To feel like this IS actually a decent safety net?

[Hetplane]

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

He’s a complete prick. That is
definitely not “pocket money” and if he fritters it away, he is an idiot.

99.99999% of the population would be delighted with £120k

Well I think your DB os a bit of a twat! I agree with you OP , it's a substantial amount of money and I would over the moon with it to!

He's an arrogant asshole. That is a shit load of money (to me), I'd be thrilled to have that.

It’s all relative depending on what you’re already got. Maybe it’s pocket money to him and very important to you. There isn’t a right/wrong. It’s unhelpful to compare or expect you both to be on the same page about it.

Your DB makes you feel deflated about £120k and question whether it’s a decent safety net

Goodness op, I think you need to spend some of the money on a self confidence course

Tell him to fuck off. To the vast majority of people it is a life changing amount of money. Don't discuss it any more with the ungrateful dickhead.

He's an idiot. Think about seeing an independent financial advisor for the most effective plan for the money - it's an amazing opportunity to reduce your debt & mortgage & still have some as a nest egg. Look at your current pension as well - may be worth putting a bit more into that a month now you have a safety net.

It's all relative, but that's a decent chunk of change.

Incredibly insulting to the person who has gifted you more than anyone I have ever known receive!

Sorry but your brother sounds awful. Forget what he said, try to remember how you originally reacted and think of your family member’s lovely gesture. If that same gesture makes your brother react in a spiteful and immature way, so be it. Don’t let him spoil it for you.

He's probably jealous of you OP because despite not being as rich as him, you're happier and a nicer person.

That money is going to transform your life in a way that he can't even begin to imagine.

It’s a lot of money to the majority of the population. Even if you have a very well paid job this is equivalent to a whole year’s wages At least. It takes a long time for people to save that sort of money. And it’s potentially lifechanging to receive it in your 30s I’d say. Is it enough that you can quit your job and never work again? No. But it is likely to be enough to either drop your hours slightly at work for a good few years as you were planning or pay off any debts and some more of the mortgage so you have significantly lower running costs and your income will go further. Ignore your brother, he is being an over privileged twat!

Thanks! It’s really rattled my decision to go part time. He’s v lucky as he has a wealthy wife so they’ve never had money problems. I struggled every month to make ends meet so this seemed absolutely huge to me to just have there in case

You don't have a safety net problem, you have a problem with paying too much attention to your brother. 120K is a huge amount. You'll be able to clear your debt, pay off some of your mortgage (therefore reducing your outgoings), but yourself a treat or holiday and have a safety net for future difficulties. Congratulations, what a terrific gift to receive.
Be sorry for your brother that he feels a need to be so belittling and can't appreciate a kind gift from a family member.

It's loads, leave him to be miserable and allow yourself to enjoy the feeling!

I agree about seeing a financial advisor to come up with the best plan for the money.

Imagine if someone won this on Millionaire or DOND, they'd rightfully be over the moon. Refuse to let him take the shine off, get excited!

I consider me and DP To be very comfortable, we earn well above the national average and have no debt (apart from mortgage) plus a chunk of savings which add up to not too far off your gift.

I would still consider that to be a very significant gift and be incredibly grateful for it. Your brother is rude and stupid if he can't see that it's decent amount of money for most people even if he's so fabulously wealthy that it's small change for him.

Honestly he's an arrogant idiot, and with an attitude like that I wouldn't be spending a lot of time in his company. It says a lot about his values and character.

Your initial reaction has more in common with how most people would feel. Don't let him steal your joy.

He is trying to spoil things for you, of course it’s a fantastic amount of money to have. I don’t think it’s enough to go part time though.

It’s a lot of money. However… at 37 I don’t think it’s the sort of money that then means you should start to work part time.

Your DB doesn’t sound very nice.

However, in your situation I wouldn’t go down to four days.

Thanks! It’s really rattled my decision to go part time.

Have you gone p/t because of the money?

He sounds like an ungrateful prick. £120k is a very generous amount to be gifted and would make a substantial difference to most people.
I wouldn’t drop a day of work off the back of it though.

It's 100% your decision whether to go part time. Your life, your money, your choice. There are no medals handed out to full timers. Why if you don't have to do it?