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Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 20/07/2025 12:22

I don't think your son should see his daughter less, one night a week is barely enough. But it doesn't have to be at his mother's expense. Tell him it's having too much impact on your life and peace and enjoyment of your home. Either he needs to move out or spend more time with his DD out of your house. Talk to him.

MoveOverToTheSea · 20/07/2025 12:24

Ddakji · 20/07/2025 12:12

Who says she is? But she offered her home as a home to her son and her son comes with his daughter.

That responsibility is on her - or are we now saying that as in older woman she has no agency and bears no responsibility for her own decisions?

If it’s no longer working out the solution is very clear - she speaks to her son about it.

Show quote history

Actually this is wrong.
She offered her house with the agreement that the dd would be there EOW.
HER SON changed the rules and it became every weekend.

Thats on him.

Thats not her responsibility. Whether the ex is working weekends, he is seeing his dd more or less. None if it on the OP’s shoulders.

But she does need to be assertive and speak with him te taking further granted she’d agree to the new arrangements in the first place.

MrsSunshine2b · 20/07/2025 12:24

Morgenrot25 · 20/07/2025 11:55

It's not his home. He's lodging in his mother's home. Lodgers don't get priority.

Show quote history

He lives there, therefore it is his home. If she doesn't want it to be his home, she needs to tell him to leave. It wouldn't be a very nice thing to do considering she describes it as a temporary measure to get him back on his feet after a break-up, but it is her right if she chooses.

Pizzagirly · 20/07/2025 12:25

Men are notorious for only thinking about what suits them, particularly when it comes to childcare.

Sons thinking they will dump their children on granny when they have them after splitting up, brothers thinking the same about suddenly visiting their sisters with their children every weekend to avoid the feeding and general care.
They need putting in their place.

OP needs to lay down the law firmly and tell her son if he doesn't agree she will understand he needs to move out.

Absolutely no way would I tolerate this.

So easy for those not in the situation to judge.

OP, put yourself first, your son certainly won't.

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 12:25

Shes 9 years old, what sort of going out on a Saturday night do you envisage?
Cinema
Bowling
Ice skating
Arcade centre
Late tea out.
Ice cream parlour
Ice skating if rink is open to general public, ours is on Saturday nights.

It's light night at the moment so day trips until late evening.

Pumpkinforever · 20/07/2025 12:25

Given he is an adult and a parent himself he should be on the hunt for his own accommodation and not relying upon his mummy to help. I bet the Op is sorting out shopping and other errands as well.

What is happening in the school holidays? @ThePerkyBiscuit

MrsSunshine2b · 20/07/2025 12:25

MoveOverToTheSea · 20/07/2025 12:24

Actually this is wrong.
She offered her house with the agreement that the dd would be there EOW.
HER SON changed the rules and it became every weekend.

Thats on him.

Thats not her responsibility. Whether the ex is working weekends, he is seeing his dd more or less. None if it on the OP’s shoulders.

But she does need to be assertive and speak with him te taking further granted she’d agree to the new arrangements in the first place.

Show quote history

She is his child. His home is always her home and anyone who offers him a home should know that. What if her Mum was unwell or unable to take care of her for another reason? He would have her full time and that could happen at any moment.

MrsSunshine2b · 20/07/2025 12:27

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 12:25

Shes 9 years old, what sort of going out on a Saturday night do you envisage?
Cinema
Bowling
Ice skating
Arcade centre
Late tea out.
Ice cream parlour
Ice skating if rink is open to general public, ours is on Saturday nights.

It's light night at the moment so day trips until late evening.

Weekly trips to any of the above is a great way to ensure he never has enough money to move out.

JS25 · 20/07/2025 12:28

Ggewrd · 20/07/2025 12:14

I feel for the granddaughter. I don't understand why people choose to have kids so young, outside of marriage and then end the relationship.

Almost always better for the parents to stay together.

What a horrible comment to make. It’s up to each person when they choose to have kids. As for marriage what are we living in the 1800s ? Not everyone wants to get married.

as for staying together for the kids that’s a terrible idea, if the parents are unhappy (for whatever reason) then the best thing for the kids is for the parents to split. Surely it’s better for kids to grow up with 2 happy parents that co parent than with 2 unhappy parents that are always fighting and arguing

But you do you and live in your dream world

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2025 12:31

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:50

Thankyou for the helpful comments, Im grateful some of u understand what being older is like and I know I need to be assertive and work out a compromise that works our for everyone involved.

I am older and am slightly shocked by your attitude my adult child and even my adult grandchildren would always be welcome in my house.

You do you though.

Middlechild3 · 20/07/2025 12:32

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 20/07/2025 11:05

You're in an impossible position. He's an adult - why has he moved back in with you? He needs his own place now he is a father.

This, I never understand why the only considered option is to move back to mum. He needs to find his own place.

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 12:33

*Why? OP wants dome if her personel space and time back.
I wouldnt want other relatives, never mind one that is a child muscling in on my downtime and hobbies.

God this is sad. Some of my fondest memories were of time with my gran, cooking, gardening, drawing/ painting etc. It didn’t feel to me as though it was an imposition- hence why I loved her and spent time with her for her whole life.*

The op can still do baking, cooking, painting etc with grandchildren but she doesn't have to include a 9 year old child in her hobbies.
I would not want a child coming to do lengths at the pool, pilates, long cycle rides, mou tain biking,long distance walks, open water swimming and climbing with me. They are my hobbies with my group of friends.Also they are not child friendly activities.

