Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

You’ve done your time as a parent. You are used to a peaceful house where you can relax and that’s how it should be at our age. We don’t have the energy or capacity we did when we were younger.
I’m sure you love your GD but all weekend, every weekend would be too much for me too, when you can’t do your hobbies or even choose what to watch on tv. Better see her less often and enjoy quality time rather than the whole weekend being spoiled by resentment at the lack of privacy and relaxation.

Your ds does need to move out and regain his independence.

At the very least you need to put a TV in your room and create a place of peace for yourself.

That is your reading on it, though.

So, it would be acceptable to you if a woman couches her frustrations in "I love her, but..." and only then is it acceptable for a woman to voice her frustrations at her space being taken over?

The man child will probably find another partner to move in with and take over parenting soon enough OP.

It’s both Saturday and Sunday every week. Not just one day.

Are you falling into the trap of "hosting". You can still do your own thing and let him take responsibility for his DD.
Therefore he shops, cooks and feeds her. Most importantly he is responsible for entertaining her.
You crack on and do your things.

Honestly, I get it, OP.

I don't have kids nor do I want them, but I live alone and I like and enjoy my own space, and if my brother had to move in here and my nephew (who I love) had to visit every weekend, I'd feel like pulling my hair out.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy your space and peace at the weekends. I have real difficulty with people who don't understand this and seem to equate a desire for space with a lack of love or care for your family. That is not the case.

You've already done the job of raising your children. Now, every weekend, your days are dominated by your GD. Not remotely her fault-but does your DS do anything with her? Or is it a case of she gets dropped off/picked up and dumped in front of the TV all weekend? And you're expected to mind her whilst he does his own thing?

I don't think you can make a suggestion for him to see her less, but you can definitely place some boundaries in regarding your space. Like request when she is there that he does things with her-takes her to the park, goes to the cinema or wherever she would like to go to-spends some time with her outside of the home and gives you time to yourself.

What's his room situation like? Where does she sleep when she stays over? At nine, is she allowed her own room/space where she could have a little TV set up and a bit of privacy for herself? I know at nine I really enjoyed my own time and space in my own room. I know that's a lot and it may not be possible/feasible, but if it is, it may help ease the transition whilst he is there.

Oh, look, the holier than thou fools have rocked up to the thread, ready to impart their "wisdom."

Sure, that's reasonable for the children part.

Why is a grandchild the responsibility or burden of the grandparent who didn't choose or ask for them to be born?

disagree

As much as I disagree about being a martyr with younger children, and refusing to have a life, to take 2 or 3 evenings off a week, to go on holiday alone, to put all your need behind....as much as I disagree with that nonsense, kids are and always will the PRIORITY.

whatever their age.

They come first, which doesn't mean you raise entitled brats either. (which is why I personally think having kids too young and losing your actual freedom for ever is stupid, but that's another issue 😂)

Having a child doing nothing but slobbing on the sofa all weekend, while you run around bringing them food and doing their laundry, at any age? 100% no

He should be a decent parent and take his kid out anyway.

Refusing to host your own child to give them a chance to save to go back on their feet, and resenting your 9 yo grand-child for existing? That's awful.

because you accept that when you have children, you will have grand-children. You might not, but in the absolutely worst case scenario , you are also the one in charge if your own kids can't be. There are enough sad stories of parents having illness and accidents, and grand-parents having to take over. That's what you do.

If you don't want the responsibility, don't have kids.
Don't accept to be a god-parent either

You are free to make any decision you like, but they have consequences. and your grand-children paying the price because you can no longer be bothered is not fair.

I was being sarcastic!

My advice upthread was for the OP to ask her son to take his DD out.

OP isn't refusing to host her own child, though, is she?

She's allowed her DS to move back in with her. She has prioritised her son, and allowed her GD over every weekend which was more than was agreed/expected and the impact on the OP's life is detrimental to her.

YMMV on that, but you can't tell OP how she ought to feel about her space and time being occupied in a way that does not feel suitable to her.

Her DS needs to step up to mitigate the impact of his current situation on his DM. By taking his DD out at the weekend, spending alone time with her and giving his DM the space that she needs to live her life and get her own downtime.

It is her home, and swear to god, some people on here act so sanctimonious and like martyrs at the mere thought of a woman putting herself first for a change. Heaven forbid a woman want to kick her feet up and spend some time doing what she wants in a space that is hers and not have her life ran by the choices of others. @randomlemonsheep

God parent is unrelated

only in US you take over if something happens to parents , in other countries you don’t

I did wonder if you were and happy for the confirmation!

"No longer be bothered..."

What if you're at an age where you no longer have the capacity to look after small children?

Many people are having children later in life and thus, the grandparents are also older, so it isn't always feasible for grandparents to take the children on.

You talk as if there's only two options. "Bothered" and "not bothered" when there's a world of space between that.

And I don't and won't ever have kids-because no fucking way am I raising my kids only to be lumped with theirs once I'm done!

Oops. Sorry. Forgot

'Granddaughter taking over weekends' - this title is a bit unfair because this is absolutely no fault of hers. You have a son problem, not a granddaughter problem.
You are quite within your rights to want your home to yourself. Perhaps tell your son to step up and actually parent his child for 1/7 of a week and take her out and do things with her.

I think by the time you're a grandmother (and a working one at that!) you're entitled to your own space!

Not if she's at work...

The average working day is 7 hours. There are hours upon hours of free time outside of that. This is substantially more noticeable when you aren’t caring for young children.

In the US, godparents have no legal rights or standing. It's a religious thing, not civil.

The average working day is 7 hours. There are hours upon hours of free time outside of that.
@Hodgemollar
Of course there's loads of time after you have commuted to work and back, decompressed if needed, sorted meals out, done the shopping and packed it away, done the housework, (the toilet and bathroom isnt going to clean itself! )done any home admin that needs sorting, done any self care ie bath shower etc, oh and use some of those spare hours to settle down and go to sleep.
Remember to include getting up, getting ready and having breakfast as part of all those free time!

I hear where you are coming from OP but I think that you need to think of this as a temporary measure. Don't beat yourself up for feeling resentful; more about reframing your mindset to accommodate this for all concerned. Life was never fair or easy

Isn’t it nice to have the company of your son and granddaughter though rather than being alone? How sad that you would rather they weren’t around.😐

It's so obvious that the posters berating the OP are very clearly parents who have no problem offloading their kids onto grandparents all the time. It's outrageous the expectations put on grandparents these days.