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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:
ColourThief · 20/07/2025 13:50

I remember when grandparents wanted to see their grandkids.

I don’t know what’s happened to this generation of grandparents, my kids grandparents are exactly the same, but I remember my own mother being grateful every time my grandparents wanted to see us or help.

Shame.

SatsumaDog · 20/07/2025 13:51

I totally get where you’re coming from op. However, your son seeing his child less isn’t an option. I would suggest he schedule activities that take them out of the house for periods over the 2 days. Regular activities that happen every week, so you know there will be certain times you have the house to yourself. Then when they are there, you won’t feel as overwhelmed because you will have had some peace.

queenMab99 · 20/07/2025 13:51

I asked my son to live with me when he and his partner split up, because I wanted him to have somewhere pleasant to bring his children. He doesn't earn a lot and also contributes to the home they live in with their mum, so providing another decent home would have been impossible. Their primary school was also at the end of my street, so they could come here after school on the days when work schedules didn't fit in with school pickups. His had his own room as a sort of bedsit, so they would often watch tv and play games upstairs. They also have use of a sitting room as I rarely use it, preferring the back room with access and outlook to the garden. It seemed silly to me, for him to pay more, for them to be crammed into a flat, while I rattled around as a single person in a 3 bedroomed semi. The children are older teenagers now and I dont see them as often, but they are always welcome. I enjoy my own company, but cannot imagine being irritated by a weekly sleepover from a grandchild.
I hardly dare confess, that I let him keep his bikes in my front sitting room, it just seems to me that we should use our spaces as we need, not confine ourselves to traditional boxes.

saraclara · 20/07/2025 13:52

soupyspoon · 20/07/2025 12:20

Shes 9 years old, what sort of going out on a Saturday night do you envisage?

She wont have a mega late bedtime but neither will she be going to bed early like a toddler, so OPs relaxing saturday night is changed.

Show quote history

OP has clarified that granddaughter is there all day Saturday and Sunday. So it's the daytime of one of those days that people are suggesting that the dad should take her out.

SatsumaDog · 20/07/2025 13:52

ColourThief · 20/07/2025 13:50

I remember when grandparents wanted to see their grandkids.

I don’t know what’s happened to this generation of grandparents, my kids grandparents are exactly the same, but I remember my own mother being grateful every time my grandparents wanted to see us or help.

Shame.

Full time work well into their later years I suspect. People are forced to retire much later and they are tired and ready to finally have some time to themselves.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2025 13:53

queenMab99 · 20/07/2025 13:51

I asked my son to live with me when he and his partner split up, because I wanted him to have somewhere pleasant to bring his children. He doesn't earn a lot and also contributes to the home they live in with their mum, so providing another decent home would have been impossible. Their primary school was also at the end of my street, so they could come here after school on the days when work schedules didn't fit in with school pickups. His had his own room as a sort of bedsit, so they would often watch tv and play games upstairs. They also have use of a sitting room as I rarely use it, preferring the back room with access and outlook to the garden. It seemed silly to me, for him to pay more, for them to be crammed into a flat, while I rattled around as a single person in a 3 bedroomed semi. The children are older teenagers now and I dont see them as often, but they are always welcome. I enjoy my own company, but cannot imagine being irritated by a weekly sleepover from a grandchild.
I hardly dare confess, that I let him keep his bikes in my front sitting room, it just seems to me that we should use our spaces as we need, not confine ourselves to traditional boxes.

Edited

Lovely post.

Cynic17 · 20/07/2025 13:54

OP, clearly your son needs to move out. Why would a 29 year old man want to live with his mother? Give him 3 months to find a place of his own, and then pack up his stuff and change the locks! shouldn't be taking,ing advantage of you.

saraclara · 20/07/2025 13:54

ColourThief · 20/07/2025 13:50

I remember when grandparents wanted to see their grandkids.

I don’t know what’s happened to this generation of grandparents, my kids grandparents are exactly the same, but I remember my own mother being grateful every time my grandparents wanted to see us or help.

Shame.

They do want to see their grandkids. But having them take up all of their free time every week, in addition to one of their parents suddenly moving back on 24/7 is probably not what they expect.

DiggingHoles · 20/07/2025 13:54

I am sorry you are getting such a hard time here, OP.

Your son can stay with you and your daughter can visit, but there is no need for them to take over the living room. They can be respectful. They don't need to watch TV for hours each day. He can take his child out somewhere or you can all go somewhere together.

Your son is disrupting your life(style) when he is at best a lodger. It's not his house and he needs to remember that.

In your situation I would put your foot down. I would make rules, such as no more TV or screens during the day. You get time and space for your hobbies and they don't get to disturb that. Your son can make sure that he actually interacts with his daughter or at least allow her to play outside or quietly with her toys when indoors. It would be better for her development too.

