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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like this IS actually a decent safety net?

164 replies

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 12:59

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 20/07/2025 18:37

shoofly · 19/07/2025 13:09

Honestly he's an arrogant idiot, and with an attitude like that I wouldn't be spending a lot of time in his company. It says a lot about his values and character.

Your initial reaction has more in common with how most people would feel. Don't let him steal your joy.

Enjoy OP
Amazing amount of money

needtostopnamechanging · 20/07/2025 18:50

Jamesblonde2 · 20/07/2025 18:35

Hadn’t thought of kids. If you have any of those this gift will very much be eaten into. University costs, driving lessons, house deposit……

You could choose to spend on those things but many children make their own way in life without parents dishing them lots of cash

MidnightPatrol · 20/07/2025 18:52

Odd - some sort of male bravado?

I think going part time because of it is probably a bit misguided however. You could eat away at the capital very quickly just paying extra living expenses.

Invest it all for the future IMO.

Sadworld23 · 20/07/2025 19:24

Bitchesbelike · 19/07/2025 13:00

He’s a complete prick. That is
definitely not “pocket money” and if he fritters it away, he is an idiot.

99.99999% of the population would be delighted with £120k

About 6 years wages for me after wage deductions, would get me to pension age, so defo a lovely gift.

StrawberrySquash · 20/07/2025 19:30

It's a large sum to most people! Lucky him if it's not. It's not life changing in the but a Lamborghini and a yacht way, but it's definitely life improving if you target it sensibly. It is an amount that could easily be frittered away, so do think about what would add value to your life. If you go part time do the maths and work out if you are happy to fund the difference with the £120k and how long that would last. If you pay off debt, you'll have more money free each month; don't just spend that extra mindlessly - it's easy to! Alternatively if your car is a mess/kitchen crumbling then invest some of it in there if that will add value for you.

Enjoy! Whether that's less stress or a car that doesn't break down.

EmpressoftheMundane · 20/07/2025 19:33

It’s a significant amount of money. But not enough to semi-retire. You should keep working full time and saving into a pension. Pay off some debt, max out an ISA, and then decide what to do with the rest.

At first impressions, your brother sounds rude snd condescending, but thinking more carefully, and being generous with the benefit of the doubt- perhaps this was his awkward way of trying to explain that while it is a cushion, it’s not enough to make you set for life. You need to keep grinding.

user1473878824 · 20/07/2025 19:35

oudle · 19/07/2025 13:13

It's a good amount of money but at your age it wouldn't influence my working pattern. Do you have a decent pension?

Your brother’s wrong and while it’s a huge amount of money to me it certainly isn’t enough to go part time…

Pessismistic · 20/07/2025 19:42

Ignore him he’s a horrible human being why would anyone ever say this? I can imagine if it was the other way round and you were the wealthy person he’s just a prick who thinks he’s better than you but he’s not he’s just a dickhead with a wealthy wife please ignore him and do what is best for you. Like most ppl have said most of us would love that amount of money especially as a gift.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 20/07/2025 20:59

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 12:59

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

Not enough to retire on but a fabulous sum of money which for the majority of people would be life changing. I think you need to hit the mute button on DB. He sounds like a chronic balloon popper and party pooper.

You got the same amount of money and it means very little to him because of his wealth but to you it will make a significant difference in your life. This is amazing. I’d happily trade places and take your money and put ear plugs in around such a pompous ass. Enjoy your windfall.

Chinsupmeloves · 20/07/2025 21:01

Wow, that's a fortune and much more than a safety net.

Your bro sounds like an ungrateful and pompous arse!

