Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Rubbish. Literally no one is expecting you or the OP to give up hobbies and travelling because you’re a grandparent.

Me me me me me me 😴 it’s one bloody day week. Get a grip.

The op is specifically saying that the accommodations expected of her are interfering with her hobbies.

how does a grandparent travel if regular childcare is expected of them?

@MumWifeOther

Why do you begrudge OP taking herself into consideration as well as her son and grandchild? Do you think she’s worthy of being of consideration?

Poor kid. Her life has been turned upside down and now Grandma doesn't want her there because of her hobbies. It won't be forever just now at a difficult uncertain time.

Instead of moaning about your granddaughter on mumsnet have a discussion with your son regarding what he plans to do and when.

And yet she can’t really provide any details on how her hobbies are impacted by a 9 year old sleeping over once a week. There’s also no suggestion that she provides any childcare whatsoever so it’s totally irrelevant that other grandparents may do that.

Is this a temporary or permanent arrangement? Will your son be looking to getting his own place?
Do you work full time so that Saturday evening is your only time to relax?
Does your son take his daughter out during the day and does she go to bed at a reasonable time?
I think a lot depends on the answers to those questions.
If your son cares for his daughter himself and you have time to yourself during the week I think you are being unreasonable to resent a bit of disruption on a Saturday.
I'm a Gran to 6 and if one of them had recently gone through the separation of their parents I would want to be giving them a nice time and somewhere to relax.
Do you enjoy the grandchild's company?
If you are very busy working all week, which gets tiring as you get older, and your son is taking the piss by expecting you to do all the work, then that's different.
I think your son needs to be looking for his own accommodation but I think it's sad that you don't enjoy your grandchild more.

Curious as to why people are still asking OP questions, when she has clearly said goodbye and left the thread.

I don't know what I would have done without my parents after I left my first husband in my early 20s due to abuse. I left with my 1 y.o son and would have been lost without their help.

They didn't ask for money but wanted to know my plans for the future. Both of them were working, which meant leaving my son in childcare. I changed my work shifts to be with him on weekends, I paid for most groceries....I tried as much as possible not to be a burden to my parents. Not that I ever felt like a burden. They were wonderful, and will forever remember their help when I needed them most.

Her son can look after his child, I agree take her out now it’s summer, she can still do her hobbies. But for gods sake if once a week she loses her sitting room so her granddaughter gets to have time with her dad, suck it up and go to bed! Maybe an early night would help! Hope I never get this miserable.

You don’t just stop being a parent because your kids have grown up. Yes he’s an adult and should be responsible for his own life but everyone can fall on hard times and I know I would be there to help my dc in any way I could no matter how old they are.

It’s. One. Day. A. Week.

You can and should sacrifice ONE DAY a week to help your children / grandchildren temporarily.

Ultimately your son should be caring for his daughter, as regularly as he does but as it's your home, you need to ask your son to move out, if his childcare arrangements don't suit you. Your granddaughter and her mum are in no way to blame for this situation.

The fact that you want her to provide so much justification speaks volumes. Why does she have to give such specifics, why is “impacting my hobbies” not enough?

it could be as simple as “what are you doing granny? Can I join in?” Which, is probably lovely when she’s just there for a couple of hours. It’s great to include grandchildren in your hobbies sometime, but when it’s all weekend, every weekend it gives you no down time. Hobbies are there to relax us, to give us a mental health break.

if you are ok for your son to live with you but want weekends free then sit him down and say on a weekend when he has granddaughter he needs to make the effort to make the house free for you. take her out, weekends away, days out etc

Boo hoo.

shows how open-minded and welcoming the OP is.

Poor kid, I do feel sorry for the grand-daughter stuck in the middle, when she should be living her best life, she's 9, it should be fun, not surrounded by adults who resent her living.

What are you blathering on about, you have absolutely no idea of OPs financial situation and even if she did buy property ages ago, her SON is responsible for making his own way in his life.

Jesus

Being a parent doesn't stop when your child becomes an adult.

You sound cold. I had one set of grandparents like you, didn’t like children around. Thankfully, I had another set who wanted to see me all the time.

It's all weekend.

Assuming she works in the week, it's all of her downtime.

Everyone needs and is allowed downtime.

There is no moral victory in martyrdom.

So he had her when he was 20?

When will ds be able to move out?
Suggest ds does an activity with dgc on a Saturday.
Set a tv up in ds room so they can have father daughter tv time on an evening

Organisation solves this. Where do you normally do your hobbies? What are they? Can you re-locate them elsewhere? Do they take up lots of space? Is there room in the house to separate for some of the day?
And also what things do you enjoy doing with your GD? You could spend some time doing those. Take her shopping on Saturday morning i.e. go to the library and borrow books/local market etc - not supermarket shopping - and then go for tea and a cake/soft drink and a cake together. Get to know your GD.
Find other things to do with GD - painting, reading, watching films together?
You can also suggest days out both with DS and GD and that they go on their own leaving the house to you occasionally. Not every week-end (because you are going into town with GD and having fun together) but occasionally on a random basis.
It's really difficult to have the house invaded by your family all the time. When my DS came to live with us and brought DGC every other week-end it drove both late DH and me mad! We tended to retreat to the front room and leave the back sitting room and kitchen area to DS and DGC. Can you do this?

I also used to take DGC to the cinema etc on my own - to films they'd enjoy and I wouldn't be driven mad by!
I don't have hobbies but I do write and paint (and read a fair amount) so there wasn't a space problem, which you may have. But these things are solvable and you can build a relationship with DGD that will repay your efforts tenfold in the future.

@Gagamama2 personally I think at one night a week the OP should take it as a positive time for a relationship with her grand daughter - I feel sorry for the young girl if she’s seen as a nuisance. - and I’m not a mega family/child minded person either - but this seems exceptionally mean spirited .