If he doesn't like it he can move out.

kiwiane · 20/07/2025 13:55

It would be better if it wasn’t every weekend and if you had a date for your son moving out. Make sure he knows this can’t be a permanent solution and ask him to take his daughter out some days.

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 13:56

ColourThief · 20/07/2025 13:50

I remember when grandparents wanted to see their grandkids.

I don’t know what’s happened to this generation of grandparents, my kids grandparents are exactly the same, but I remember my own mother being grateful every time my grandparents wanted to see us or help.

Shame.

Embarrassed Shame GIF

Martyr yourself women, or else be shamed by the Scepta!

MyWarmOchreHare · 20/07/2025 13:57

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:28

Yes. Every other weekend and holidays.....but it's a lot more than I expected.

Show quote history

But where did you think your son and his child would sleep on the weekend in between?

I would put your foot down about the sitting room though. Surely he can take his child out and about on the day time?

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/07/2025 13:57

Cynic17 · 20/07/2025 13:54

OP, clearly your son needs to move out. Why would a 29 year old man want to live with his mother? Give him 3 months to find a place of his own, and then pack up his stuff and change the locks! shouldn't be taking,ing advantage of you.

That's an awful thing to do to one of your own family unless they're taking drugs or stealing from you.

saraclara · 20/07/2025 13:58

I have to say I’m somehow amazed at how much women have been brainwashed into seeing other women only as carers and facilitators.
So here is a man that has separated and has a child.
And the grandmother is been berated because she isn’t automatically delighted to

  • have her own grown up son living with her
  • have her grand daughter every weekend
  • facilitate her son to do the bare minimum parenting wise.

All of that.
Also it's pretty clear that the OP has a small home, with one living room, which may well also be small. And yet people are saying that she should just retreat to her bedroom and buy a new TV for it.

FFS

Dontcallmescarface · 20/07/2025 13:58

ColourThief · 20/07/2025 13:50

I remember when grandparents wanted to see their grandkids.

I don’t know what’s happened to this generation of grandparents, my kids grandparents are exactly the same, but I remember my own mother being grateful every time my grandparents wanted to see us or help.

Shame.

There's a big difference in "wanting to see GC" and being forced into it. The OP has no choice in whether she wants her GC around every weekend whilst her son is living there. Most parents/GP's would arrange a day/time to get together and do all those lovely things that GP's do with their GC, but the OP doesn't have that. I'm sure if her son and his DD weren't living there then the OP wouldn't mind them coming over to visit for a view hours with maybe the occasional sleepover, but that's not what is happening here. It's every weekend, whether the OP likes it or not.

CoffeeLatte25 · 20/07/2025 13:59

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:17

Being so judgmental never helps us learn or understand anyone but ourselves

Show quote history

I don't think you are in any position to be lecturing others.

saraclara · 20/07/2025 14:00

CoffeeLatte25 · 20/07/2025 13:59

I don't think you are in any position to be lecturing others.

Show quote history

OP hasn't judged anyone, to be fair. She just wants a bit of peace now and again.

JS25 · 20/07/2025 14:01

I do see all sides of this story as I have been in this situation. The difference was I was a FRIEND and not family.

I agreed to let a mate move into my spare room when his relationship broke down. I lived alone and had the space. His parents were abroad having retired there and other family and friends didn’t have the space. It was agreed that it would be for a maximum of 6 months while he got on his feet and found somewhere else to go. He left the family home despite her being the one to cheat because he cared about his kids.

I never thought about the kids when I agreed and how he would manage go parenting and spending time with them. I only envisioned having him as a roommate.

within 4 weeks I was regretting my decision not because of the kids but because I valued my own space and didn’t realise how much until it was too late.
He would have the kids stay (he did ask first) and I agreed as well he is a father and should be responsible for them and I believe fathers should be just as involved as the mothers. My house was busy, kids stuff everywhere and my peace and space was gone.

I sucked it up as I had made an agreement and knew it was only going to be for a short period of time. He would take the kids out and do things and I would make plans to be out too. Then we would have time together at home.

it wasn’t an ideal situation, he knew this, I knew this and so did the kids most likely (sleeping on camping beds) but I made it work because I cared enough about him and the kids.

when the time came for him to leave I was relieved and was looking forward to the house to myself again. Turns out I missed having the kids around and the mess that went with it.

The way I see it is if I can help then I will. I think the issue OP is you haven’t given consideration into the whole picture. Just thought you would help your son out and now the reality has set in your not liking it. speak to your son and ask about him finding a home for himself. Ask if you can help in any way with that and set a deadline for him moving out. Don’t force it and certainly don’t try to cut his time with DD (she doesn’t deserve it and quite frankly dad should be involved and 2 days one night isn’t all that much). In the meantime suck it up and learn to live with it. Otherwise if you force him to move in too short a time or push him to abandon his daughter then you risk losing him and her

would I do it again 100% yes as I feel good knowing I made a difference but I would have a long hard think and chat about what was expected from the guest (kids/pets/sleepoevrs). To me friends are family and if you can’t help out those closest to you when they are having a hard time then you will lead a sad and lonely life.

