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Original poster

To feel like this IS actually a decent safety net?

164 replies

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 12:59

I am feeling a bit crushed and flat after originally being overjoyed that I had been gifted what I thought was a decent safety net. More than decent actually.

I recently was gifted 120k from a family member. I’m 37 and have 200k left on my mortgage.

This gift came out of nowhere, I wasn’t expecting it and it’s absolutely blown me away as I never ever could have imagined this sort of safety net.

DB has received the same amount and has totally downplayed it. He is significantly more wealthy than me and whilst he has been grateful he has also referred to this as ‘running costs pot’ and told me I might be able to pay off some of my debt now (I have 10k debt and still my mortgage). This was not said nicely, it’s totally demeaned the money and made me feel stressed again about finances. I always try and save 300 a month but it’s hard (I’m single). He calls the gifts pocket money.

I am not sure why I am posting really. I suppose im wondering if I’m actually a bit deluded that in 2025 this is still a lot of money? I don’t have a hope of ever saving this myself and I feel a bit flat that it seems pocket money to most people!! I wanted to go down to four days a week at work now I have this but his comments have spooked me a bit.

OP posts:
ItsNotMeEither · 21/07/2025 05:28

I haven't voted.

Your brother is definitely a twat! That seems besides the point to me.

You have been gifted a very decent sum of money, enough that really could change your life. I do think that someone with money sense would use that money to their advantage and help them to get ahead. Put the lot straight into your mortgage, it will save you thousands and thousands in interest!

Stay full time and use the giant advantage you have been gifted to become debt free. Keep saving that 300 each month, pay your other debt and work to get rid of that home loan many, many years earlier than you would have otherwise.

To use the money to go part time takes the advantage you've been gifted and squanders it. Would we all like a break and to work less? Yes! But is it smart to do this? No!

Please don't waste the advantage you've been given here, that would be unreasonable. You could eventually own your home, be debt free and eventually starting to think about retirement earlier.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 21/07/2025 06:36

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 13:06

Thanks! It’s really rattled my decision to go part time. He’s v lucky as he has a wealthy wife so they’ve never had money problems. I struggled every month to make ends meet so this seemed absolutely huge to me to just have there in case

Ah, so he has got a “safety net”.

User37482 · 21/07/2025 06:38

Did you grow up with not much? I can be weird about money because we grew up skint so I always feel skint even if I’m not. May be where his attitude has come from but yeah 120k is a pretty decent wodge imo.

User37482 · 21/07/2025 06:39

I wouldn’t go part time with 120k tbh. I’d take chunks off my mortgage, stay full time and try to invest more in a pension. It would have been different if you were mortgage free (maybe) but even full time you are only saving £300. Not sure going part time is genuinely affordable for you.

ViciousCurrentBun · 21/07/2025 07:44

Your brother is rude, ignore him it is however all relative to the individual.

When my friends retired early 2 years ago they were relocating so put their house up for sale. I assumed they would need to sell before moving. But no they bought an 850k house outright and their house sale finished around 8 weeks after they left our area.

You don’t need to see a financial advisor for that sort of amount. Look on money saving expert.

Pay off your 10k debt and chuck 20k in an S&S ISA. You are plenty young enough to ride out the ups and downs of this sort of ISA. We did much riskier stuff when younger but you have to be prepared to lose out, DH lost 25k one day, was recouped fortunately.

I wouldn’t be going PT, maybe pay off some mortgage but look to your pension.

Bryonyberries · 21/07/2025 08:05

It would be a life changing amount for me.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 21/07/2025 08:34

FloraBotticelli · 19/07/2025 13:03

It’s all relative depending on what you’re already got. Maybe it’s pocket money to him and very important to you. There isn’t a right/wrong. It’s unhelpful to compare or expect you both to be on the same page about it.

Agree, he's wealthy and has a wealthy wife, so why not take it with a pinch of salt.

