To feel traumatised that ex wanted to give me 'one last nice week'

[LorettaYoung]

By this I mean we spent an amazing week together ahead of the break up and a month later during the break up I queried how we'd just had an amazing time together and he said 'I wanted to give you one last nice week together'.

I think back on that week. How he stocked up his fridge with all my favourite things. Also sexually he'd always been very vanilla and not wanting to try new things, but suddenly he said he wanted to do those things that week. Which we did. I keep thinking about those moments and how vulnerable I was and angry that he was plotting the break up the whole time.

I remember we watched a movie where the lead guy is making the break up long and drawn out, and he said 'well maybe it's ok to not say goodbye immediately sometimes.' I remember thinking WTF.

I feel like he treated me like a dog that was about to get down and feel it is almost a sadistic way to behave? Am I wrong?

In what twisted mind this is not being treated badly? Grateful??? WTAF? Are you in an abusive relationship or just have terribly low standards?

I genuinely do think some people think they are being 'nice' with this stuff. My ex left me 6 months after my mum died.

He thought he was demonstrating how considerate he was when he told me he had wanted to leave before but when she died he felt it would be unfair to do that to me so had "decided to stay for six months"

Even after telling me that I could have possibly thought well of him, but he told me six months and 1 day after - like he had marked it on the calendar. Absolute bellend

Having spoke to friends about this since I think that women do this too but the difference tends to be that for some reason a lot of men say thats what they did while most women just get through the important date and then pretend to make the decision in the moment

whatever, I'm sorry OP. It will get better, you will move on, and you will very likely end up with a better man to be father to your wonderful future kids. In time it will even turn into a story you and your friends joke about.

That’s awful - and yes the word psychotic springs to mind!

I know what you mean about the old dog - but just because he acted that way, it doesn’t mean that’s all you’re worth.

Before I got to the end of your post I was thinking "Jesus Christ he's treating her like a dog about to be put to sleep" .
I'm sorry sorry OP, I'd feel humiliated. It's like he wanted you to think everything is going amazing just to completely blindside you and pull the rug from under you when you expect it the least. Its a cruel thing he has done. And ironically if he had acted like he did that last week throughout the rest of the relationship it probably would have lasted, it shows he was capable of being a good boyfriend but just couldnt be bothered until it became a game to him. I also find the sex thing particularly messed up, why seduce you if he knew he was breaking up with you... I hope you are OK ❤️ you are so much better off without him

He means he wanted to exit the relationship leaving you devastated at the loss of him and forever thinking of him as the one. Absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his ego. It's a very extreme form of ego mania and a massive red flag, and reason all on its own to be hugely relieved you're free of him.

“I wanted to give you one nice last week”? What the fuck?? Who does he think he is? Let’s hope someone in the future gives him one nice last week then ghosts him. Smug cunt

I think this is why it’s hurting you - because you wouldn’t have consented if you knew the reality, and so you have consented under false pretenses and illusions and therefore the betrayal is worse. He’s a complete and utter a* for doing this to you and I’m so sorry he has. I don’t feel he has done this deliberately to mess you up though but has been very, very misguided in his actions and I think he sounds like a very mixed up person indeed. Give yourself some time to feel what you feel, maybe get some counselling or talk to a good friend but then move on and leave this idiot in your past where he belongs. You deserve so much better.

The exact same thing happened to me. We were in a LDR and he used to come and stay weekends. This one weekend he came and made a huge effort, we had a lovely time. Then on the Sunday prior to driving back he broke up with me. He said that exact thing "I wanted to give you one last good weekend". I went mad! The cheek of it.

To add insult to injury he then said "I almost reconsidered after we had such a good time but I do want to split up". Well thanks mate! And yes, like you I felt I'd had sex under false pretences that wkend. It's so deceitful.

All I can tell you is that time will lessen the hurt and anger. I suggest writing him a letter, not to send but let all your anger and frustration out on paper. I find that helps.

I know you're sad Op but it sounds like a lucky escape, wanting to give you a nice week before he dumped you sounds like a raving ego maniac on his part, poor girl, when she's lost me she'll only have her happy memories.

That's a genuinely horrible thing to do to someone OP. Look after yourself.

'FWIW I don't see how using deception in order to get someone to have sex with you isn't illegal.'

It is.

So he proved he knew how he should have treated you throughout the relationship and chose not to until he was treating you to ‘one nice last week’ ? I have no words OP, except to say that you’ve had a narrow escape.

I've never heard anything so shit in my life. He's an absolute arsehole amd you are so lucky to have escaped. The man is a first class w***. Never ever commjnjcatr with him again. What arrogant prick.

Yes this is psychotic. It's giving serial killer...

My ex did this but only for a weekend

We'd had a lovely 48 hours together,lots of sex,lovely food and a good time and I'd gone home,looking forward to the next time

He then plastered his new lady all over fb (knowing I'd see it,hours later) and it turned out he'd been shagging her for 3 months

I went mental and his excuse was 'I couldn't choose between you,so gave you a nice weekend but Ive chosen her as shes better than you'

I walked away feeling like I'd been assaulted-no way would I have shagged him if I'd known about her

A round if std checks later (and yep,he'd given me one) and lots of tears,I went back out there and met my now dp (who I trust 100%)

Him on the other hand,has done the same to a string of ladies and its all their fault when they blow up in his face over his own actions

He's innocent of everything in his head and us women are 'unreasonable' (backed up by his mummy)

I’m so sorry this has happened to you - completely awful behaviour from your ex. I just wanted to say that 2 months on from breaking up with someone you had been discussing a serious future with is not that long really. It’s ok to take a while to recover from a breakup, especially one as dishonest and manipulative as this one. I know it might sound glib, but the right person is still there in your future, and thank goodness this narcissist is in your past.

He wanted to make sure he'd done those non-vanilla things with you. Can't let another man have what he didn't already have. Twat.

Also, what a Nice Guy giving you a last fun week. Thoughtful. Because life will never be as good. Arrogant dick.

Fuck him. So many of us have been here. Live your life and come out the other side, through rage and sadness, and feeling like you didn't get closure (nobody gets closure in these situations, just forget that). You will wonder why you wasted time grieving, I promise you.

😯

Oh that’s terrible and very narcissistic of him, thinking you should experience the ‘best’ of him before he dumps you! That’s a very messed up way of breaking up. You have every right to be upset. If possible tell him (in writing) how thoughtless and downright cruel it was, even if that wasn’t his conscious intention.

Gosh that is unbelievably cruel, you have every right to feel upset.

What a cunt

Give yourself time to mourn, but you’re better off without him. What a dick.

This with bells on!

A lot of men have a deep need to believe they are the 'nice guy' and will go through all sorts of contortions to 'prove' it. It's not you. Move on.

wtf? That the behaviour of a serial killer