To think it was a bit disingenuous for no one to mention weight on ‘Too Much’?

[Pollysoftheworld]

I am around the same size as Lena Dunham. I am also similarly predisposed to put weight on around my face/ chin/ neck. Lucky us!
I have only watched the first few episodes of Too Much, but I know enough about Lena to know this is based on her life. The main character is also plus size/ curvy/ fat (choose your adjective of choose, I call myself ‘fat’)
Whilst the actress has a gorgeous face and hair, I do find her lack of consciousness odd, and it’s not like any plus size person I know.
Some may disagree, but I feel there is a lack of realism in the way that she presumes men will want to be with her (the musician guy, the footballer) when for me and most of my single, fat friends the question is always ‘but is he attracted to big women?’
Weight is a big part of what we consider attractive. Luckily this is changing but we are not there yet where guys in their 20/30s are queuing up to openly date big women. Some are! And many like to have sex with us in secret, but the idea that London is this metropolis of people who don’t care about weight is just not real.
Which leads me back to Dunham. When she was single, I imagine she may well have confidence walking into slim people’s spaces and flirting with footballers. She could do that as she was a rich, famous actress and writer. To presume someone much lower down in the pecking order would have similar confidence is a flaw in her autobiographical writing style. She was not a plus sized line producer trying to make it London and find love, she was a star.
I’m not shaming! It’s just something I noticed. Weight unfortunately still controls so much of our perception of others (see the many threads from people who have lost weight and found they get better service, more attention, flirting etc) and to not write about this experience is disingenuous.

Really interesting perspective. I totally agree with you although I hadn’t considered it previously. I was just massively enjoying a normal looking woman on TV. I find it so implausible to see gorgeous, model like women wrestling with anxiety and a pinch full of fat on her abdomen (I am not saying slim women cannot experience anxiety or lack of body confidence- of course not; just that most women don’t look anything like that)
I think Lena Dunham gets lots of things right. I find her dialogue good and her experience of being female is so much more truthful than most TV. I also love the character- I don’t relate as I’m not like that but I think she’s a well rounded, flawed but human character.

I think what you say is true of a lot of people - certainly me. (I am also fat)

However it’s not true of everyone, and the character is the show is v much at the smaller end of fat, so I think it’s perfectly believable she thinks she rocks and assumes lots of other people will agree (and given she thinks that, and she isn’t vast, they probably will). if you really think it’s so unlikely, I think that might be something you need to address

My main issue with the series is its disappointing shite..

I think it’s interesting to show that not all plus size women think the same way, I reckon there are plenty who have that kind of confidence.

I don't know her so sorry if I'm being entirely ignorant but from what you've said, I wonder if age and modern life gives her that perspective because, without being rude, when I was big as a late teen 20 years ago, being big wasn't anywhere near as common (and you didn't even have to be that big to be a Big Girl!) and so men would be seen as dating "the big girl" whereas now bigger women are more common and so men may not have the feeling of being the odd one out in the same way as maybe we did? So that might be part of the confidence?

Eta this is a really good and thought provoking post OP 👍

I haven't watched the programme so can't really comment I guess but what stood out to me is you seem to imply you can only have confidence as a big person if you're a 'star'. That's just not true.

I think the world is to obsessed with weight and this 'people need to accept me as I am not obsessed about my weight so I will talk of nothing else to show everyone I am not obsessed with the thing I cant stop going on about' maybe is just nice to have some peace without weight not being the centre of the universe?

I think you’re projecting your own insecurities here. I’ve no idea who she is or how fat she is but I’ve always been a size 16, and for a time a size 18, and have had men after me all my life and am now married. I’m confident in myself because I know I’m sexy. My experience with men is that for most of them it’s very much about your vibe. I’m good in bed and I know it and have fun with it. Men love that.

I’m being as honest as I can here but I’m sure someone will have something to say about my post. It really is my genuine experience. There’s a lot of fun to be had OP if you just work on your confidence.

Rebel Wilson in Pitch Perfect is a good role model for all sizes. @Somehowgirl the funny thing is that if a thin woman said she ‘was sexy and she knew it’ I feel she would be disliked but I think more people should be like you and give off the good light, whatever their size. You are an inspiration and I’m happy I read your post today. I totally agree with you x

Is Lena Dunham the one who SA'd her sister as a child? And with the racist tweets?

That is all I have heard about her.

I haven’t seen the show but I’ve been bigger most of my life and I’ve never felt the way you describe. Ive always had male attention and I am confident in how I look. I wouldn’t ever worry if a guy liked bigger women or not, I think most men like all shapes & sizes, they’re not really that fussy in my experience.

