To think a lot of women are “dating down” just to avoid being alone?

[ThatPeachLemur]

I’ve seen too many brilliant, beautiful women mothering dusty men and calling it love.

Agree. I do shudder when I read threads on here about fucking useless twatty men and the responses are always ‘leave him and find someone else’ or the ones who seem to think eligible older single men are 10 a penny and women will be spoilt for choice.

It’s like having any bloke is the be all and end all to some women. Honestly I wish I know then what I know now that being single is absolutely liberating and a fulfilling life choice.

I know exactly what you mean. Great, fun men with really boring, uppity women with faces like they need fucking laxatives (i even said to one such woman, the middle class, southern witch (i lived in south Manchester), "god love do you need some laxatives? You look fucking constipated!). And yes always moaning! Then again, they're probably like this because they indeed settled for these men and have miserable, sexless existences....

Amazing is where being in the relationship with that person is better than being single. Even if they aren't abusive and they don't add anything to make your life better than it was when you're single, whats the point in being with them.
My amazing is different from another woman's amazing. We all have different tastes and expectations and if we don't find a man that matches up to that, then it's fine to stay single.
My 10, would not be your 10.
If someone I consider a 10, doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, that's also fine

So many people settle because they also can’t afford to live alone. How many times do you see on here women not wanting to split with their husband because they’d miss the lifestyle?

Some women (and men) would rather be in an awful relationship than be single. Too much status (if that's the right word) is put on being half of a couple.

Some people settle because they want dc. As do the men they end up with. I know several couples like that. Got together to have dc.

They have free will. Women can make their own choices so I can't feel sorry for them.

It's always women like this- ones in shit relationships with equally shit men- who say this crap to single women. Don't budge: They just want you to be as miserable as they are. Your "friend" will be jealous as hell when you finally meet a great man.

My goodness, what an absolutely bizarre and patronising response.

Why did you assume I'm young and single? I'm neither, and I didn't ask you for relationship advice.

Yes, women deserve more. They deserve to be safe, respected, treated as equals. If you've missed out on that because you were brainwashed into thinking you have to put up with rubbish treatment while your man grows up, or you're too blame because of your own 'foibles' I feel for you. But implying women are princesses for wanting more than you had is toxic garbage.

Of course that's the case if you work in the criminal justice system. The vast majority of criminals ( well the ones who commit serious crimes anyway) are men so you will be surrounded by the worst of them.

Obviously the above sentence also supports the premise that there are more terrible men in the world than there are women but is ridiculous to that 95% of all women marry down ( as posted by someone else)

But since we are going with personal experiences I can think of several hetersexual couples, mine included, where the man is proactive, positive,organised, hard working, supportive and kind and the woman is depressed, disorganised, moany, over emotional constantly dissatisfied and/ or lazy.

I am 100% sure my life would be harder without DH in it and as we age I dread being the one left if he dies first. I am not so sure this is the case for DH. He tells me he loves me and thinks I am kind and he still fancies me a lot ( despite me being morbidly obese) .

When I ask him why he stays ( in particular periods when I am very depressed) , he says he has never been able to imagine living with anyone else. He is pretty self contained emotionally and I can imagine he would be more than happy living alone. I really have not married down in any way whatsoever.

In a life where I feel like I have failed in lots of ways, being very fat, disliking almost all the jobs I have done, Being a mediocre, at best, mother, few friends, I feel like my marriage is the one ares of my life I have has some success ( and luck) in.

Whilst I have sern plenty of absolutely awful men in relationships around me I also know plenty of good ones too. My FIL and one of my uncles in particular come to mind from much older generations ( I am 62) but also my nieces partner and the husbands of two of my cousins .

I am absolutely not an apologist for male behaviour and am often astounded by how some men behav. Posts on here about the behavior of some men in relationships can be frustrating and heartbreaking in equal measure but it really does not make things better or make us happier to believe that all men are terrible. It is also manifestly not true.

I can't help but feel like canseeclearlynow is a man with those sorts of opinions and inability to see that women may be happier without a man at all and considering women having standards as dangerous 😂
Surely women from previous generations that didn't have as much freedom to be able to choose and saw themselves or other women in miserable relationships, would be pleased women could hold these standards now.
I am also not single, but I certainly didn't settle the first man that showed any interest

And as sure as night follows day, any thread that vaguely criticises men, along come the ‘but women are worserer’ brigade to mansplaining and scold.

Every single time

Yes I see it less as well. I know a couple who got together in their early sixties and they are a joy to be with. Mind you that's rare. Happily single and would actually find it strange to be with someone now, unless they lived in their own home. I still enjoy male company but only in a mixed social setting.

Perfectly stated. 100% agree

I actually do think CanSeeClearly is a woman. Of the older generation that was groomed to accept “Struggle Love” as an acceptable way of experiencing romantic partnership.

The era where a “happy marriage” was categorised by a happy husband and a woman enduring whatever it takes to keep the marriage together.

Disagree. I left my marriage because it made me miserable. Met a man who loves doing the same things as me, we totally have each other's backs, we laugh all the time and he brings so much joy to my life.

So many people seem stuck in crap marriages that they're too scared to leave. That's what should be discussed.

Very disappointing if they are a woman and don't think the younger generations of women should take advantage of the changes to law and society that have made it possible to make choices they may not have been able to. I hope they haven't got adult daughter or granddaughters that are being told it's wrong for them to have expectations or feel like they are wrong to feel like they deserve to be in a relationship with a good person.
There are Mumsnet posts though where posters are worried about leaving their useless husbands that have cheated on them, don't help raise the children, do any housework and also expect them to contribute to the household finances, because their mother thinks they should work on the marriage with the shite husband that treats them badly. So I guess it is possible.
Now women can make these choices we seem to get judged for getting married or having children with terrible men and yet get told to settle down with a terrible man and not hold out for someone better, because we shouldn't have expectations or self worth.

The Nancy Astor quote, which suggests, its long been the case

Maybe they’re not dating down. Maybe they are just finding men at their real level, not the make believe fairy tale level they think they are at.

It's people around the couple that make the observation and assessment so if your peers indicate that then it's an opinion that holds some weight.

I’m not sure about this. I’ve seen lots of my peer group who ended up being main earner when the children were babies, killed the relationship dead

I know this may be considered quite controversial, but I actually think most people marry someone at about their level. On here we only hear one side of the story.

No these are observations from people outside of the couple.

If people outside the couple are making that observation then….

I agree. I'm happy remaining single at 33, because all the real nice men are already taken or married.