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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel like this IS actually a decent safety net?

164 replies

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 12:59

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

OP posts:
oudle · 19/07/2025 13:13

It's a good amount of money but at your age it wouldn't influence my working pattern. Do you have a decent pension?

Climbinghigher · 19/07/2025 13:13

Your db is a cock

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 19/07/2025 13:14

IsItSummerSoon · 19/07/2025 13:10

It’s a lot of money. However… at 37 I don’t think it’s the sort of money that then means you should start to work part time.

I agree. Invest the money wisely and keep on working and earning….. would be my advice.

Pay off debts, fund your pension, invest in a S&S ISA (Vanguard trackers are good).

And ignore your DB, obviously.

TwelvePercent · 19/07/2025 13:15

Your DB is wrong about the money. To the vast majority of us this is a huge sum & I can only think he's either completely out of touch with normal society or he's actively choosing to be a bit of a prick to you.

It's also interesting that his obviously stupid words have had such an effect it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances.
His haughty opinion changes nothing - while it's not life changing in that you can quit work and move to an Omaze mansion, it's still a massive wedge that, carefully managed can bring you some extra security.

It's wise to pay off the debt (unless its 0% interest, but the remaining 100k could be invested to give you a small passive income that may be enough for you to drop hours.

Does he have form for pissing on your BBQ?

JaneGrint · 19/07/2025 13:15

Most people would consider £120k to be a decent safety net! I think you’d have to be earning over £200k to earn that much after tax in a year!

Your brother must be mega wealthy if he actually regards that as “pocket money”.

Although I don’t think it’s the sort of sum that would mean dropping down a day at work.

JockTamsonsBairns · 19/07/2025 13:16

I'm really surprised that anyone would need to ask if £120,000 is a decent amount of money for a safety net.

oudle · 19/07/2025 13:19

So people are actually agreeing with the brother. Is the OP annoyed that he didn't agree with her it was reduce your hours kind of money?

Lifeofthepartay · 19/07/2025 13:25

What's lots of money for you, might not be a lot for him. However his comments sound very ungrateful. His opinion on whether this money is life changing or pocket money should have no bearing on how you deal with this unexpected gift, enjoy it!

Decorhate · 19/07/2025 13:25

One thing you could look at is putting some
or all of the lump sum against your mortgage but keep the term the same, just reduce the monthly repayments. This might allow you to reduce your working hours. We did this when we both had a decent redundancy payment around the same time. It allowed us to be able to afford for me to be a sahm for a few years.

diterictur · 19/07/2025 13:27

It is a fair amount of money for almost anyone and your brother doesn't sound very nice

But I don't think it is so much money that your first instinct should be to spend it (and effectively that's what going part time at 37 is)

I don't know how the 10k debt happened but perhaps he thinks you aren't good with money because of that - which might or might not be fair, only you know that

TheNightingalesStarling · 19/07/2025 13:29

He sounds like a spoilt brat crowing over a Christmas present.

£120k would significantly improve the lives of the majority

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 19/07/2025 13:30

How fantastic for you OP
If someone gave me a gift of £120k I'd be over the moon; it's a significant sum of money.

In your shoes I'd

  1. Pay off all debts
  2. Invest £50k - take advice pension or other investment vehicle. Think long term (10-15 years & medium risk 50k @4% =£74k in 10 years, @ 6% = £90k) women are statistically highly risk adverse, to their detriment.
  3. Pay down your mortgage by £50k
  4. Enjoy £10k

If you're happy with your mortgage at that level you could invest more and work towards an early, financially stable retirement.

Retirement is now in my sights and just really wish I'd planned better for it and put more funds towards it.

BerryTwister · 19/07/2025 13:31

Obviously it’s a huge amount of money, but I’m not sure it’s enough to make significant changes to your working hours at such a young age. Will £120k cover the loss of a fifth of your income for the next 30 years? Or would it just be a temporary reduction? You don’t say if you have young kids, or health problems etc.

Lollzi86 · 19/07/2025 13:34

It’s a big sum one that can clear up your debt, allow for a few treats and invest some. However unless it’s for health reasons I wouldn’t go down to 4 days at 37 if you have previously struggled with money, anything could happen (mortgage increase etc) so would keep the full time hours. BUT it’s your decision and your money ignore your brother he sounds vindictive x

tilypu · 19/07/2025 13:35

Honestly, that amount of money would be life-changing for me. The fact that it isn't for him just goes to show how fortunate he is - but don't let that detract from how significant it is for you. He clearly doesn't understand what real life is like for the majority.

