Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

[Allcrisisnocalm]

Fuck fuck fuck
my partners mum won’t last the night (totally unexpected)
i want to be with him - he’s 3 hours away
but I’m due to fly tomorrow morning to America with my three kids - first time they’ve been out to see my family there in 9 years - I have no family here other than my kids. Literally due to leave for the airport at 7am tomorrow

I don’t live with my partner so his mum my kids have only met once.

DP was due to join us a week later with his kids

I’ve checked the travel insurance policy with a fine tooth comb (am a lawyer) and defo won’t cover the mum of my partner as we’ve got separate insurance policies
my policy is just for me and my kids rather than a joint policy with partner

I don’t know what to do

I could maybe see if I can push the flights back 24 hours but it looks like it will be another £3k (same cost as original)

or send my 2 youngest with my 18 yr old and join in 24 hours? A huge responsibility for the eldest and im not sure im comfortable with it but could speak to eldest to see what she feels about it
youngest two are 11 and 15 so not babies
they’d be met by family

can’t work out the extra flight cost just for me but I think it will be around £1k , that’s not great but better than £3k but I don’t know if I can send my kids alone

fuck fuck fuck

OP - when my dad died very suddenly I had all sorts of friends and family trying to "come be with me" to support me. I just wanted to be alone. It wasn't until 3 - 4 days later that I started wanting to let people in.

When he says he wants you to go, it may well be that he really doesn't want people around him right now rather than him saying it so you don't lose out.

Give up on sleep, get everything packed, and crash out on the plane in a few hours.

He’s messaging me and I’m replying

I agree with @Greengagesnfennel. Fly out with the children, keep in touch with your DP and then you can always fly back early to support him if you need to.

If your children need to fly home alone, that’ll be easier.

I’d take your kids. I’d be very worried immigration won’t even let them travel alone as it will raise red flags surely.

She has passed now

I'm sorry for his loss. I am glad it did not drag on, not trying to sound cruel, just that sitting in the hospital with a dying parent is hell.

Condolences on the loss. My Dad died after a long illness. Mum had already passed away. Both my brother and I had weekends away booked which were non refundable and quite expensive. Boutique hotel in Snowden for them and Las Vegas with rugby for us. We all went away but did have some guilt about it. I know it would have been what my Dad would have told us to do. I am sure that you can support from been away, your kids need you too and would be so disappointed not to make the trip

It is definitely the right decision to go as planned, OP. As hard as it is, you can't really cancel going when it is such an important occasion and absolutely you shouldn't send them alone. 18 is quite young to still to be taking responsibility for younger siblings and American immigration can be horrendous.
For the first few weeks, your partner will likely have spent it with his own family and dealing with practical matters - this might be easier alone anyway

I am so sorry op. 💐💐💐

.

He isn’t your partner. He’s your boyfriend. You aren’t married, you aren’t engaged, you aren’t even living together.

Go on your trip. You need to see your family. It’s been almost a decade without seeing them.

I’m guessing it’s Orlando since you said the airline is Norse. That’s my local airport (I live 40 minutes from it). Happy to call the airport for you if you are sending the children here alone and need to alert the airport authority. Hope they have a great vacation when they get here.

Just saw the update that you are flying Saturday. Have a good flight. I think it’s the right thing to do.

I do hope you get some sleep.

Just make sure you've packed the important things: you can buy things you forget once you've arrived.

Stay calm, stay in touch with your man and enjoy your holiday.

And my condolences, too. 💐

he’s got his adult kids and two siblings at the hosp

In this case, just proceed on with your trip as planned. He is not alone but surrounded by immediate family.

I used to regularly fly unaccompanied minor from the age of 9 alone, the airline helped look after me, not sure if that's still a thing? I flew without that service from aged 15 so would think your eldest two wouldn't need it anyway

I would say this for most places, but excluding Trump USA. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the kids ended up being dumped in Guam as illegal entrants into USA despite everything being in order. It’s frightening. I’ve been to USA many times in the past, but I refuse to do so at present, I have no sense of security with entering that place at the moment with the stuff that lunatic is carrying on with.

Sorry for your and his loss. You met her many times and your kids once - so sure you are upset she has now passed 💐

this is a trip of a decade if not a lifetime if happens every 10yrs or so and as blood relatives important to your dc

safe flight

Sorry for the loss.

OP, sorry to hear she’s passed & what an incredibly tough situation for you all.
My thoughts are as follows:
Your children should always be your priority, and although tough this is no different.
Fly this morning with your children to the US and remain in contact with him. The chances are in a week there will be nothing to be done and escapism may be the best thing so it may still be the case he joins you - albeit less of a ‘holiday’. Once you arrive, if you need to come home & go back on a return flight to the US, do that. It’s gonna be not much cost difference to changing your ticket by the sounds of things & allows you to remain flexible. Be guided by him - clearly these circumstances aren’t ideal.

I know this sounds obvious- but ask him. If you love him - and he loves you and your kids. I imagine he’ll tell you to go but will appreciate being asked. If you do without asking - you’ll be riddled with guilt, I imagine. I’m so sorry OP it’s shit

I am so sorry for your predicament but I’d put my kids first. They must be so excited about this trip.
I really hope he’s the kind of man to tell you to go.

@Allcrisisnocalm - I’m sorry for your loss.

You are not doing to him what your ex did to you. It’s a totally different set of circumstances.

He will need your support over the long term - the immediate aftermath will be busy and he will have lots to do in sorting things & meeting emotional needs of his kids.

Safe travels. She’s passed. Your kids are here - try to do what you can to focus on connecting with those relatives - family is important in the face of death.

You can still support him from America

So hard OP but 9 years is a huge amount of time not to see your family.
Of course you must go.
Listen to him, even he knows its right.
God forbid anything happens to any of your family and you hadn't gone.
Be clear in your head, this visit is an absolute priority for you and your children.
He has his family around him.

Mind yourself, I'm so sorry.

I feel desperately sorry for you, stuck between a rock & hard place, BUT your partner has said go & the collective support of MN said the same.
I think a previous reply summed it up well, your previous experience is clouding your judgement a bit & again my condolences for your friend & parents loss.
Im sorry she has passed away RIP, any death let alone a sudden one is awful.
Please get your flight knowing you did everything you can to support your partner & do not feel guilty you have done your best.
Sending you love & hugs OP & saying quiet prayer for your MIL. xxx