Overtheway · 20/07/2025 14:01

Why on earth did you think he'd only look after his own child every other weekend? That would be terrible parenting.

Ideally, this should have been discussed before he moved in. Now you either need to talk to him about finding somewhere else to live, or come up with a compromise that works for you, without further limiting the time a little girl spends with one of her parents.

Would you feel less overwhelmed if they went out more during the day? Could they play board games in the kitchen or dining room instead of watching TV on an evening (or even set up a second living space with a TV, if that would work better?).

CoffeeLatte25 · 20/07/2025 14:01

5foot5 · 20/07/2025 11:20

What a horrible comment.

Are you one of those people who thinks an older woman should always be expected to put herself last behind what everyone else in the family wants and her own needs and preferences don't matter?

Show quote history

It's not a horrible comment.

Francestein · 20/07/2025 14:03

Poor kid has a lot of changes happening in her life, but festering in front of the Telly with her Dad isn’t going to help with anything. He needs to start investing some time, energy and creativity into his daughter’s life, and that means doing stuff out of the house as well as being mindful of the fact that it’s YOUR home. I would talk to him about finding some healthy things to do with her like ice skating, camping, joining a park run group, going to the movies, age-appropriate things that he can be involved with that are good for both of their MH and yours by clearing out of your hair for a bit.

bumblecoach · 20/07/2025 14:03

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/07/2025 13:48

It's beyond me why you would wish that situation for anyone else if it could be avoided.

Show quote history

I haven’t wished that situation on anybody.
They are in that situation and it is not for the OP to have to deal with, Lovely that they’ve been able to offer some support.
But it’s not a long-term solution and the sooner he gets on with it the better

Yelloello · 20/07/2025 14:05

JS25 · 20/07/2025 14:01

I do see all sides of this story as I have been in this situation. The difference was I was a FRIEND and not family.

I agreed to let a mate move into my spare room when his relationship broke down. I lived alone and had the space. His parents were abroad having retired there and other family and friends didn’t have the space. It was agreed that it would be for a maximum of 6 months while he got on his feet and found somewhere else to go. He left the family home despite her being the one to cheat because he cared about his kids.

I never thought about the kids when I agreed and how he would manage go parenting and spending time with them. I only envisioned having him as a roommate.

within 4 weeks I was regretting my decision not because of the kids but because I valued my own space and didn’t realise how much until it was too late.
He would have the kids stay (he did ask first) and I agreed as well he is a father and should be responsible for them and I believe fathers should be just as involved as the mothers. My house was busy, kids stuff everywhere and my peace and space was gone.

I sucked it up as I had made an agreement and knew it was only going to be for a short period of time. He would take the kids out and do things and I would make plans to be out too. Then we would have time together at home.

it wasn’t an ideal situation, he knew this, I knew this and so did the kids most likely (sleeping on camping beds) but I made it work because I cared enough about him and the kids.

when the time came for him to leave I was relieved and was looking forward to the house to myself again. Turns out I missed having the kids around and the mess that went with it.

The way I see it is if I can help then I will. I think the issue OP is you haven’t given consideration into the whole picture. Just thought you would help your son out and now the reality has set in your not liking it. speak to your son and ask about him finding a home for himself. Ask if you can help in any way with that and set a deadline for him moving out. Don’t force it and certainly don’t try to cut his time with DD (she doesn’t deserve it and quite frankly dad should be involved and 2 days one night isn’t all that much). In the meantime suck it up and learn to live with it. Otherwise if you force him to move in too short a time or push him to abandon his daughter then you risk losing him and her

would I do it again 100% yes as I feel good knowing I made a difference but I would have a long hard think and chat about what was expected from the guest (kids/pets/sleepoevrs). To me friends are family and if you can’t help out those closest to you when they are having a hard time then you will lead a sad and lonely life.

This is lovely. I hope all your loved ones are also there in your time of need.

BonfireToffee · 20/07/2025 14:05

Not RTFT but voted YABU because you’re putting this situation on your poor granddaughter and not your son, who you’ve allowed to move back in and take over your home. You raised him — communicate with him and claim your space back.

Bababear987 · 20/07/2025 14:06

Why cant you talk to your son and tell him he needs to find his own place or at the very least make plans outside of the house with your gc.

That being said he is 50% her parent so if the mum is working then it's his responsibility to have her, weekend or not.

That being said I think you're a little harsh, yes we all love our own time and space but complaining about 1 overnighter a week is a bit ridiculous, your son is the problem, hes lazy and doing the bare minimum if parenting whilst the mother has her 6 nights a week and works at the weekends.