CuddlySheepCalledBagel · 19/07/2025 13:35

I’m well off - we have a couple of properties, around £250k in savings, both work full time and both have good pensions.

Household income is in six figures.

I’m 35 with two children and would not dream of going part time.

We holiday well, the children have their clubs, we live in a five bedroom home, I’ve a white SUV 🙄 - we do not go without at all - but we still strictly budget, make slow cooker meals and hold out for the best deals in everything.

£120k is not enough to relax on. Pay off a chunk of your mortgage and set aside enough for a deposit for your child to get on the property market. Get money into your pension. Work smart with your money and make life easier when you get older.

Wayk · 19/07/2025 13:42

That is a lot of money. I myself am very comfortable but no way would I think 120k is pocket money. If he felt it was pocket money he should not have accepted the money. Talk to a financial advisor. You could cut down to 4 days a week. If you were to pay 80/90k off of your mortgage how much would it reduce the monthly payments? Or you could keep the payments the same and reduce the term of the mortgage. You have plenty of options open to you. Also use some for a holiday etc.

Blanketenvy · 19/07/2025 13:42

CuddlySheepCalledBagel · 19/07/2025 13:35

I’m well off - we have a couple of properties, around £250k in savings, both work full time and both have good pensions.

Household income is in six figures.

I’m 35 with two children and would not dream of going part time.

We holiday well, the children have their clubs, we live in a five bedroom home, I’ve a white SUV 🙄 - we do not go without at all - but we still strictly budget, make slow cooker meals and hold out for the best deals in everything.

£120k is not enough to relax on. Pay off a chunk of your mortgage and set aside enough for a deposit for your child to get on the property market. Get money into your pension. Work smart with your money and make life easier when you get older.

But surely it depends on your priorities? Time, head space, the ability to pursue hobbies and spend more time with friends and family would be much more valuable to me than a very large house and an SUV.

AgentJohnson · 19/07/2025 13:42

Meanwhile back in the real world…. Are you really asking if a gift of 120 grand is a bid deal? Seriously, 🙄. No you won’t be buying a yacht and quitting your job but it is a significant amount of money for you, so enjoy it.

godmum56 · 19/07/2025 13:46

Lollzi86 · 19/07/2025 13:34

It’s a big sum one that can clear up your debt, allow for a few treats and invest some. However unless it’s for health reasons I wouldn’t go down to 4 days at 37 if you have previously struggled with money, anything could happen (mortgage increase etc) so would keep the full time hours. BUT it’s your decision and your money ignore your brother he sounds vindictive x

this. All of this.

Fangisnotacoward · 19/07/2025 13:47

I think your DB is being being awful, not least of all ungratefulto the gifter for what is a significant amount of money. Certainly not "pocket money"

Whichroadtogodown · 19/07/2025 13:47

Since your DB doesn't seem to think it's a substantial amount of money, and you're struggling to make ends meet, why doesn't he gift it to you? Surely it won't affect him so much since its only 'pocket money'?

MiniPantherOwner · 19/07/2025 13:49

It's a fantastic safety net and most people would be thrilled. I agree with other posters that I don't think it would be sensible to reduce your hours unless you had a pressing need to if you can only save £300 a month on full time hours. Paying the £10,000 debt off would be the first thing to do, unless it's on 0% at the moment. If I were you I would keep £10 - £20,000 in savings and the rest would be some combination of investments, mortgage and pension. With the debt and some of your mortgage paid off and/or some income from investment you will be in a much more comfortable financial situation and you can continue to add to your savings. As other people have said a financial advisor might be a good idea.

Doingmybest12 · 19/07/2025 13:50

Your OP is a bit misleading ,having later said his reaction made you question plans to work part time. Its a lot of money and amazing to pay off your mortgage and debt. But maybe he was indirectly saying its easy to spend this kind of money and are you sure it is a good plan to go part time at work. I think he's been very clumsy about how he said it but sounds like he's trying to say be careful, Its not like a lottery win.

thepariscrimefiles · 19/07/2025 13:54

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 13:06

Thanks! It’s really rattled my decision to go part time. He’s v lucky as he has a wealthy wife so they’ve never had money problems. I struggled every month to make ends meet so this seemed absolutely huge to me to just have there in case

Don't compare yourself to your twatty brother who has no idea how the other half lives, cushioned by his wealthy wife's money. £120,000 would be a transformative amount of money for most people.

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