New colleague comment - rude or misunderstanding?

[RunnerDeb]

A new (male) colleague started on my team recently. I interviewed him along with our (male) manager.

Conversation with new colleague yesterday about how he found our companies interview process compared to his previous company. He said that when I came down to collect him from the office reception ahead of the interview he thought I was the Secretary and was surprised when I sat down to interview him!!

Is it me or is that a really rude comment. There’s one thing thinking it, another saying it. It implies I wasn’t suitable to be in that role.

Yes, you can and should go to HR about sexist comments. Why wouldn’t you?

Well in fairness most (Vast majority) roles like secretaries and classroom assistants are females so I can see why he thought it. I recall working in a school once on long term supply and on my 1st day I thought the assistant head in the room was the TA. I'm sorry if that makes me sound sexist but in every school I'd been in up to then all the Tas were middle aged women so she was one.
Also mn is pretty hypocritical when pointing out sexism. We have no bother pointing out how the vast majority of abusers/ sex offenders /criminals are male and that it's just a fact and yet in this case when somebody assumes a woman collecting a man for interview is the secretary then all hell breaks loose. Most secretaries are female in the same way most construction workers and HGV drivers are male so it's an easy mistake to make.

Well janitors don't come and collect people for interview. Secretaries do so it's different.

He was sexist and rude. You have missed the moment for telling him so, but you’ll be ready if it happens again.

Actually, didn’t you introduce yourself when you collected him?

There really is a bad tone on this thread. Do you think people who deliver food are lesser?

Eh do you read mumsnet? I see sexism everyday but we only call it out when it's against females.

Maybe it’s more that in past offices he is used to secretaries collecting etc - i remember a new job once and the head of the company (male) came and sat in my office at the end of my first day to see how it had gone - i was quite shocked - i was used to being summoned to senior people. Give him a chance

Wow, he announced himself as a blatant sexist. You could still pick him up on it. ‘When I asked you about our interview process you responded with a personal remark. I’d like to invite you to reflect on why you thought that was appropriate. Any thoughts?’

It is awkward after the event but that’s what I would have responded with at the time - picked him up on the difference between process and personal.

This is actually a fair point. He might have meant that in his old company managers / interview board did not come down to get the candidates.

However, this shouldn't be weighing on you regarding your ability / the perception of others of you in your position. This is on him, if he hasn't the common sense to filter his comments during his first week, to senior staff, while on probation, well.... it says a lot about him.

@Maldon

Well janitors don't come and collect people for interview. Secretaries do so it's different.

But whatever your ill-founded and prejudiced first impressions are, sensible people keep them to themselves. They don't feel the need to share that they've had a bigoted or discriminatory thought with their own superiors.

Only a very entitled or a very stupid person would think it a good idea to say to their new boss: "Ooh do you know when I first met you I thought you were very junior and unimportant." It's just a moronic thing to do.

But why should it be an insult?Gender aside, this is saying more about your bigotry than his. You are thinking that a secretary is inferior on your post.

@LoserWinnerPlease tell us the outcome of the meeting, and that student’s subsequent attitude. He sounded like trouble from the start!

@Maldon

But why should it be an insult?Gender aside, this is saying more about your bigotry than his. You are thinking that a secretary is inferior on your post.

Telling a woman in a professional context when you first meet her that you were surprised she was in such a senior position is sexist. You can twist this as much as you like but the litmus test is always whether this would have been said to a man. It very clearly would not.

I don't think a secretary is inferior: I have been one and I know how important they are in many organisations. This has nothing to do with my view of what a secretary does.

It's about a person choosing to make a comment to a senior, professional woman which implies you are surprised she is in such a senior role. In your first day on the job.

I would have been very sarky in response “I know, it’s shocking I have been let out of the kitchen”

Then just let it hang

I have a gender neutral first name. Recently I was doing the first slot in induction for new research students which had been arranged by the student support team. I got to the lecture theatre early, asked if I could log in and sort my slides because I was on first and was told by a female fairly junior (and quite young) member of the team that it cant be because Dr Genderneutralfirstname Surname is doing that. I just said I am Dr Genderneutralfirstname Surname and moved on. But I do wish I'd explored what it was that made them assume I wasn't. Was it because Genderneutralfirstname must be a man, was it because Dr must be a man or was it because an overweight late middle aged woman couldn't possibly be a senior academic.

I frequently accompany one of the Assistant Vice Chancellors to meetings with students and they assume I'm his secretary. No I am there to advise him on the regulatory and legal requirements. They don't treat my questions as seriously as his yet I am the one who will make the recommendation as to the outcome.

I recently collected a candidate for interview for an admin post. I introduced myself as
Genderneutralfirstname, we chatted as we walked across the campus. He was great and is now a new colleague. Whether he thought I was "just a secretsry" I don't know but he was mature enough to know how to behave. The candidate in the original post does not and needs to be picked up on it. It's irrelevant whether he'll be facing clients I the role, he'll be working with women and needs to be told he was sexist and patronising and it is unacceptable. It doesn't matter why he thought that, it matters that he didn't have the intelligence to keep his mouth shut.

It's sad that in 2025 there is still so much sexism in the workplace.

Then where was the confusion?

YTS, now that’s going back a while!

Exactly, as outdated as the comment made to the OP

You’re not wrong there

I genuinely wouldn’t mention it.
Just be grateful to have this incredibly useful information you have about your new colleague. You now know what you’re dealing with.

Bit odd to say it even if he thought it, maybe he thought people would laugh.
Was he not provided with your name ahead of the interview? How did he know who to ask for?
Probably not worth making too much of it unless he says something similar in future.

I think you have taken it the wrong way. I suppose it depends on the position/type of company but often candidates are taken to the relevant room by a secretary or other member of staff and only meet the interviewer once inside the room.

Yeah, you would think so but later I heard him talk about how pissed off he got with it. So was very glad I kept it to myself!!!!!!