Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

I'm so sorry for your situation. It seems from this update you're not going to leave and you never had any intention of leaving. Fair enough. Your life, your choices. I hope you find some peace in this whole fucked up situation that your beloved prince has bestowed upon your family.

Sorry, is there a polite way of describing the act of fucking women who are likely to be working in a brothel because they are trafficked or otherwise powerless? What steps do you think the DH took to ensure the genuine consent of the woman he stuck his dick into?

I know it's hard but try not to catastrophise. You have no idea what the future will bring for either of you so take one day at a time for now.

Are you married to him? Do you own property? If you’re not married and if you can’t afford to leave, get married to him so that you are entitled to your fair share of assets when you divorce him. Marriage protects you financially in divorce. Not being married doesn’t. And you’re not with a good’un. You have little choice but to play the long game and play it smart. Be pragmatic, sensible, savvy. And take the smart and scenic route to divorce. Depending on the age of the kids, consider a return to work (so that you safeguard your ability to earn longterm). And who knows… you both might heal and grow from this and have a stronger relationship. My cynical self doubts it but life has proven me wrong many times.
Marry anyway, if only to financially safeguard your children. Family law still says it’s a man’s world (if you’ve been through family court, you will know this. If you haven’t, you will learn this). Protect yourself. He’s proven to you that you’re not part of a stable, healthy family. Nor are your children. He’s shown you that he is careless and reckless and that he can take you and the children down with his utter stupidity without a second thought.
Never underestimate the destruction a man’s dick can create. All this ruin… for a drunken, half assed, sloppy orgasm with a sex worker. Wow.
You deserve so much better. Your kids deserve so much better.

All men have the capacity to let down their families. Many do. Protect yourself from this (in most cases) inevitability.

I don’t believe that story. The disrespect to you is awful. He’ll have to pay for his kids to be housed and to have what they need. Get legal advice.

And there's a counter view that some use prostitution as a way to willingly make money because men will pay for it

He's telling you now because he's worried about STD s

I am sorry OP but better you found out now.
I don’t believe his version for a minute but even if true…what kind of friend does he have, and what does it say that his friend thinks he’d go for this? Why didnt he leave immediately.

I couldn’t. So sorry.

Get rid!

And then he will give the same story to his next wife ….how he was forced 🙄

He went, he was aroused, he allowed her to put a condom in (I’m sure she didn’t do this with a litter picker!) got close enough to do this and have sex with him.

he cheated
he cheated by paying for sex
he then disclosed this and under the guise of his wholesome self being truthful told you a story where everyone else but him is at fault

do you really care who he ends up with after you …..surely that’s not your priority!

come on give your children and you a better life ……don’t regret this years down the line when you find out he’s still paying for sex!

Your update OP means he is even worse. Disrespectful not only to you, but complete disregard for his kids. I feel for you but if you stay it will be worse than leaving. He can't just walk away from your children, and unless he is a total scumbag he won't want to. He will have to pay towards them and you may have to get a job but surely that is preferable to staying home all day and knowing your husband (to be) is potentially out paying for sex with someone else. Tell him to pack his things and get your life in order so that you won't have to rely on a man again. Yes he will maybe find someone else, but he'll do the same to her in all probablity and even if he doesn't he has done it to you and there's no going back now.

And does leaving him really depend on not having any one to look after your kids when you want to go out???

Do you really want this man in your bed, in your life and in your children's lives? You deserve better, so do they.

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.

I happen to have gone to school with someone who's a spokesperson for a sex workers advocacy group, so I'll take their word for it

You’re going to stay with a man who cheats on you with prostitutes because you’d need to get a babysitter?

OP, it’s tough and horrible. But come on. You deserve so much more than this. It’s scary but you aren’t trapped, you just feel it right now. Being married to him would be being trapped.

Yep, you can’t move for the threads on MN from posters wanting advice on universities, apprenticeships, holiday jobs and brothels for their DDs.

Not sure what to say here. For me, a partner sleeping with a prostitute is a line that if crossed I can’t come back from for many reasons. Don’t stay because you don’t think you’ll manage without him because you absolutely can.

I’m so sorry.

Do you own your house at the moment? How old are you? What are your pensions like?

Is he self employed or does are his wages processed through HMRC?

You will still be entitled to child maintenance, whether married or not. Wages processed through HMRC are easier as you can get direct earnings attachments. Get on the CM calculator and see what you would be entitled to, and see if that makes a difference to how you feel.

Although maybe there is a quiet part of you that is saying you should try and forgive him so you can still marry him and divorce him later if you realise you can't forgive him and give yourself that extra financial protection. I would have that little voice too, I think.

After your update I wonder if he wants an out? As telling you this before the wedding, as afterwards you wouldn’t necessarily be treated as a short marriage having lived together so long.
But you need to start building your self esteem, which includes getting a job and your own independence.

Of course he willingly had sex with her. Full sex for more than 30 seconds. Don't marry this fool. It will be a total disaster.
He only told you because he was worried someone would tell you.
I could never respect a man like this nor would I want him as father of my children.

How lucky that despite being horrified about the situation he managed to maintain enough of an erection for the nasty lady to force the condom on him (of course she did!)

This won’t have been the first time - just testing the water to see what you’ll put up with once you’re married and saddled with him.

I would stay. Marry him.
He will just marry someone else, she will slot into your place, house, children etc.

His not told you the truth at all. His told you a tiny version.

You are in a vulnerable position however unmarried sahm. So depending on how you can deal mentally. Marry him for a few years then divorce him. Make sure you always use condoms and go for regular testing knowing he is a sleaze. Use the time to ducks in row, high qualifications and such so be able to leave strongly in the work game.