Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

He stood no chance against the 200KG powerlifting lass, 5x as strong as IIona Maher. She lassoed a condom onto his peen as she flung him around. He was only erect because of the freak hurricane & then she fell on him. He thought the "model" sign on the door was for toy trains, he wanted to buy an Avanti West Coast Pendolino, but when he entered a chimpanzee named Charlie mauled off his trousers off. He only went to Soho to go to a gay bar, but ended up in the wrong door. He wanted a curry & misread "masala" for "massage". He is going to sue Specsavers because his eyesight is dodgy. He thought she was you aswell.

If he can shag a woman who has no sexual interest in him, he can rape you. RUN. Men who use prostituted women are 18x more likely to murder women. RUN. He paid to rape a prostitute, money is not consent.

Nobody has ever been so drunk they managed to get naked and erect for 30 seconds AND not know what they were doing. He tries to pass this off as ‘they convinced him to do it’ but I truly think that the morals and courage of a man are in the gutter if a prostitute and work colleague can convince him to cheat on his fiancée in a matter of minutes.

I know. That actually made me laugh out loud! 😅

I know two men whose wives believed someone was out to steal their man and pretend and make up lies, yet they are both well known to use prostittes regularly (I saw one picking one up when living abroad too) one of these men is now a qualified evangelical priest and he did the marriage ceremony for the other one- yuk yuk yuk

Both of their wives were naive and hopeful and forgiving Christians. One is now single with three kids the other is still turning a blind eye a couple kids later

This ⬆️

This is the answer op is looking for

First response nails it once again!

We do have kids, I’m a SAHM. I wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in our house on my own and wouldn’t be able to afford anything even remotely close to the area I’m in.

So annoyed at him for ruining our family. Our kids are so happy and settled where we are. I don’t have any family help so I will be on my own with nothing and no one.

And he will probably get married and have more kids in the future as he’s successful and attractive and still young and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life as I’ll have 2 kids to support and no one to look after them if I ever wanted to go out.

What does this even mean? You've gone from prostitution to a rape?

Yes I feel very sorry for you too op.

Sometimes these threads become so much about people giving their fifty pence about how bad he is/how they would react etc that it gets forgotten how hurtful the underlying situation is, and how much we sometimes all just need plain sympathy.

It's very hurtful and a horrible situation to be in.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

RUN OP do not marry this man.

‘close to cheating’ - how is it he doesn’t see this as cheating?
Also kindly please don’t be so naive as to believe this story. 🤨
He probably told a half truth.

This makes it worse, OP. I imagined a young, naive idiot from your original post. But a father? What an absolute moron.

The equivalent for a woman would be if OP got drunk with her mates, headed to a dodgy place with them, got turned on and then anally fisted a rent boy before running out crying in a fit of remorse.

Possibly some coercion, definitely hangs out with the wrong friends but not rape.

He’s a disgusting disgrace of a man and a liar. Nobody accidentally puts their penis inside another person. If you stay, you are setting the bar extremely low and he will do this kind of thing again. And again. It will destroy you and ruin your life. This is not your fault. He has ended your family. Take care of yourself and DC and find someone better. Pity whoever he ends up with.

Sure it’s only sex and all prostituted women are Julia Robert’s in Pretty Woman! Most women selling sex have been trafficked and/or are drug addicted. The ‘happy hooker’ myth is just that, a myth. Don’t believe the lies sold to you by men who want it all to be ok and to be women’s choice and sex work is work… Consent cannot be bought. If the OP is ok with all of this then sure, it’s just sex 🙄

Is he offering to sack of these mates who put him in this situation when he was too vulnerable to consent OP?

Is he offering to quit drinking because it impairs him so much?

Is he looking for a new job away from these predators that mislead him and got him to a brothel and got him undressed and abused?

Is he reporting the actions of his companions and the women in the establishment to the police?

Because if his version of events is a fair reflection of what happened hes a potentially a SA victim?

Or is this a story because he feels guilty and tried to tell an almost palettable story so he can recieve forgiveness?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

This is a big shock, and I think it would be wise to cancel the wedding. You need time to process this before you make any final decisions about the relationship.

If he’s saying they convinced him to do it, that sounds like he’s taking some responsibility. Is “close to cheating” his language or yours? He did cheat on you. As much as you don’t want to hear the answer, I’d ask him what exactly he means when he says they convinced him. Does he say he just went along with it, or does he say he specifically consented? I think you need to ask him about more specifics - again, I know you won’t want to, but I think you need to - and see if his answers to those questions ring true to you or not.

Something nobody has brought up - does your fiancé have a history of having been sexually abused or assaulted? If, in the past, he was in a situation or situations where his consent didn’t matter and other people made the decision about what sexual activity he would engage in, I think it’s a possibility that that history played a role in his response here. I’m not saying that I think a man telling the story he’s telling is likely to have been sexually abused or assaulted in the past. His story doesn’t hint that he was. But, if, for example, you knew prior to this situation that he was sexually abused as a child, that’s something I think you should take into account.

Did you two have sex after this encounter with the prostitute? That wouldn’t reflect well on him and his regard for your safety.

You know him better than anyone on this board, and you’re the one who’s going to have to be the final judge of his character. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Its not the fact he slept with a sex worker, its his disgusting, skin crawling gross story that would make hate him.

However it could be argued that it would be better to be spending your money on a babysitter than on future sex workers for your husband.

I would marry him purely to ensure you can divorce him and take every penny you are entitled too

There is a view, with which I agree, that bought consent isn't consent.

Do you believe his account? Start there.

Good thinking

Consent cannot be bought. The vast majority of prostituted women are trafficked into prostitution or engaging in prostitution to fund drug habits created by pimps therefore every interaction with a punter is rape.