Thank you. I’ve never thought about my weight except for when I was an 18 and that was more that I felt sluggish and not great in myself. I think everyone should find their vibe whatever size they are. I find men and women sexy in all shapes and sizes if they have that spark about them. Your weight doesn’t give you the spark.

I haven't seen it so can't comment on it but I think you are right in general OP. I know many large and very confident women but every single one of them has learned to be confident despite their size. I don't think its possible for someone to be completely unaware of it as an issue in their lives. Our appearance becomes a fundamental part of who we are, we have to learn to accept ourselves and hope others do to. But that is a process for everyone, whether beautiful or plain, fat or thin however that process is more difficult or complicated when a feature such as a nose or bad skin is dominant. Nothing is more dominant or obvious than a large body so the acceptance process seeps into every part of your life.

Let's be honest, most men who fall for a big woman, fall for them despite their size. They like the package and overlook this, no different to me saying i don't find bald men attractive per se but I love my Dh anyway. Most would prefer if their partner lost some weight but love and accept them as they are. Yes I know there are men who specifically seek out bigger women but they are few and far between.

While think its refreshing to see someone big and confident, I agree by not acknowledging it is a bit disingenuous.

Edited to add, I am one of those bigger girls too, a size 16 so I'm speaking of my own experience here plus many similar sizes women I've met along the way.

This is so categorically not my experience.

I’m in my 30s and been in the overweight (not obese) category most of my life and never had problems attracting men at all. I did wear flattering clothes which she does not but maybe if I was ten years younger things would be different.

Me and my dd (both big) watched ‘Too Much’ with sheer incredulity. It’s a fat woman’s wet dream which is great. But a fantasy is all it is.

That’s not to say that a fat girl can’t be attractive. The actress certainly is. But that a young male hottie is supposed to be lacking any ego, or the typical male propensity to go for the beauty norm, is just so wildly unbelievable.

Add to that the fact that he’s supposed to be a musician and let’s face it, if that were real he would spend hours boring her about his own ‘creative influences’, he’d force his music tastes on her and instead of making her noodles and listening to her, he’d be talking for hours about himself and his own future dreams.

So I just googled her… I see she’s not Hollywood slim’ but is she really considered plus size?! She look like a 12-14!

I think there are so many more big and fat people around now generally, young and old, and as such being plus size has kind of become unremarkable. I refuse to watch the show because it's Lena Dunham who I just cannot abide.

In the 1980s when I was at University I weighed just under 9 stone at 5'2" and was pretty much the most overweight girl in my year! I was the fat one. Times have changed rapidly.

@Somehowgirl I'm actually glad to hear that! I need to work on my confidence and I wonder do I project that insecurity so that other insecure people talk to me!

I haven't seen the series (don't have Netflix), but perhaps it's a deliberate choice to portray herself this way?

Have we not had decades of films and TV series where mediocre looking leading men effortlessly attract model class women without question?

So perhaps she just decided that, as she's the writer and lead and she has the power, that it's time to redress the balance? I seem to recall "Miranda"- another series written by and starring a female comedian- having an improbably hot love interest.

I’ve always tended towards being bigger, although until now (at 50) I managed my weight fairly successfully and was usually around size 14 - 16. But, weirdly I always had a huge amount of success with men and always had boyfriends / lovers. So I didn’t go around London feeling self conscious or unattractive. I didn’t love the show but I also never considered that the main actress weight would count against her beauty. That felt relatable to me.

Are you sure you've googled the right person? Both Lena Dunham and Megan Stalter are definitely plus size.

I think we feel that way (and men act that way) because of the media we were fed as young people though. It’s good if people try to challenge that.

I think the idea that most men fall in love with women “despite” their size is the opposite of reality. Men like all sorts of different women but the vast majority are drawn to the vibe you give out. Men go gaga for sexy and sexy comes in all shapes and sizes. If you know your way around the bedroom they’re crawling on their knees for you. It’s nothing to do with fetishising fatness either. My husband had never dated anyone my size before and we fell crazy in love, and lust!

I love your username btw.

Megan Stalter is actually very “normal” sized - maybe size 16 UK?? I really think if you saw her out and about in real life she would not look “plus sized”, more like a large proportion of women in this country! I think more of an issue is how normalised it’s become for most actresses on our screens to be completely teeny tiny.. makes someone not teeny tiny appear vast..

You haven't watched Girls have you, OP?

Lena didn't care what people thought of her body when she was 25, I doubt she is suddenly going to care now.