Fiance slept with a prostitute

[Adviceneededrewedding]

Don’t know what to do or think.

Last night my fiance told me slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago after a work night out.

Basically, went out for work drinks and ended up getting paralytic, a work friend said to him I’ve got someone I want you to meet it’s a good business lead etc. They turn up at the house and partner is confused because there’s only girls there and there is a bed in the room. Work friend starts negotiating prices and partner then realises it’s a brothel. Said he started freaking out saying wtf are you doing this isn’t right etc. Work friend/ prostitues say to him this is normal everyone does it and he says they convince him to do it. He said the girl took his trousers down put on condom and they had sex for 30 seconds then he said no I can’t do this and ran out of the house and made his way home.

Broke down crying to me about this last night saying he’s so sorry and he can’t believe he’s done this and he’s never once been in a situation where he’s been close to cheating so can’t believe he was stupid enough to let himself get into this mess.

I’m in shock tbh I would never have expected this from him he is usually a really genuine moral person with really strong family/ relationship values. He said he will never do anything like this again and will not ever get himself in a state like that again.

Dont know what to do, we’re supposed to be getting married in 6 months. Other than this he has never done anything cheating wise etc he absolutely hates cheating. Am I being really naive to forgive him? I love him and I don’t want to throw away our relationship over a stupid drunken mistake if he will genuinely never do it again. I also can’t look at him and can’t imagine ever having sex with him again.

need some other opinions don’t want to tell anyone in my personal life.

At least he was honest with you and he seems deeply regretful.
Lots to consider

Oh come off it. He wasn’t black out drunk. He was sober enough to realise where they were and converse with his mates that it is all “normal”. He let her put a condom on him and have sex with him (for 30 seconds apparently). He was aware what was happening the whole time.

Sadly I think what's likely happened is that he slept with a prostitute, felt guilty and ashamed about it, then created a story that allowed him to confess, but make it sound like it was a 30-second mistake that he put a stop to.

The story is designed to make you feel as you do, to reason that it's not worth throwing away a long-term relationship for a 30-second mistake. But it wasn't just a 30 minute mistake was it? Even if it’s true that he was taken to a place he didn't know was a brothel (which you'd have to wonder why, guys who obviously think nothing of sleeping with prostitutes would be so shy about telling him where they were going beforehand?), there would have been plenty of time and opportunity to walk out as soon as he realised where he was. But for his story to be true, he'd have had to find out he was in a brothel, stick around long enough to be allocated a girl, been excited enough at the prospect of sleeping with them for them to then have pulled down his trousers, put on a condom and start having sex. That wasn't a 30-second mistake. That was a sequence of events that he allowed to unfold.

Don't marry him. Don't look at it as throwing away a good relationship, think of it as a painful event that allows you to be free to meet a man who truly deserves you. One that would never do something like this to you.

Most men go through their entire lives without sleeping with a prostitute.

He didn't just sleep with a prostitute; he cheated on you.

He may regret it, or he may just feel guilty. I am sure some part of him does love you but...love is not always enough.

You know what will happen if you marry this man. Be happy it happened before the wedding so you don't have to go through the legal hell of a divorce.

This @Adviceneededrewedding

Don’t marry him… no one accidentally uses a prostitute 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think the main question is how do you feel? Did he volunteer this information freely? If so, that is honourable to do so before you are married, in case it is insurmountable. I fear that once trust is broken, it’s next to impossible to repair fully. However, if you still love him, take the time you need to feel strong in whatever decision you make. It’s very difficult to extract poison totally. It always seems to linger and work its way back into the fray. I’m very sorry. The story does sound quite fantastical, but the fact that he volunteered the incriminating information is not something to overlook. Best of luck.

None of this story makes sense at all - he is so drunk that he didn’t realise where he was but was able to get en erection quickly and manage to have sec whilst paralytic what a lot of total bollocks - vomit inducing. You would be insane to marry him

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You say you don’t want to tell anyone in your personal life. If it were me, I would tell people the wedding is off and I would be telling them the reasons why. Marry him and you will regret it! Get some self respect and walk away. You deserve better.

The story will definitely have been massaged with a kernel of truth and loads of padding to make it more palatable. Do you really think prostitutes in a brothel are so desperate for trade that they spend time coercing unwilling men to pay for sex with them? That does not sound plausible to me, for the obvious reason it is quite a dangerous thing to do, in an already risky job. Also not believable that he he gets erect enough for someone to put a condom on him and then goes for 30 seconds before running away? I believe his mate set this up but honestly, I doubt he would have done that if your fiance did not already have a hooker habit. Too risky otherwise. However drunk he was this is the tip of the iceberg and if you stick around there will be a lot more to this that unravels over the months and years ahead.