You know your financial standing more than he does, trust your judgement, not his.

You received a very generous gift, you can either appreciate it or allow others to change that.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 21/07/2025 08:40

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 13:03

Your DB makes you feel deflated about £120k and question whether it’s a decent safety net

Goodness op, I think you need to spend some of the money on a self confidence course

Edited

Agree with this.

If someone says something negative when you belive in the positive, you don't need to agree with them.
It's a choice.

GAJLY · 21/07/2025 09:04

Of course that's alot of money! That's half the amount my house cost!!! Ignore your brother! Pay off your debts and put the rest down on the mortgage. The mortgage will become cheaper and you'll save more money.

noworklifebalance · 21/07/2025 09:09

Why is it relevant what your brother says about the money? Why do you let it affect your feelings about it and yourself?

noworklifebalance · 21/07/2025 09:30

In answer to your question in the title of your thread: “this is actually a decent safety net?”

-I am not sure. Yes, it’s amazing that you would have paid off the majority of your mortgage and can clear your debt. That is hugely important and something to be very happy about. If someone gave me £120k I would be delighted and would put it towards my mortgage repayments.

However, if you have £10k debt that you have not cleared quickly then it implies to me that your income and/or expenditure is such that it may not be a good idea to cut down to 4 days. Do you have a pension? Savings?

SloppyThePoodle · 21/07/2025 10:06

He clearly doesn't need it then if its that insignificant, and should hand his half over to you!!

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 10:20

FloraBotticelli · 19/07/2025 13:03

It’s all relative depending on what you’re already got. Maybe it’s pocket money to him and very important to you. There isn’t a right/wrong. It’s unhelpful to compare or expect you both to be on the same page about it.

But there's no need for him to be a complete prick about it or about her financial situation

@Hetplane try to set your mind back to how you felt before you spoke to the twat. It's a very decent amount of money in most peoples mind and yes it's a very good safety net.

I would definitely pay off the debt (not your Mortgage) and personally I wouldn't go down to 4 days unless there was a very good reason to because I think if you can keep it in savings intact it is an amazing piece of mind if you go down to 4 days it seems like you are treating it the same as what he called it. 'Running costs' or whatever

What did the person who gifted it to you hope you would do with it?

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 10:23

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 13:03

Your DB makes you feel deflated about £120k and question whether it’s a decent safety net

Goodness op, I think you need to spend some of the money on a self confidence course

Edited

🙄🙄🙄
not a very nice thing to say.

you clearly don't have a prick of a brother who acts like this.

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 10:26

PrepStarRunner · 19/07/2025 13:04

It's all relative, but that's a decent chunk of change.

It's more than a 'decent chunk of change' unless you're very well off, you sound as bad as her brother.

HappilyUrbanTrimmer · 21/07/2025 10:27

Your brother is a tosspot. Commiserations.

It's a very significant amount of money to most people. The wealthy idiots who think it's "pocket money" are utterly deluded as to how privileged they are. Lots of extremely well-off people think they are "average" because they are so thick they don't realise that being "average" within their circle of wealthy acquaintances doesn't mean they are genuinely average.

Pay off all your non-mortgage debt, then put half the remainder into your mortgage to reduce that debt wguch will make a huge difference there, use up to £10k for a one-off treat like a nice holiday or upgrading you car, and keep the rest as a safety net.

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 10:29

Hetplane · 19/07/2025 13:06

Thanks! It’s really rattled my decision to go part time. He’s v lucky as he has a wealthy wife so they’ve never had money problems. I struggled every month to make ends meet so this seemed absolutely huge to me to just have there in case

I wouldn't go part time unless you have a health issue or some other specific reason to. Keeping the safety net would be a lot more important to me if I was still able to work full time.

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 10:34

PeapodMcgee · 19/07/2025 13:13

It's 100% your decision whether to go part time. Your life, your money, your choice. There are no medals handed out to full timers. Why if you don't have to do it?

