Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

You are better off being alone than being with someone like him, and so are your kids.

The thought of him cozying up to sex workers (trafficked or not) and then going home to his family. Who wants that? Gross.

Seriously call the wedding off and let people know the reason why. Not much of a catch is he? Who in their right mind would want to marry him now and have kids in the future with him. He can’t be that attractive if he’s having to pay for sex.

It’s grim and staying with him will only make you miserable. He can’t be trusted and you will become suspicious and paranoid about what he is up to when he’s late home, or going out to the shops, meeting a friend, etc.

You need to meet some new people and make a happier life for you and your kids preferably without him.

Ah... in light of the information regarding your current status..

'Forgive'. Marry. Sort out your finances so you are self-supporting. Then divorce the fucker.

Go into this eyes wide open, he will do it again. Take what you need, get rid when its convenient to you.

If he is telling the truth and not bending it to make you sympathetic, imagine the genders being reversed. If a woman told us this story we would say that she didn't give full consent, she was placed in a really uncomfortable position and coerced whilst drunk.

I know you feel like you’ll lose a lot but none of it means anything when you don’t have respect or trust.

Some people would stay together in this situation, which is completely your choice.

But if you stay it should be out of forgiveness and love, rather than because you don’t want to be a single parent because I promise you, you will be never be happy.

You don’t need to figure it all out today.

Ask him to leave and give you space and say you will not discuss anything with him until he tells you the truth because what he’s said is the biggest pile of shit ever.

His story sounds unlikely. Do you know the name of the person he was with? If so you could check his phone for conversations with the person around that time and see if any conversations suggest it didn’t happen how he has said, such as him saying last night was fun etc. Of course if he’s smart he would have already deleted all those conversations but you never know.

Everyone on here will tell u to dump him. And they wouldn't be wrong either. But only u can know for sure if u can really get over this x

So annoyed at him for ruining our family.

As you should be. You should be murderous, in fact. Use that anger to throw him out on his sleazy, disrespectful arse.

Your response is quite telling op.
your concern is about you being lonely and the next man in your life. you’re not going to leave him, at least admit that.
he’s done the worst, you will still stay with him, he’s got away with it and will do it again. And so the toxic cycle continues.
I feel for those kids involved.

Sounds like op will likely stay. She’ll be back in ten years moaning how she’s wasted her life on this scum bag.

I understand some of your fears. But you are putting too much value in this man or rather his money. What would you do if he left you? Or died and all his money and property went to clearing debt you didn't know about? The fact that you are a sahm does mean you can't change it. Start thinking of financial independence whether or not you will stay after this incident.
PS: If he really was stripped of trousers by this woman who then put his penis in her without his consent encourage him to report a sexual assault. And hopefully the while story will come out. Or you can at least hear the other side of it

Much better than being married to a liar and a cheat.

I have just told op to encourage her partner to report sexual assault to police because yes, men can be sexually assaulted by women. Very rare but not an absolute impossibility

I think you are the best judge of if his story rings true or not. You know if this situation was out of his control (admittedly through drinking too much), and you know how contrite and upset he is as a result. You also know if you can move on from this and if you need further support etc.

I think you really need to dig deep into understanding if this was something that got (very) out of hand and will never be repeated, or if he will end up in similar situations in the future. Now is the time for him to come clean on anything and everything and to give a plan on how he will approach work drinks in future etc.

I don’t think you need to quit the relationship now if you don’t want to, but perhaps the wedding puts some time pressure on which isn’t helpful. Can you postpone it? I hope that you find a solution and some peace which works for you OP.

Your update makes it MUCH worse. Him owning up to an employed, younger woman who wasn’t financially tied? Vaguely noble maybe (if it was true, but it’s not). Him getting you good and trapped and then having sex with a prostitute? Contemptible.

Get a job, get yourself independent, get yourself out.

So he claims that he was paralytic, but he was obviously aroused by the situation as he managed to maintain an erection to partake in sexual activity with a prostitute. He has no respect for your relationship.

