I am still with him now. I don’t know that I will ever forgive and I don’t give the “forgiving” any headspace. That may or it may not come in time.
He emotionally pushed me away during those 5 years and became difficult and distant.
We spent more time ignoring each other than we did communicating.
It was obvious that something was wrong but he refused to communicate with me. I put it down to his very stressful job and the effects of his blood pressure meds.
The classic cheating signs / behaviours were all very much there but I never once thought he was, it never crossed my mind. He was the last person you would ever expect to cheat (😂😥) Also he has ED which I knew he found incredibly difficult to talk about. (Or so I thought !!!!)
They were indeed very active - hotels after frequent work events. He was using Viagra.
I was traumatised when I found out.
The affair finished the night I found out.
He suddenly stopped all the regular night outs and many work social events. His choice.
He calls me from work each day.
We go on weekly date nights. We are together and engaged at home. He works from home more often. We’ve had 4 holidays in the last 7 months.
On the face of it, I could be living my best life …. at a cost of knowing and trying to deal with his deep betrayal.
He's given me passcodes to his phone - and all his accounts. On the rare occasion he goes out without me, he face times me and includes me in the fun (his choice)
I went for therapy to help me deal with the trauma. Can’t say I found it particularly helpful
We have just started couples therapy.
I was so starved of love and respect for 5 years and to have it suddenly heaped on me, is what stopped me asking him to leave when I found out. He did offer to leave and said I could keep the house. That offer is still there if I want it.
He is putting in a lot of effort however I am still very much struggling. We are having some really amazing times together and our life could not be more different to what it was for five years. I gained access to so much of their communication and it haunts me, although I can now go longer period without thinking about it.
There are times when I flip and focus on the man I now know him to be and what I know him to be capable of and it’s so very ugly and I consider ending it. But those thoughts don’t last long.
I don’t know what our future holds.
You said earlier in your post that his behaviour changed 4 years ago and he stopped helping around the house etc …
My husband’s behaviour definitely changed when he started the affair.
I wish you all the best. Cheating is the most painful thing to uncover.
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