No other adult brings children along. Why would op rock up to her hobby sessions with a kid.

SweetnsourNZ · 20/07/2025 12:33

Beachtastic · 20/07/2025 12:02

I get the impression some PPs on here are shitting themselves it could be their ex's mum about to kick off 😂

Since when did "parenting his child" mean plonking her in front of the telly all weekend? there are so many other things he could be doing with her, especially at that age. Parks, museums, a bus out somewhere different, the list is endless. But maybe it's easier for him to sit back and relax and leave it to a woman who has already done her fair share of parenting.

OP in your situation I can't guarantee I wouldn't turn into that crazed old ratbag in NZ who cooked the mushroom pie! I think you have to sit your DS down and explain that when you agreed on him moving in, you didn't expect your space to be so completely obliterated. Surely he can get off his arse and do something more fun with her than just teaching her to become a couch potato.

The mushroom pie killer was in Australia, not New Zealand. They are 2 different countries.

randomlemonsheep · 20/07/2025 12:33

Just tell your son you raised him better, and staying at home watching tv all Saturday is NOT parenting or being a good parent. A 9 year old should be out all weekend, between clubs, and friends parties. Not cooped up in granny's living room.

There are plenty of clubs that still run in the summer, or they can go on day trips.

It's your son, it's your house. Just tell him to step up and actual PARENT, not slob about in front of the tv all day. He's 29, not 105!

Cherrytree86 · 20/07/2025 12:34

Lollipop2025 · 20/07/2025 12:02

Well don't you sounds lovely and considerate.

You won't answer how long he is likely to there for.
You won't answer if he takes her out at all.
You are letting people see the extremes to confirm your annoyance.

I have no doubt he is trying to save as much as possible for a deposit to rent or to buy. I also imagine he does take her out. But you don't want to say that because then it makes you completely unreasonable.

It's a temporary situation which means that as a grandmother and parent you should try and do your best to support.

You don't stop being a parent when they turn 18.

@Lollipop2025

yes you’re right, Op should prioritise her offspring until the day she dies. I mean really she should give her son her house shouldn’t she? She could just live in a little tent in the park. He didn’t ask to be born afterall.

randomlemonsheep · 20/07/2025 12:34

Middlechild3 · 20/07/2025 12:32

This, I never understand why the only considered option is to move back to mum. He needs to find his own place.

Show quote history

let's hasard a guess... money possibly?

Pretty normal to help out your children when they need!

lemonraspberry · 20/07/2025 12:35

The OP has every right to enjoy her life in her home and I can understand why this is getting too much.

Her son is 29 and a father - he needs to be providing for his daughter and living like an independent adult and not running to his mother when his gf kicked him out. How long is he planning to do this? Until he finds another woman to put him up?

He really needs a reality check and told to grow up.

Alondra · 20/07/2025 12:35

You are not unreasonable OP, you raised your children and want to enjoy the peace and quiet of your home, This is an exceptional time though, your son just separated from his g/f and needs a place to call home for them both. They need your help.

Have a frank conversation with him about his future plans. He can't treat you as an unpaid cook, cleaner and child minder - he needs to take the burden of parenting and take over most household chores. He also needs to respect your right to privacy and watching the tv channels you enjoy.

Mostly, he needs to have a plan to find within reasonable time a home for them both, but give him, and specially your g/d time to settled down emotionally.

Rainbowqueeen · 20/07/2025 12:36

I would have a serious chat to my son and set out very clear expectations. He needs to parent his DD and spend quality time with her on the weekend.

And he needs to take into account your needs. It is your home and he needs to respect that.

Beachtastic · 20/07/2025 12:36

SweetnsourNZ · 20/07/2025 12:33

The mushroom pie killer was in Australia, not New Zealand. They are 2 different countries.

Show quote history

You're quite right! I should bloody know, I lived in Australia for 12 years!!!

commonsense61 · 20/07/2025 12:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LoveSandbanks · 20/07/2025 12:40

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 12:19

In what way does having a 20 year old currently stop you being rested, having hobbies or travelling?

Show quote history

Well this particular one has send. I also have a 17 year old so any “travelling” would have had to have waited until around now. This would then potentially have to stop if I became a grandparent.

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 12:40

Shes 9 years old, what sort of going out on a Saturday night do you envisage?
Cinema
Bowling
Ice skating
Arcade centre
Late tea out.
Ice cream parlour
Ice skating if rink is open to general public, ours is on Saturday nights.
It's light night at the moment so day trips until late evening

Weekly trips to any of the above is a great way to ensure he never has enough money to move out.
He might not be in a rush to go by the sounds of it.

Those activities don't have to be done every week.
Some can be done cheaply.
Days out to the next town on bus or train if no car and explore new parks, beaches if nearby, countryside. These are the things my parents did with us when we didn't have much money and I did the same with mine.

Cinemas often have deals or cinemas like Reel are very cheap, just don't buy popcorn and drink.

Ice skating can be expensive but it can be used as a treat every couple of months.
There will possibly other stuff going on in their area fir them to tap into.

Bananalanacake · 20/07/2025 12:40

Hopefully he's working and is saving as he's not paying mortgage or rent every month, so he'll be able to save for his own place.

usedtobeaylis · 20/07/2025 12:43

I think you need to find out first and foremost how long he's planning to stay for. I don't take my daughter out every weekend and in fact some weekends I take her to her her granny's, so I don't think it's reasonable either to tell him not have her or to tell him to always take her out. The only reasonable solution is to tell him to change his living situation.