You poor thing. I don't think it's something I could personally get over, I think even if I didn't end it immediately it would end the relationship at some point. I think it will be the same for you, whether that is in a few weeks time or 10 years. Take some time to think things through.

That story reeks of bullshit though, I'm sorry to say and I think deep deep down you know it too.

Look he only went to Soho to go to a gay bar, but ended up in the wrong door & fell down the stairs. At the bottom he saw a "model" sign on & went in to buy an Avanti West Coast Pendolino for the train set he doesn't have. As soon as he entered the door Charlie the chimpanzee mauled his trousers off & in came a 200KG weighlifting prostitute, 5x as strong as Iiona Maher, who spun him round on her little finger & flung him on the bed. Suddendly, a tornado came into the brothel & just so happened to form on his penis. The vibrations gave him a boner, it totally wasn't sexual & nothing to do with the bare breasted woman rubbing herself. So you can understand why, she mistakely thought he wanted to have sex. She lassoed the condom like a slingshot right onto his penis & took her thong off. She was about to doubly make sure of enthusiastic consent, as is the norm in brothels, which is why she was on her phone throughout the entire encounter & dissociating into December 1926, she tripped on Henry the hedgehog & just so happened to fall right onto his penis. He fought for 30 long hard seconds to get her off him, but accidentally got himself off instead & she jumped off him immediately & disappeared into the other room. He might be a premature ejaculator but he totally would have left anyway, if he didn't cum.
He tried to find her afterwards, being the gentleman he is & offered her a hug & to go for breakfast, but she wanted £200 quid for that, so he came back home to you, who made him the breakfast in bed anyway!

If he can shag a woman who has no sexual interest in him, he can rape you. RUN. Men who use prostituted women are 18x more likely to murder women. RUN. He paid to rape a prostitute, money is not consent

Well, if you believe that, you will believe anything. Stop trying to clutch at straws and be done with this useless individual. You are worth more and worth the fidelity of a good man. Are there children involved? If not, you are free to escape post haste and leave Fiance to the rear view mirror of history. Please don't waste any more precious seconds on even thinking about this. It will bring you nothing but misery. Live your best life!

This is also true. Infact there was a thread from a married woman recently who’d shagged a much younger man whilst shitfaced and lots of people said she couldn’t have consented. Appreciate the mechanics can be different for a man, but still….
And I get what you are saying op but in terms of him finding someone else? If he turns out to be a vile dickhead who chooses to shag sex workers, who has only told you because he thinks he’s about to get busted? Let her have him. Because why would YOU want him?

So who paid? She would have had to be paid BEFORE anything started, was it a generous gift from this friend who is seemingly completely obsessed with your partner having sex with a prostitute?

I suspect you'll stay with him because you're a little bit trapped, but you cannot continue to be a SAHM if you're in a relationship with a prick like this. You need to get yourself in a position where you can walk away should you ever need to.

His story is such a blatant lie though, I almost find it more repulsive than what he did. Claiming he was so drunk he didn't know where he was, was coerced, and ran off crying? He still managed to get an erection though. It's so obvious someone else knows and has threatened to tell you. Check his timeline history on Google. Open Maps, tap the red initial on the top right, then you can change the date and see where he went on that night and other nights. Try to think who may be threatening him and wants you to know.

What made him tell you about it?

Of course there wasn't 🙄

Leave him with the kids as a stay at home dad😘
& move to Spain with your half of the money

I just want to say, in case nobody else has, that in order for a man to have a condom put on his penis, it needs to be… erect. So he must have been aroused. Which makes me question how much of the truth he’s actually telling you.

you have to follow your gut and I suppose know that you won’t ever really know the full truth. From experience, my advice would be to ask yourself how much you think this is going to affect you in the future. Can you forgive him. Because if you can’t, it will eat you , and the marriage up. It will take a long time to forgive him but time will heal, if you decide to stay with him.

best of luck xx