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AIBU?

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Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 20/07/2025 12:09

Poopeepoopee · 20/07/2025 12:08

Since when is the OP’s responsibility to ensure her son is a decent enough parent ?

Are you serious? Thats exactly the job of a parent - to ensure their own kids become decent human beings.

He’s an adult !

she’s done her job, what’s done is done!

CanOfMangoTango · 20/07/2025 12:09

Are you happy to have your DS living with you? Is he paying his way, doing his bit round the house?

If he is then the solution is for him to find some activities to do with your DGD at weekends.

Swimming, dance, karate, football. There must be some local clubs for kids on Saturday mornings she would be interested in. A trip out in the afternoon - the park, the zoo, the museum, whatever there is locally. Then dinner and bed.

It's bad parenting just to have her hanging round the house bored and watching tv. He needs to spend quality time with her.

Morgenrot25 · 20/07/2025 12:10

Poopeepoopee · 20/07/2025 12:08

Since when is the OP’s responsibility to ensure her son is a decent enough parent ?

Are you serious? Thats exactly the job of a parent - to ensure their own kids become decent human beings.

It's not an ongoing job though. 🫣

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 12:10

Beachtastic · 20/07/2025 12:02

I get the impression some PPs on here are shitting themselves it could be their ex's mum about to kick off 😂

Since when did "parenting his child" mean plonking her in front of the telly all weekend? there are so many other things he could be doing with her, especially at that age. Parks, museums, a bus out somewhere different, the list is endless. But maybe it's easier for him to sit back and relax and leave it to a woman who has already done her fair share of parenting.

OP in your situation I can't guarantee I wouldn't turn into that crazed old ratbag in NZ who cooked the mushroom pie! I think you have to sit your DS down and explain that when you agreed on him moving in, you didn't expect your space to be so completely obliterated. Surely he can get off his arse and do something more fun with her than just teaching her to become a couch potato.

Your grandchild staying with you one day a week because your son also lives with you would make you poison and kill your entire family?

This response is so far off what is normal.

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 12:11

istheresomethingishouldsay · 20/07/2025 12:08

I'm there: still working, 2 teenagers and a 20 year old at home and you just have to get on with it as they live here.

OP allowed her son to move in knowing he has parental responsibility for a child. Obviously, the child will be spending time at her father's home. Yes, of course he should be setting up a sensible space for his daughter somewhere else in the house if OP doesn't want her constantly in the room she's unwinding in. And she needs to say this to him.

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A 20-year- old is different from a 29 year old with a child. I have a 20-year-old. Would go nuclear if he got anyone pregnant when he can't afford a house of his own.

PinkCandles · 20/07/2025 12:11

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 12:06

I don’t think anyone is really expecting this huge awful self sacrifice from OP.
Frankly if she was only happy with a child spending on night every two weeks in her house she shouldn’t have agreed to a parent living with her.
The only answer is for him to move out, no grandmother should think it’s remotely reasonable to expect a father to parent his child less as a first solution.

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I agree. Trying to get the mum to have the child even more and her son to parent even less isn't the answer.

Madformaltesers · 20/07/2025 12:12

Blimey some nastiness towards you on this post, likely from those that insist on grand parents doing their childcare.
Been there done it, its hard work as I ended up entertaining grandchildren whilst my sons (all moved back at some point over the years) sat on their phones/ watching tv etc. plus I was working full time, dog was tormented as was used to a quiet home and mess I was constantly cleaning.
i insisted they moved out in end, personally all of mine have now been told if your relationships fail there is no moving back home as I have now downsized. They are adults, they can figure it out. If that makes me a shit grand parent, so be it.

nomas · 20/07/2025 12:12

Helianthusinbloom · 20/07/2025 11:08

Well let’s hope that he gets his own place quickly so you don’t have the chore of seeing your own granddaughter overnight once a week. You can then go back to your hobby which seems to be your priority over your family.

She's raised her children, why does she need to be responsible for a grandchild when the child has two parents?

He needs to move out.

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 12:12

I have no doubt he is trying to save as much as possible for a deposit to rent or to buy. I also imagine he does take her out. But you don't want to say that because then it makes you completely unreasonable.
It's a temporary situation which means that as a grandmother and parent you should try and do your best to support.

A couple of assumptions here!

Why do you have no doubt he is trying to save as much as possible?
I work in family support and there are some many adult sons that move back to their mums and expect mum to pick up the expense and ' help' look after the child while money ( and time)gets spent in the pub, bookies and on weed when they areon their time with their child.

The number of timesI've done a home visit and dad is crashed on the settee in the middle of Saturday afternoon when it's their contact time is unreal.

I'm not saying that's happening here but not every dad who goes back to their mum's place is dad of the year.

How do you know its temporary?
Even if it is for 18 months, doesn't mean it's not going to be wearing for op.

I struggled with ds moving back when he was 21 and to be fair he struggled moving back. This was without a child in the picture.

Ddakji · 20/07/2025 12:12

Dontcallmescarface · 20/07/2025 12:06

It's also the OP's home, that she is paying for so why should she come last in it?

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Who says she is? But she offered her home as a home to her son and her son comes with his daughter.

That responsibility is on her - or are we now saying that as in older woman she has no agency and bears no responsibility for her own decisions?

If it’s no longer working out the solution is very clear - she speaks to her son about it.

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 12:12

Morgenrot25 · 20/07/2025 12:09

She's fed up.
She's allowed to be fed up.
Her son needs to parent.

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I mean the son needing to parent is literally what most posters are saying in the first place.

Continuing to be a man child in his mummy’s house and cutting down on contact time with his own child because said mummy doesn’t like it is the opposite of parenting his own child.

