New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

He obviously thinks secretaries, a vital role in any good company, are beneath him and used that to belittle you.

Next time he’s rude to you (because if he’s a dick, there will be a next time) respond with something like this:
Wow, what a strange and rude thing to say to someone? Then repeat back exactly what he say to him and walk away.

Unfortunately, sexism and misogyny is alive and well- I work in Finance and it’s rife. Even when I am on a social setting and I am asked what I do and I tell them I am a Finance Director most males struggle to hide their surprise. Some industries and men are still in the dark ages. I just enjoy proving my worth professionally by being excellent at my job and not giving them the time of day. It says far more about him than you. Hold your head up and report any further comments.

Luckily there is such a thing as a probation period... maybe towards the end of it check with female colleagues what their experience of him has been. Especially if they're lower or at the same level in the hierarchy as him.

Op your thoughts are a little, me me. My thinking is that he would have expected a secretary to collect him and not somebody in your position.

What age bracket is he? Hard to imagine a younger person saying that whereas some of us over 50s may have been in the workforce when women in management were in the minority and nearly all secretarial roles were held by women. Even allowing for this he shouldn’t have said it.

Definitely sexist overtones going on there. A comment like that would get my back up.
He's not going to be popular with the senior ladies is he.

It wasn’t just sexist, it also implies that he thinks managers are too important to do “menial” jobs like collecting visitors from reception. I’d be so tempted to take the piss when working with him (“oh I don’t know how to do that, I’m only a secretary” etc) but obviously that would be extremely unprofessional! Do keep an eye out for other red flags though and make HR aware of what he said.

I don’t think is rude nor sexist! Maybe he just thought someone would come and get him and then someone else interview him! I think you’re being overly sensitive!

You do sound offended.... but that is not my problem...
I do have a right to my own experiences and I have not experience the "oh, a woman, so she has to be the secretary" vibe thing. That is extincted in my circles. So, do not attempt to correct me!
If you do have issues of this stoneage type, sorry, but not my fault.

He might have thought that you were collecting him to take him to the interview room, as in he didn't expect you to do it yourself, so he was referring to the informality as a positive maybe.

I think you should at least let HR know, in case it becomes part of a wider picture over time.

Could he have ment that on previous interviews he has not been met with a member of the interviewing panel, so was just surprised.

Feck off with the senior ladies comment.

Is being a Secretary a bad thing? I was one a long time ago.

It implies he's a complete moron and you shouldn't have hired him

By senior, I meant higher up the corporate hierarchy, not age related.

Not rude, but totally sexist. Shows he’s still living in the 80’s

Could it be because you came and collected him and nothing more than that.... Or maybe it's the other manager getting you to collect them so you know your place.....

Too much time to make stuff up and not enough work.

I don’t and haven’t worked in an office for 40 years, so my perspective is different. You did ask him what he thought, and perhaps he meant more that he was surprised that a manager went to get him rather than a secretary. Not saying it’s ok, just a different slant in if. Also if he says nothing else I would let it go.

So, after you told him your role he said ‘I thought you were the secretary’?

Hmmm definitely sexist but not an unusual comment in my line of work, I was an office manager and the guys working in the field and next to me the office regularly referred to me as a secretary or receptionist! Sometimes to my face, I ignored it for the most part after a while as I think they were trying to get a rise out of me and see if I would snap. I lasted a year to the day before I walked out after a customer threatened me physically and HR didn't intervene. Would have loved to be a fly on the wall when they realized the 'secretary' was the one who ordered and paid for all the consumables they needed to do their actual job and entered all the timesheets 😂 Wankers.

He should probably learn to keep his sexist dribble on the inside, instead of sharing it.

Is being disingenous a bad thing? I haven't done that for a long time.

Precisely this, could be innocent.

Do you carry yourself a certain way that doesn't exude authority OP?

I know a general manager who people always mistook for one of the lower down colleagues, as he dressed like Richard Branson on a bad day.