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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:
MumWifeOther · 20/07/2025 14:08

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 13:19

I hope very much that if any of my kids experienced a relationship breakdown and needed to come and stay with me while they got themselves on their feet, I would have it in me to enjoy their company and having my grandchildren come to stay for the weekend.
I would hope I had the patience and grace to empathise with the children who are going through a difficult phase and offer a safe space where they felt wanted and love. I would hope my children also felt supported.
I sincerely hope I’m not a miserable old cow who values hobbies and my tv over my family

Lots of hoping going on there @MumWifeOther!

Let's 'hope' if you are ever in that position, your health is good, your mental health is strong, your house is big enough to accommodate two other people you dont have a lay about adult child ( not saying ops is but I've had to deal with loads of families like this in my job)

In other words you can’t assume how you will be until you are actually in that position.

Edited

I would never turn my back on my kids, I just said hope for the sake of it.

Family first, always.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/07/2025 14:08

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:31

Yes thank you, a voice of reason among all the judgments!

Show quote history

I think this poster is basically saying the same as the others though - that it’s down to your son to put effort into parenting his daughter on the weekends - just perhaps phrasing it differently?

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/07/2025 14:10

I swear to the gods that some people will be arseholes on here just for the sake of being contrary!

AIBU because my DD wont bring the grandchildren round every weekend? YABU because they have their own life and want family time!

Or

AIBU because my Mother/MIL wont help with childcare?
YABU they dont owe you childcare!

But then the OP posts about wanting some time to herself and gets roasted as a heartless unfeeling uncaring bitch who hates her own grandaughter!

randomlemonsheep · 20/07/2025 14:11

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/07/2025 14:10

I swear to the gods that some people will be arseholes on here just for the sake of being contrary!

AIBU because my DD wont bring the grandchildren round every weekend? YABU because they have their own life and want family time!

Or

AIBU because my Mother/MIL wont help with childcare?
YABU they dont owe you childcare!

But then the OP posts about wanting some time to herself and gets roasted as a heartless unfeeling uncaring bitch who hates her own grandaughter!

does it help your argument in anyway to go into such hyperbole?

It's funny how posters disagreeing with the OP bring such drama and exaggeration from some. Why is that?

MumWifeOther · 20/07/2025 14:12

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2025 13:44

So?

Some people like their own space and peace

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Yeah, selfish ones.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/07/2025 14:12

queenMab99 · 20/07/2025 13:51

I asked my son to live with me when he and his partner split up, because I wanted him to have somewhere pleasant to bring his children. He doesn't earn a lot and also contributes to the home they live in with their mum, so providing another decent home would have been impossible. Their primary school was also at the end of my street, so they could come here after school on the days when work schedules didn't fit in with school pickups. His had his own room as a sort of bedsit, so they would often watch tv and play games upstairs. They also have use of a sitting room as I rarely use it, preferring the back room with access and outlook to the garden. It seemed silly to me, for him to pay more, for them to be crammed into a flat, while I rattled around as a single person in a 3 bedroomed semi. The children are older teenagers now and I dont see them as often, but they are always welcome. I enjoy my own company, but cannot imagine being irritated by a weekly sleepover from a grandchild.
I hardly dare confess, that I let him keep his bikes in my front sitting room, it just seems to me that we should use our spaces as we need, not confine ourselves to traditional boxes.

Edited

This sounds lovely, and you’re clearly a very lovely Mum to your adult child, but not everyone has the amount of space you’re talking about here.

Pizzagirly · 20/07/2025 14:16

Literacy and comprehension a difficulty on this thread too.

Its all day Saturday and sunday of every weekend which was not agreed.

What has a grandfather to do with this or the girlfriends choice to keep a baby?🙄

The thread is about a grandmother in HER home, and her SON who took contraceptive risks at 20.

The OP is very kind to offer her son a home but that does not mean that every weekend HER home should be taken over.

You can love your grandchildren and not want to spend every weekend with them, much less have your hobbies impacted after a week at work.

Astounding that some find that so difficult to comprehend.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 20/07/2025 14:19

I can’t imagine a GP speaking like this about their GC. A child of 9yo is different from a noisy, messy toddler. Does she not read, play outdoors, play independently? Do some baking / cooking with her.

MummyJ36 · 20/07/2025 14:21

Do you still work OP? Are your weekends your only down time?

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 14:22

@MumWifeOther
I would never turn my back on my kids, I just said hope for the sake of it
Family first, always.

I don't think many people would turn their backs.
But I would hope that most adults returning home would respect and understand the needs of the parent they've moved back to. This doesn't appear to be happening here.

randomlemonsheep · 20/07/2025 14:24

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2025 13:44

So?

Some people like their own space and peace

Show quote history

absolutely fine.

Don't have kids then!

Alondra · 20/07/2025 14:27

I'm 64 y.o. and been on both sides of the coin. As an older woman, I enjoy the freedom of having with DH, the house to ourselves doing what we want to do. We live in a large house and do what we want without fighting for a TV remote or being unable to enjoy quiet time in our space.

But I was also a young mom once, in her early 20's, leaving her abusive husband with a 1 y.o. needing desperately her parents support. And they were there for us. My parents expected me to parent my child, they expected me to contribute and not be a burden. We had long talks how would I move to my own place again with the income I had then. Without their support, I don't know what would have happened to us.