Beachtastic · 20/07/2025 12:13

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 12:10

Your grandchild staying with you one day a week because your son also lives with you would make you poison and kill your entire family?

This response is so far off what is normal.

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This response is so far off normal

So is your sense of humour 😂

Ggewrd · 20/07/2025 12:14

I feel for the granddaughter. I don't understand why people choose to have kids so young, outside of marriage and then end the relationship.

Almost always better for the parents to stay together.

Namechangerage · 20/07/2025 12:15

I think you need to give your son notice to leave. It’s clearly not working. He can’t not have his child. He needs his own home to do it in.

Also they should be out doing fun things not just sat in front of the TV all weekend…

Morgenrot25 · 20/07/2025 12:15

Ggewrd · 20/07/2025 12:14

I feel for the granddaughter. I don't understand why people choose to have kids so young, outside of marriage and then end the relationship.

Almost always better for the parents to stay together.

What a sweeping, and wrong, final statement. 🤢🤢🤢🤢

NotMyDayJob · 20/07/2025 12:16

I actually do have sympathy with your situation but the way you have phrased it sounds really unpleasant.

just ask your son what his plans are for moving out, and if he doesn’t have any that’s a chat about how this isn’t very sustainable and they do need to go out on their time together. But suggesting he does every other weekend because it doesn’t suit your hobbies sounds really mean

LoveSandbanks · 20/07/2025 12:16

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 12:11

A 20-year- old is different from a 29 year old with a child. I have a 20-year-old. Would go nuclear if he got anyone pregnant when he can't afford a house of his own.

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I have a 20 year old. I still work full time and am terrified of the expectations that may be made of me if I became a grandparent. I’m physically and mentally exhausted already.

when do I get to do what I want to do, to travel a bit, to have hobbies, to feel even a bit rested? Was it really just those few years between becoming an adult and becoming a parent that were for me?

EllasNonny · 20/07/2025 12:17

Your DS needs to up his game and consider you far more. I wouldn't want to work all week then go back to a bored child every weekend. No one would after years of peace after raising their own DC.
Is there any timeframe for him moving out? If not he needs take DC out far more. He could also book cheap weekends away.After all, he must be saving a fortune with you housing him.
I don't think people are being fair in some of their comments to you. In your position, I'd feel aggrieved and I say that as an adoring GM.

PollyCherry · 20/07/2025 12:18

I think my judgment and actions on this would depend on the circumstances of the split. If he’s the jilted party he might feel so low and sad that he welcomes the opportunity to be with you and heal. Or he could be seeing free rent and built in babysitter. Either way you either need to tell him you don’t want him and your poor grand daughter there every week and suggest he moves out or try to find some sympathy for the child caught in the middle of this.

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 12:19

LoveSandbanks · 20/07/2025 12:16

I have a 20 year old. I still work full time and am terrified of the expectations that may be made of me if I became a grandparent. I’m physically and mentally exhausted already.

when do I get to do what I want to do, to travel a bit, to have hobbies, to feel even a bit rested? Was it really just those few years between becoming an adult and becoming a parent that were for me?

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In what way does having a 20 year old currently stop you being rested, having hobbies or travelling?

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 12:19

LoveSandbanks · 20/07/2025 12:16

I have a 20 year old. I still work full time and am terrified of the expectations that may be made of me if I became a grandparent. I’m physically and mentally exhausted already.

when do I get to do what I want to do, to travel a bit, to have hobbies, to feel even a bit rested? Was it really just those few years between becoming an adult and becoming a parent that were for me?

Show quote history

I am doing all those things now: travelling, hobbies, some time for myself. I work full time. Seize the day!

No medals for martyrdom.
I have already made it clear to my DC that this is my time and they better keep their pants zipped.

soupyspoon · 20/07/2025 12:20

Crinkle77 · 20/07/2025 11:42

He should be taking his daughter out to give you some space. Do you have back room, conservatory or spare bedroom they could use as a tv room?

Shes 9 years old, what sort of going out on a Saturday night do you envisage?

She wont have a mega late bedtime but neither will she be going to bed early like a toddler, so OPs relaxing saturday night is changed.

bumblecoach · 20/07/2025 12:20

When the world fell apart for me, I had no grandparent home or parent home to return to.
I had to get a job from scratch and we had to stay in a hotel for eight weeks during which time I saved enough money to pay a deposit on a house and the first month rent in advance.
And we moved there with mattresses on the floor.
Your son needs to move out and then provide a home for his daughter.

Luckyingame · 20/07/2025 12:21

OP, you had them back....

JS25 · 20/07/2025 12:21

Lollipop2025 · 20/07/2025 12:02

Well don't you sounds lovely and considerate.

You won't answer how long he is likely to there for.
You won't answer if he takes her out at all.
You are letting people see the extremes to confirm your annoyance.

I have no doubt he is trying to save as much as possible for a deposit to rent or to buy. I also imagine he does take her out. But you don't want to say that because then it makes you completely unreasonable.

It's a temporary situation which means that as a grandmother and parent you should try and do your best to support.

You don't stop being a parent when they turn 18.

I think this is the issue OP isn’t staying if there was an agreement in place for how long DS would be moving in for.

OP is being particularly quiet about everything really. All I can see is how it is affecting her. Which I totally understand BTW but nothing about what was agreed when DS moved in. I’m also wondering if OP didn’t really think things through when she agreed he could move back home, losing her space, have GD in the house etc

she also hasn’t said whether she has spoken to DS about how she is feeling, if he helps around the house, contributes financially etc if he takes DD out (but let’s be honest it’s expensive and if he’s trying to save he will struggle to this too often)

as much as I totally get her points she also agreed to let him move in and she should have expected he would be bringing DD to the house