Because then she keeps a good safety net for any of life's possibilities. You don't know what's around the cirner & going part time, when you're young & healthy enough not to is a bit foolish. Maybe something you can't appreciate while you're young & healthy?!

SunnyPrague · 21/07/2025 10:47

Your brother is tactless and thoughtless. What an arse. His comments have understandably upset you. I’m sorry, OP.

Yes, £120k is a huge amount of money! Potentially life-changing!

You can and will do whatever you want with it, of course. It’s yours. You haven’t asked for financial advice but (sorry, I can’t help myself) here’s what I would do in your position:

Pay off the £10k immediately

Put £20k into a cash ISA - this is your Emergency Fund in case, eg, you get made redundant and need to survive for a bit while you apply for other jobs.

Speak to your mortgage company and explain you have a a 90k lump sum to pay down your mortgage and ask the best way of doing this (eg they might say do 10% of the mortgage now, without incurring a redemption penalty, and the rest when your fixed rate finishes in x months time)

Now you’re left with £110k on your mortgage. You might have a lower rate of interest if your loan-to-value ratio has dropped.
Ask your mortgage company how soon you can be shot if your mortgage if you continue to work full time and continue to make the same payments that you’re managing today.

Being mortgage free - owning your home with no payments whatsoever - will give your such peace of mind.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well 😊

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 10:48

ConcernedOfClapham · 19/07/2025 15:47

Or a divorce 😤

Show quote history

How do you divorce your brother??

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 11:05

Franjipanl8r · 19/07/2025 16:50

Life is for living. I’ve spent a lot of money working part time and ad hoc and travelled and enjoyed myself. I don’t regret a single moment of it. I’d use some of the money for a sabbatical or once-in-a-lifetime trip and then save the rest. I definitely wouldn’t be fretting about pensions, mortgages or investments at your age.

It's exactly the time to be thinking about pensions!

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 11:17

GAJLY · 21/07/2025 09:04

Of course that's alot of money! That's half the amount my house cost!!! Ignore your brother! Pay off your debts and put the rest down on the mortgage. The mortgage will become cheaper and you'll save more money.

But if she can earn more interest saving it...

BeRedRobin · 21/07/2025 11:17

It's life improving but not life changing enough to go part time. I believe your brother tried to convey the same in an awkward manner. You need to pay off your debt and invest the rest wisely so you get a bit of extra income regularly.

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 11:23

SunnyPrague · 21/07/2025 10:47

Your brother is tactless and thoughtless. What an arse. His comments have understandably upset you. I’m sorry, OP.

Yes, £120k is a huge amount of money! Potentially life-changing!

You can and will do whatever you want with it, of course. It’s yours. You haven’t asked for financial advice but (sorry, I can’t help myself) here’s what I would do in your position:

Pay off the £10k immediately

Put £20k into a cash ISA - this is your Emergency Fund in case, eg, you get made redundant and need to survive for a bit while you apply for other jobs.

Speak to your mortgage company and explain you have a a 90k lump sum to pay down your mortgage and ask the best way of doing this (eg they might say do 10% of the mortgage now, without incurring a redemption penalty, and the rest when your fixed rate finishes in x months time)

Now you’re left with £110k on your mortgage. You might have a lower rate of interest if your loan-to-value ratio has dropped.
Ask your mortgage company how soon you can be shot if your mortgage if you continue to work full time and continue to make the same payments that you’re managing today.

Being mortgage free - owning your home with no payments whatsoever - will give your such peace of mind.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well 😊

having a cash safety net can be more useful than just paying a mortgage off. People still have other bulks that need to be paid and you can't pay them with a mortgage free house without selling it.

FrenchandSaunders · 21/07/2025 11:50

That's an enormous amount of money to be gifted OP. How ungrateful to the family member who did such a lovely thing. I wish they had given you £240K and given him nothing!