Nanny Dilemma

[BlankStreetMatcha]

I feel terrible for bring this problem to here, I have no children of my own so I would like some advice from other mothers.

So....

I am currently Nanny to a 12 year old boy, this is my sixth year working with this family, they are lovely people and I am really enjoy being part of their family and they've always treated me very well.

Now the Dilemma is Mum & Dad want to take a 12 day holiday alone and they've asked if I could take care of their son in the meanwhile. I have never minded helping them out in the past, a few days here and there, I don't feel as if they realise that I have a life of my own, and them dragging me away from it can be a huge inconvenience at times.

I find it very hard to say no, simple reason he is the most sweetest child you'd ever come across, and he has always been an absolute pleasure to take care of.

It seems like Mum & Dad do not want him or only want him with them when it's convenient for them i.e family events etc, they haven't attended parents evening for years, it's always been left down to me, which I don't mind, but I just can't comprehend why they don't feel the need to have any input in his school life or his life in general.

During the last couple of months there has been a few times when he has randomly expressed that he hates his Mum & Dad, I have never asked him why, because I don't feel as if it is my business or my right to question him further, and he is at that age children tend to start expressing themselves. I just tell him that they love him very much and then change the subject.

I feel as they believe showering him with the most expensive gifts, ludicrous clothing brands and the latest gadgets makes up for the time unspent with him and I just can't understand why they don't want to bring him along with them on their holiday.

I had made plans and now I feel as if it's my only option to cancel them, if I say no I am instantly going to feel guilty and they will probably try and palm him off with someone else, he should not be made to feel unwanted.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Does he not have grandparents and other relatives?
Does he have friends you could arrange play dates with on some days? I hope he is not a total loner who has nobody to hang out with just his nanny 😟

This poor poor child - luckily that he has you. Some people - dont deserve to be parents. I hope the mother or father reads this so she knows how awful shes being to her own son.

I think you need to ask for a fuck tonne of money and spend some of it on counselling. Your heart is going to be broken in a few years time when this child ages out of needing a nanny, possibly goes to sixth form boarding, whatever - and the parents will not be interested in facilitating a relationship. OR you’re going to have a teenager wanting to move in with you. I promise I’m saying this with the utmost kindness, you sound like a lovely person who has found herself in an impossible position, but however this ends it is not going to end well. You need some help around boundaries and how you’re going to extricate yourself from this.

There aren't any relatives close by, he has plenty of friends who regularly come with us on days out or come over for the day.

Seems like his parents are taking you for granted.
I feel it is unreasonable of them to expect you to take care of their child for 12 days.
You need to assert yourself (easier said than done). To think you have sacrificed relationships etc due to their expectations is completely unacceptable

Poor, poor boy. This is heartbreaking. There’s no chance if you refuse they’ll actually take him on holiday with them? And that could be a good thing?

You really don’t need to be the sole carer for that amount of time. If yoi have other plans then say so. Understand you want to do the best by the boy but if they always have you available they’ll never include him. Sad all round.

They really don't deserve him, you just can't fault him in any possible way.

He has always been very well behaved
Impeccable manners
He is very tidy, he always cleans up after himself.
He is kind and caring, the list just goes on.

That is what upsets me the most, I would understand if he was completely the opposite, he is a pleasure to look after, he always has.

I am certain that they will just palm him off with someone else. I have made the decision to take care of him whilst they go and have fun.

Yes that sounds like the best decision. How awful of them! I kind of hoped they may take him. Poor boy never having any family holidays.

He is lucky to have you!

I feel very sad for this young boy for being so emotionally neglected by his own parents. Thank goodness he has you OP to show him some kindness and interest ☺️

His lovely nature is probably down to you - if you’ve been the main carer for six years. That’s a long time at a crucial age.

Seems unlikely she would, the way she is described, And if she were to read it...the truth hurts, so be it.

I’d say no, to be honest. You’ve made plans and it’s not fair for you to rearrange them simply because they’ve asked. They sound like twats. If you rearrange for them the. You’re telling them they can treat you this way and you will always do it because you care so much for their son.

I would agree with this

Are you a live in or daily nanny ?

If live in, of course you look after your charge whilst the parents are on holiday.

If live out, then clearly they need to pay you considerably more to cover all the extra hours.

If he says again that he hates his parents, just ask him “what makes you say that?” and see what comes up. Open question, and it doesn’t shut him down, invalidate his feelings, or lead him towards any particular answer.

Presumably nannies have safeguarding training and someone to go to if a child does make a disclosure? Emotional neglect/abuse is still neglect/abuse.

Bloomin' hell, poor kid.

It's not up to you to undo the harm caused by their dreadful parenting, but if you do want to do this, I'd take him somewhere in the UK (holiday park etc.) with lots of activities and other kids.

I am daily, I have my own bedroom at their house I sleep over at least twice a week, due to them not coming home at a reasonable hour and it just doesn't make sense for me to go home.

Yes, I think I will ask the next time it comes up.

I think he is starting to realise that other parents are much more involved in their childs lives, and he is an only child as well.

As it seems like money is no object, could you offer to go with them on the holiday at your normal rates?

You could say that a) you are not comfortable them being so far away from their child in the event of an emergency with no near relatives to contact and b) you are concerned about the effect of such a long separation on him.

OP you are such a kind person. I am so upset for the young boy .Would it be worth asking him where he would like to go for a holiday and then the rich parents could pay the charges for you to take him.?

This makes really sad reading. Haven’t they attended any school appointments or activities?

I would say no. They are the child’s parents, you are the nanny.

What an absolute cheek!

This! It’s mind blowing!

I suspect these are what they call Ultra High Net Worth people a.k.a. stinking rich 😄
They often have children with no emotions attached and shove them off to a boarding school at the earliest possible occasion. They basically want heirs to their fortune.

If I were to go with them, they'd go off together and leave me to tend to their son, they've done it before.