To feel like this IS actually a decent safety net?

[Hetplane]

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

@Hetplane he’s rather shown his character there hasn’t he? And it’s not pretty…

I wonder how the gift giver would feel knowing your brothers reaction. I’d regret giving such an incredible gift to someone so greedy and unthankful.
Undoubtedly he and his wife have a higher annual expenditure and therefore perhaps £120k isn’t such a big deal to them but his attitude and comments to you are beyond crass, and make him sound utterly tone deaf.
Congrats OP, enjoy your windfall and the positive changes it brings about to your life

Of course it’s a substantial sum. But not enough to work part time, for me anyway.
pay off debt, then investments/mortgage/pension. You can re think working days when mortgage is paid off?

Pay off your debt and change your mortgage to an offset. £110K offset against your mortgage interest and your mortgage will come down much quicker

I would be so happy if someone gave me £120K

Is going part time going to affect your future pension? I'm not sure why at 37 you'd want to go part time.

You really need the advice of a financial advisor

This is why brothers should have a health warning attached to them. Every single opportunity they get to put their sister down 😡….

Congratulations OP, that’s lovely for you, don’t let your twat of a brother diminish your enjoyment!

That’s a ton of money - to anyone. Your DB sounds an ungrateful git.

Pay off your debt then use the remaining money to pay off your mortgage asap, then you’ll have permanent housing security. Maybe hold back £15k as your emergency savings fund.

Agree. I wouldn't cut down on work.

Your brother is a prick. That sum would be life changing for us. It would clear our mprtgage fund all of the up coming major roof repairs we have coming up and leave enough left over for a major holiday of a lifetime.

Your brother is ungrateful and complacent. Lesson for you OP - don’t discuss money with anyone (not even family) and comparison is the thief of joy. Pay off debt, pay down the rest off the mortgage… enjoy it!

But also don’t go part time - it’ll ruin your pension and you're too young to be part time unless you’ve got health issues or kids.

What a lovely gift! My policy is to always ignore what brothers have to say - they are only useful if you want a lift anywhere. Park the money and continue to work full time for pension etc.

Invest that and get the capital to help pay down the mortgage, go 4 days a week if you can, buy yourself something nice or a holiday, pop some in a pension and delete your brothers number from your phone!!

Noted his “wife” earns lots so he’s just being a knob and flexing over you as he can’t flex over his wife. 🤣

I would pay off the loan and either go part time or overpay my mortgage with the money I spent paying the loan . An enviable position enjoy it.

Your brother's a dick and it is definitely a very significant amount of money!

£120k would be an absolutely life changing amount of money to me. I would be overjoyed to have that handed to me. Like, down on my knees, crying in gratitude happy.
And I don't imagine I'm alone.
Your Brother simply doesn't know how lucky he is, and the best you can do is think "well, good for him" and then get on with whatever it is you want to do.

Well its not enough to go part time. It is enough to pay your CC debt, pay down your mortgage, and have a substantial emergency fund but its not enough to be called “fuck you money” and enable you to walk away from work.

He sounds awful! It also sounds like he’s wealthy due to his wife’s circumstances not his hard work, it’s a decent amount of money to give you some choices. I would pay off debt, pay off some of the mortgage, have a few nice treats and put a chunk in an account where you can get 4% interest. I wouldn’t necessarily go part time at this stage, but if you continue to add to your nest egg (which you’ll be able to do with lower mortgage repayments and no debts) you could plan to do so in the future. Good luck! Enjoy it.

I was gifted 90k, it really helps and I am very grateful.
Take no notice of DB, a lot of people would be made up with 120k. It's a generous amount. Pleased for you.

You could put a deposit down on a buy to let flat with that op and clear your 10K.
Ignore your brother he sounds like an arsehole.

Side note:
Also can we go back to saying “I was given” or “someone gave me” - thanks ☺️

Of course everything is relative and is he has ££££ in the bank he may not appreciate this as much as you

HOWEVER (with that all caveated). He is being totally unreasonable, out of touch with how 99% of people live, and frankly very rude !

Christ. £120,000 is… well, depending on where in the country you live, could be half the cost of your house !! Even in more expensive areas that’s a blooming house deposit.

honestly, ignore him. And if he has form for being unhelpful and demeaning to you, ignore him more often !

enjoy your windfall and the feeling of security it brings (I would)

Your brother is a dick.

I would pay of the debt you have so that releases more income for saving or spending and put the rest in an account to think about what to do

take no notice of your brother,

£120k - I think it’s significant. I’d drop a day but I’m closer to retirement than you are, and my children are adults.

At 37, I would have invested it or paid into pension over a couple of tax years, depending on my mortgage rate.

Enjoy some of it too. Raise a glass of champagne to the kind donor - better still, take them for a drink, your treat!

That’s not the way you should look at it.
At 37 there is a long way to go to retirement age.
I wouldn’t be going part time at that age and then have to work to 70.

Congratulations OP. That's amazing. I think you knew when you posted that this isn't just pocket money and your brother is being a dick. I know very few people who wouldn't be blown away by this. If it were me I'd pay a chunk off your mortgage and save most until you need it. I think PT is a bit risky. if you own your own home on 1 salary there will be unexpected expenses some day, whether that's just a new washing machine or boiler. You could finally do something exciting you've always wanted like a new patio, or turning the box room into a walk in wardrobe. Take a nice holiday first though!