TheLette · 20/07/2025 21:04

That's a lot of money, especially in your circumstances where it will pay off your debt and a significant chunk of your mortgage. Tbf I think it would make a big difference to most people in the country, including higher earners. If I were you, I'd give myself a small amount to enjoy (maybe £5k) (assuming that's appropriate given the wishes of whoever gave you the money), pay off all your debt, pay off a good chunk of the mortgage (if your mortgage allows this) and then consider dropping your hours. You may find it's possible with a smaller mortgage payment.

belle40 · 20/07/2025 21:08

That is an amazing gift OP. I hope it brings you good security.
I have a good job but this sum would be incredibly impactful in my life.
If your brother would like to send some of his pocket money my way ...😁

Ponderingwindow · 20/07/2025 21:13

I have much more than that in savings and I would be thrilled to add that infusion to my nest egg. your brother is an idiot.

you also need to change how you think about money. Having this does not mean you should reduce your hours or as other people have suggested go splurge on a holiday.

This is a life changing amount of money, if you treat it very carefully. Invested wisely, this could form the basis of a comfortable retirement some day. Spent now by working less, it will not go nearly as far.

HiCandles · 20/07/2025 21:24

I would consider it a huge amount of money. It would go a long long way to paying towards my mortgage, some future proofing with investments and a couple of nice holidays. However - I earn approx £100k/year. I wouldn't even consider working less that what I currently am because of this money. For that, I'd have to be given so much that I would entirely pay off mortgage and still have the missing earnings every year until retirement. So what, maybe 500k, probably more. It is possible that's what your brother is meaning? It's an extremely helpful sum, but it's not truly life changing like a ££millions lottery win or something, letting someone buy supercars and foreign property.

AutumnLeaves95 · 20/07/2025 21:27

YANBU, OP don’t worry! I’d love a savings pot of 1.2k 😂

exaltedwombat · 20/07/2025 22:06

It's a tidy windfall, if not life-changing. Look into halving your mortgage, the lower payments will put money into your pocket EVERY month! Or pay off other debts. Whichever is costing you more in repayments and interest. PLEASE don't fritter it! :-)

BountifulPantry · 20/07/2025 22:24

What a twat he sounds.

BountifulPantry · 20/07/2025 22:28

exaltedwombat · 20/07/2025 22:06

It's a tidy windfall, if not life-changing. Look into halving your mortgage, the lower payments will put money into your pocket EVERY month! Or pay off other debts. Whichever is costing you more in repayments and interest. PLEASE don't fritter it! :-)

Disagree.

That sum of money would be life changing for the vast majority of people in the UK.

Bonbon21 · 20/07/2025 22:32

You are doing this all by yourself... whilst he is living off a rich wife!!
I know who I respect more.

BooneyBeautiful · 20/07/2025 22:33

It's a good amount of money. I would pay off your £10k debt and use the rest to reduce your mortgage. That will significantly reduce your outgoings and possibly mean you can go down to working four days a week. Do anything that gives you some security and makes life less stressful!

Swonderful · 20/07/2025 22:37

I wonder if he's making a comment because of your decision to go part time. He's saying what other posters are saying here, that it won't last very long if it's replacing a salary, especially as you're still young.

However, it would make huge difference if you dripped it into a pension or reduced your mortgage.

exaltedwombat · 21/07/2025 01:42

BountifulPantry · 20/07/2025 22:28

Disagree.

That sum of money would be life changing for the vast majority of people in the UK.

Show quote history

Maybe more so for someone who HADN’T already got started on a mortgage.

Petrovaposy · 21/07/2025 02:10

It’s exactly 3 years of my net salary.
I could retire 3 years earlier thanks to that gift!
Not pocket money at all. Much more valuable than that.
Your brother sounds like a bit of a prick!

healthybychristmas · 21/07/2025 04:47

He's a completely entitled idiot who is living off his wife's money. If she had any sense she'd dump him.

Inthecafe · 21/07/2025 05:08

I wonder if he’s concerned that the OP has decided to go part time as a result of this inheritance, despite still having a mortgage and 10k debt

perhaps the op has a history of financial difficulty / recklessness, the DB has had to bail her out, and so with regard to the inheritance - he’s simply trying to convey to the op that this isn’t a life changing amount and she should temper her reaction to it. And his suggestion to pay off debt and some of mortgage seems rather sensible to me!

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