several chances to leave. Once the prove negotiations started, when he realised it was a brothel, when his trousers wete going down, when a condom was put on him, when the woman laid down and he decided to penetrate. Doesn't sound like it wasn't a willing participant and he was coerced into it?

I personally wouldn't marry him. I'm not very black and white on cheating, but this is something I wouldnt get over. Sleeping with a prostitute is not a lapse in judgement there is the concerns of trafficking and I'd be worried about her age. Also, one major factor for me would be if he paid for it himself, if his friend paid for it or did he run out and she didnt get paid at all? I would also like to know the truth about the 30sek.

But I wouldn't judge anyone who stays. I feel like after cheating there are two options. Wither you truly forgive and trust him to never do something like this. Or you accept that your marriage will involve cheating but it is worth it for the comfort of the marriage. If you decide to go with trusting him, make him do the work. He cant just say "I'll do anything you want me to" making you do all the work. He has to come up with things to prove himself. Cut out work friend, change jobs, organise counseling, individual and couples etc. These need to come from him and not you telling him

Rosscameasdoody · 20/07/2025 17:02

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

Do you not think he knows this ? With the exception of you being alone for the rest of your life - which is bullshit. You deserve better than this. Get your ducks in a row - see a solicitor and get some information on what you’re entitled to when you split as an unmarried couple before you make any assumptions. May be better to marry to secure marital assets and then divorce.

Okthxbyebye · 20/07/2025 17:03

You leave him and charge all wedding expenses to his account.

Sorry you are going through this. I personally won’t be able to forgive that nor have sex with him again if this happened to me. I will be thinking of the “30secs” (highly doubt that too) every time we have sex and I won’t put myself through that.

Rosscameasdoody · 20/07/2025 17:03

ChicaWowWow · 20/07/2025 17:02

Marry him, then divorce him a bit later and get half of everything + CMS if you have full custody. Fuck him! He's a waste of skin!

Show quote history

This makes sense OP. You’re entitled to so much more once you’re married.

Toptotoe · 20/07/2025 17:06

Marry him and plot your escape. You will have better rights if you divorce.

SexRealist20 · 20/07/2025 17:07

Leave the kids with him for a while. Find a job with accommodation? a cruise? caravan park? Study/ find student accommodation?

NoTouch · 20/07/2025 17:07

What a prince - kids and SAHM, you need to protect your and their future.

Tell him you will marry him for your kids security, but not publicly after this as too ashamed, elope - this gives you some security. He can make the excuses to both families/friends but you will not lie for him if asked.

You want house and savings signed over to your name as you feel you can no longer trust him and need security for you and the kids.

You want money put into a private pension for you.

You want to retrain/go to uni so you can have own career and financial security and expect him to support that even if it means his career is impacted.

You will not share a bed with him until you both go to counselling and work through this. He is in the spare room or couch for the foreseeable.

You'll soon find out if he realises the enormity of what he has done and how genuinely contrite he truly is, or if he thinks you should just get over it.

ThatGladTiger · 20/07/2025 17:09

Marry him

Then 6 months later divorce the arsehole. You’ll be able to stay in the house and get maintenance with a good lawyer.

Sorry you’re going through this.

Personperson · 20/07/2025 17:10

I don't believe a word that he's saying. You'd be a fool to trust him and stay with him.

Now he has opened pandora's box, there is no closing it and he will do it again.

steff13 · 20/07/2025 17:10

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

I wouldn't want to marry him but you've put yourself in a pretty precarious financial situation. So I think at this point I probably would go forward with it.

Hulabalu · 20/07/2025 17:11

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

If you’ll be financially better off then Get married then divorce him for half , you keep & stay in house

Hulabalu · 20/07/2025 17:13

NoTouch · 20/07/2025 17:07

What a prince - kids and SAHM, you need to protect your and their future.

Tell him you will marry him for your kids security, but not publicly after this as too ashamed, elope - this gives you some security. He can make the excuses to both families/friends but you will not lie for him if asked.

You want house and savings signed over to your name as you feel you can no longer trust him and need security for you and the kids.

You want money put into a private pension for you.

You want to retrain/go to uni so you can have own career and financial security and expect him to support that even if it means his career is impacted.

You will not share a bed with him until you both go to counselling and work through this. He is in the spare room or couch for the foreseeable.

You'll soon find out if he realises the enormity of what he has done and how genuinely contrite he truly is, or if he thinks you should just get over it.

This sounds like good plan if he’ll go for it

Motherofalittledragon · 20/07/2025 17:13

Well you’re the one who’s marrying him so as long as you believe his tall tale, that’s what counts 🙄🤦‍♀️

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/07/2025 17:14

I think the most absurd part of the story is this: "Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it."

Seriously? A "work friend" conned him into having sex with a prostitute?

No - as others have suggested, he did it willingly and has devised an alternate version prior to you finding out some other way.

IberianBlackout · 20/07/2025 17:16

While I think sometimes relationships can recover from cheating, right now I’d postpone the wedding and see what happens. He may continue going downhill. While I don’t personally agree that all sex work is unable to have consent, the mere fact he went to a sex workers or is aligning with men that do…. yikes.

Or like a PP said marry him so that you have some rights if you divorce.

OudAndRose · 20/07/2025 17:16

He's told you a version of the story because he thinks someone else is going to tell you the real story (that he wilfully slept with a prostitute).

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP. In your shoes I would seek legal advice to financially protect you / your children and call off the wedding.

ALPS100 · 20/07/2025 17:17

Adviceneededrewedding · 20/07/2025 15:51

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

You are "annoyed"???? ANNOYED?!

fgs, raise your bar woman