New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

Over and above the bias he is showing (which is a concern in itself), there is also a massive question about his judgement, right? He might have thought that, but to say it out loud to you is a level of stupid again.

I was once interviewed by someone I thought was the graduate trainee sent to get me from reception. Turned out to be my (very baby faced) boss which I worked out after a short time. I certainly did not tell him even when he later remarked on how relaxed I was in the interview!

Perhaps he assumed you were the secretary as he would have expected the boss/exec to be busy/planning the interview/preparing the interview etc. and not greeting candidates at reception? Maybe he's impressed at how hands on people are at the company?
I mean I have no idea on office etiquette these days but when I worked in that environment it was usually a secretary or office team member who would fetch guests etc from reception. A bit 90s now though I guess!

But again... he may not be able to help his initial bias but why on earth couldn't he just keep it to himself? Why does he have to share it?

It suggests someone with no judgement and a terrible filter that he chooses to say this literally when he's walking into the office on his first day.

Could just be a one off, let it go

This. Just a daft passing comment, for "something to say". On the basis that 99% of men are utter pillocks, I'd just put it down to the Y chromosome.

Hankies to those who are touchy about men being sexist.

Bless.

Misogyny at its finest 🙄 What an arse!

LOL, what an odd attitude. You should have said 'oi mate, the 1970s called, they want their attitude back!'

Seriously though, I don't know if I would want to employ/work with a dinosaur like him.

But you’ll concede that it’s not a management position and therefore responsible for recruitment ? I think that’s all people are saying - nothing to do with pulling down or denigrating secretaries.

Nooo... PPs are literally saying that the guy was suggesting she was junior.
And a good secretary/PA would of course be part of the recruitment process. Going through CVs, deciding who to put forward to the MD is often a key part of the job.
Secretaries/PAs and receptionists are very different roles.

Ok it was a sexist comment but you can’t go running to HR about that, come on! To all the people saying that.

all you can do is keep an eye out for future incidents

I've had quite a few interviews in the last couple of years, and I've always been collected from reception by the hiring manager, who would be my line manager if I got the job, and one of the interviewers. Maybe IT is different. We tend not to have even departmental secretaries, though I assume they do in the C-Suite.

Anyway, I agree with those who think he's sexist and wouldn't have said it to a man.

I've been in my current job about 7 months, and today I met a guy to whom I've spoken on the phone/instant messaging many times, and so built a picture of him in my head. We don't use cameras, and i haven't seen a photo. So when we actually met today, I didn't say, "oh Dave, I pictured you as a middle-aged white bloke," because the only person who would have looked like an idiot would have been me. Likewise, I haven't mentioned to a colleague who was in my interview what I thought of his hairstyle on first meeting him.

You don't have to tell people your first impressions of them. Often, it's better not to. He could have chosen to say nothing.

(Why does everyone on Mumsnet think everyone else's job is just like theirs? How do you know he even has clients?)

What he said was certainly clumsy and inappropriate. I don't know why you'd involve HR right now, as some suggest. Just talk to him, and your manager, about it.

I’m a Director of an Apprenticeship Training Company. A male Tutor supported me the other day and a female student said “is he your boss then?”. An 18 year old woman. Incredible.

True and for all you know he might be sitting at home thinking omg what a dumbass comment I made. What was I thinking?

@EBearhug

I've been in my current job about 7 months, and today I met a guy to whom I've spoken on the phone/instant messaging many times, and so built a picture of him in my head. We don't use cameras, and i haven't seen a photo. So when we actually met today, I didn't say, "oh Dave, I pictured you as a middle-aged white bloke," because the only person who would have looked like an idiot would have been me. Likewise, I haven't mentioned to a colleague who was in my interview what I thought of his hairstyle on first meeting him.

Thank you! It's the presumption, the lack of filter, the downright gormlessness of it.

Thinking its OK to say something this entitled and tone deaf to someone who is a) your superior and b) you've literally just met is something people only do when they feel very confident about themselves.

Because of course, he thinks he's better than her.

I find it astonishing that so many people are excusing him for this.

I wouldn't care. It's just chatter. Are you feeling you have some sort of feminist point to prove. Yawn.

I’ve had this before. We always ask the receptionist their views of candidates - were they polite, punctual, pleasant? The receptionist would call us and give her views and would generally then bring the candidate up (obviously they couldn’t hear what she was saying). We had one candidate where the receptionist said he had been unbelievably rude, and she didn’t feel comfortable bringing him up. I said I’d come down, and before I could introduce myself, I got a torrent of abuse on how we’d kept him waiting (we hadn’t, he was late), and he just seemed very angry. He then asked if William was interviewing, he knew William, good mate, etc. I said William was a bit junior for the panel but he’d be interviewed by the COO and two experts. I then took my place as panel chair, and he asked when I was going to fetch the COO. Umm, that’s me? He continued to be rude to me and my female colleague throughout the interview, but was charming to the man. He didn’t get the job, and I gave him some quite frank feedback.

secretarys were men until the w11

Did you ask him why he said that? It seems a.really odd thing to say in response to your question. And it seems even more odd to say it your face even if he thought it! I think you should talk to him. He might have meant something different and it came out wrong and now he’s tying himself in knots over insulting a senior manager at his new workplace! It’s so odd I do think it needs clarification.

I love the people incredulous that you could introduce yourself and still have this happen.

I am often, often referred to as a nurse, asked when the doctor is coming, or complained to that no doctor has been involved. Every single time this has happened I’ve introduced myself as a doctor, and am wearing a badge reading Dr Everest. It’s even happened multiple times that the person has insisted introduced myself as a nurse.

There are many many people so sexist that it overcomes the evidence of their own eyes and ears.

its because you’re female. Extremely sexist.

To those saying he might have assumed this because he’s used to workplaces where secretaries always fetch interviewees, the point is do you really think he would then have made this comment to a male colleague? I struggle to imagine/believe that.

I would certainly be wary of him and keep an eye on him. Might have been a clumsy one-off (who hasn’t had a foot-in-mouth moment? especially when nervous like on a first day), but if it isn’t, you’d want to mention it to your joint boss, especially while he’s still on probation.

Ok who the fuk would do/say this anyway? If I wanted tea I'd ask where it's available. I struggle to think who would go up to somebody and ask/tell them that.

I actually think this is somewhat of a compliment. I did supply in a school one and I thought the 26 year old teacher was from a secondary school he looked so young. I told him and he laughed. I'd be flattered if somebody thought I looked very young.