Agreed. I'd be telling everyone the reason.
Come on @Adviceneededrewedding, this the correct advice and you know it.

Bullshit.

He did it, willingly, he now has the raging guilt.

You believe him and let this go, he will do it again because you've shown him you'll tolerate and accept it.

Get rid - and remember, you're not ending this. He's already done that when he trotted along to a prostitutes and got his cock out.

When he's sobbing and talking shit to try to soften you up, remember that - he valued getting his dick wet over you and your entire relationship.

Yeah he is worried that would will find out so is planting a narrative now to start the cover up. My ex-DH did this same thing, he was so against cheating, when I found evidence he was he said it was a lapse of judgement. He bought condoms, went to the hotel room with the woman then was just about to have sex but realised what he was doing wrong so threw them away and came home to me. Cried about how awful it was for him and this woman had pursued him and confused him so much.
I laughed in his face. Like you should do now!!! Do not marry this man. He is a cheater and a liar will not change. Especially if you forgive him for this it will just make him think he can get away with it again!

The story is absolute bullshit from start to finish. Drunk or not of course he knew what he was doing. In his head the important thing is that he’s told you he had sex, even though he’s minimised it. If he tells you the truth he knows it’ll be the end of the relationship. Because the truth is that he paid for sex, felt guilty and concocted this shite as a cover story to make himself feel better. Don’t fall for it because when you’re married there will be many more similar ones to explain his infidelities.

Rare is the man who refuses anonymous sex on a plate while impaired.

Naive the guy who tells fiancé & expects a hug.

@Adviceneededrewedding

re your posting name: there won’t be a wedding. Cancel it and get back what you can. Do this today.

next. Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was you with a mate, being taken somewhere for a ‘business lead’

Let’s humour him and accept his pack of lies as the truth for a second. So this is you, in a committed relationship about to be married and some bloke is there with a hard on and he’s there for your entertainment

how many thought processes would your brain go through to get to this mythical 30 second fuck?

at the point where you went through the door and saw the bed? Surely that is the time you realise this is a bad idea.

not to the point where the bloke has approached you, removed clothes, and inserted his condommed dick?

on that point, this prince of a man you’re intending to spend the rest of your life with managed to get hard enough for a condom AND to fuck a woman he knew to be a prostitute.

many men wouldn’t be able to do that.

now do you see? He’s lying to you.

even if he weren’t, he had more than enough opportunities to remove himself from the situation but chose to go ahead anyway.

if you marry him, you’ll ruin your life

I can remember my friends convincing me to do stuff, like take my first sip of beer or smoke a cigarette or skip school…. but I was a teenager and these things aren’t the same as what he did. Fully grown adults have their own minds. He sounds pathetic, trying to blame it on his friends. Jesus. Do not marry this man, you’ll be in line for a lifetime of misery.

Also if he was that drunk, he did well to get and maintain an erection. Sounds like absolute bullshit to me.

Not commenting on OP’s situation specifically, but “you were aroused, so you wanted it” is why a lot of sexually abused men and boys never come forward. An erection is an involuntary physical response, not an indicator of consent.

You know what to do. Do not marry this man.

and if the bit about his mates is true, then they are trying to split you guys up... so there's that.

Honest? His story makes zero sense! So in my world he’s still not properly come clean. Probably worried that at the wedding night party or some such a friend/colleague will get tipsy and let his secret slip so he’s now ‘confessing’ under the guise of guilt.

Feel v sorry for OP. What a situation to be put into 😑.

First and foremost get a check up at an STD clinic, even if you have no symptoms. This is crucial, if you want a family.
Secondly..& I know this will be far from everyones take..it's only sex..it's not romance or affection..just sex.
If you can't cope with it..walk away. If you can, don't.

Lots of minimising going on there.

It was friends fault, womans fault, drinks fault, only 30 seconds when actually it was his fault and his alone, his choice to throw a bomb into the life of someone he supposedly loves for a quick thrill. He actively choose not looking silly/boring/not up for it over breaking your heart. He choose to have sex with a woman who was paid for it. He choose to put your sexual health at risk (you need to get yourself checked out, regardless of what he says about condoms).

What he has told you is unlikely to be the full truth, as you can already see he is minimising it and you cannot prove otherwise.

What ever happens now the trust is gone. You cannot go ahead with the wedding, even if you do manage to work through this that kind of healing and rebuilding of trust does not take place in 6 months and it does not take place with the distraction of an upcoming wedding. You are in shock, you need to time to reassess this man who is capable of doing this to you, and 6 months is not enough time.

So sorry he (not his friend, not the woman, not the drink) has done this to you.