The OP has the right to enjoy living alone in peace and quiet. But she also has a son just separated from his g/f and a granddaughter in need of a home and needing support RIGHT NOW. It doesn't mean she has to let her son take over her living room and tv - she needs to talk frankly with her son as adults.

It's not about sitting on one or the other camp. We are parents for life and as much as we've earned living in peace in our senior years, we can't refuse helping our children when they truly need us.

Pizzagirly · 20/07/2025 14:35

notacooldad · 20/07/2025 14:22

@MumWifeOther
I would never turn my back on my kids, I just said hope for the sake of it
Family first, always.

I don't think many people would turn their backs.
But I would hope that most adults returning home would respect and understand the needs of the parent they've moved back to. This doesn't appear to be happening here.

Edited

Agree.
This wouldn't have arisen if he was even a small bit considerate of his mother.

Such extremes to suggest it is turning your back on your children to ask for consideration.

I have children living at home and I ask for and receive consideration because I will accept no less.

Cherrytree86 · 20/07/2025 14:46

randomlemonsheep · 20/07/2025 14:24

absolutely fine.

Don't have kids then!

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@randomlemonsheep

nah there has to be a point after having kids that’s the mothers needs, wants and preferences can become her priority again in the same way - or very similar way- to before she had children. This bloke is 29 and people are expecting her to centre him and subjugate herself just cos she birthed him nearly three decades ago! Nah!

JS25 · 20/07/2025 14:55

Yelloello · 20/07/2025 14:05

This is lovely. I hope all your loved ones are also there in your time of need.

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The people that mattered to me were there for me when my life fell apart and the ones that weren’t well they have been cut from life. If they can’t be there when I’m at my worst then they don’t deserve me at my best. I don’t care if it’s friends or family.

this is why I said OP needs to be careful and not make the son feel pushed out and the GD feel not wanted. Be reasonable with her requests and have open and honest discussions about everything. So that she isn’t left as a lonely old woman. I certainly wouldn’t be wanting to visit someone that made me feel unwanted or unwelcome.

StripyHorse · 20/07/2025 14:56

It is not unreasonable for your DS to have GD 2 days per week.

It is not unreasonable to miss having your own space.

You WNBU to suggest your DS finds an alternative - whether that is his own accommodation or taking GD out for large chunks of the day.

Y WBU to suggest DS only has GD EOW, this is leaving her DM in the lurch when she is already doing the lion's share of parenting.

Mercurysinretrograde · 20/07/2025 15:01

Some ideas…give DS a deadline (like 6 months or a year) to find his own place, get a membership for your favourite gallery / museum / health club / Spa for regular escapes, buy a tv for your bedroom and escape to it at 7:30 every Saturday night with a glass of wine and a plate of snacks. You have some peace, DS and daughter get some time together. Everyone is happy.

Rosscameasdoody · 20/07/2025 15:01

hmmimnotsurewhy · 20/07/2025 14:19

I can’t imagine a GP speaking like this about their GC. A child of 9yo is different from a noisy, messy toddler. Does she not read, play outdoors, play independently? Do some baking / cooking with her.

I can. Because OP’s son is taking her for granted. He moved back in out of necessity but he needs to take responsibility for providing a proper home for his child, not palming off the responsibility onto his mother. As much as l love my GC, I too value my peace and quiet and I would resent the hell out of this every weekend.

MyLittleNest · 20/07/2025 15:07

You can't expect your son to see his daughter less just because you don't want her around. If you have a problem with your granddaughter being there every weekend, then your son needs to find a new place to live.

As others have said, the issue is with your son, not his daughter. I don't think he is using you by seeing his child every weekend. He may be using you by living with you at the moment.

It's sad that you feel this way about a 9yo little girl who is your granddaughter, right down to the title of your post. She won't be young forever.

Maddy70 · 20/07/2025 15:39

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:18

All day Saturday and Sunday. Thank you. Every week.

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So tell him to take her out fir the day on the Saturday or Sunday so you have one day to yourself honestly he needs your support now just as much as you need your quiet time can't you sit in the garden with a book

Travelfairy · 20/07/2025 15:42

Are you not delighted to see your grandaughter once a week?? Gosh there's so many grandparents who dont get to see grandchildren when couples split. You have the other 6 days to do your hobby, embrace the chaos!

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2025 15:45

MumWifeOther · 20/07/2025 14:12

Yeah, selfish ones.

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I have done lots for my children and grandchildren. I help often and I have had various combinations of them live with me. So I'm hardly selfish

But I've done my bit and I want my own space

Good job I didn't need help when I was their age as I had no parents to pick up the pieces

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2025 15:47

Poopeepoopee · 20/07/2025 12:08

Since when is the OP’s responsibility to ensure her son is a decent enough parent ?

Are you serious? Thats exactly the job of a parent - to ensure their own kids become decent human beings.

At what age is their job done?

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 15:53

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2025 15:47

At what age is their job done?

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Don't you know a mother's job is never done? Because children and grandchildren didnt ask to be born.

Kiwirose · 20/07/2025 15:53

I admit to not having read the entire thread.

But just wondering why he can't do childcare at the child's house every other weekend? I appreciate it may not be what the mum wants but it is probably good for the child and enables the mm to work and the grandparent to have space.

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