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Original poster

Nanny Dilemma

286 replies

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 18:20

I feel terrible for bring this problem to here, I have no children of my own so I would like some advice from other mothers.

So....

I am currently Nanny to a 12 year old boy, this is my sixth year working with this family, they are lovely people and I am really enjoy being part of their family and they've always treated me very well.

Now the Dilemma is Mum & Dad want to take a 12 day holiday alone and they've asked if I could take care of their son in the meanwhile. I have never minded helping them out in the past, a few days here and there, I don't feel as if they realise that I have a life of my own, and them dragging me away from it can be a huge inconvenience at times.

I find it very hard to say no, simple reason he is the most sweetest child you'd ever come across, and he has always been an absolute pleasure to take care of.

It seems like Mum & Dad do not want him or only want him with them when it's convenient for them i.e family events etc, they haven't attended parents evening for years, it's always been left down to me, which I don't mind, but I just can't comprehend why they don't feel the need to have any input in his school life or his life in general.

During the last couple of months there has been a few times when he has randomly expressed that he hates his Mum & Dad, I have never asked him why, because I don't feel as if it is my business or my right to question him further, and he is at that age children tend to start expressing themselves. I just tell him that they love him very much and then change the subject.

I feel as they believe showering him with the most expensive gifts, ludicrous clothing brands and the latest gadgets makes up for the time unspent with him and I just can't understand why they don't want to bring him along with them on their holiday.

I had made plans and now I feel as if it's my only option to cancel them, if I say no I am instantly going to feel guilty and they will probably try and palm him off with someone else, he should not be made to feel unwanted.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:
saraclara · 03/08/2025 14:58

Excellent post from @Hol9191 .

It's ridiculous that people are demanding that OP contact the school emergency safeguardibg lead in the holidays, because the child has said he's depressed.

While the parents are responding to the needs reported to them by OP, there is no serious safeguarding issue. But I agree that suggesting to the parents that they inform the school next term, in order that they can be aware and potentially support the boy, is a good idea.

ScupperedbytheSea · 03/08/2025 17:16

To all the posters on here saying this is a safeguarding issue, and social services would be interested.

They really wouldn't. I have a number of friends that work in teaching/social services roles/safeguarding roles.

The bar is so high now for what triggers ss involvement, it's absolutely shocking. Not the fault of anyone in those professions, but there's just not enough money or staff to even scratch the surface of what needs doing.

And fee paying schools won't generally stick their oar in for a pupil's emotional wellbeing. They're used to rich, entitled parents, and want the money quite frankly.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 04/08/2025 09:02

ScupperedbytheSea · 03/08/2025 17:16

To all the posters on here saying this is a safeguarding issue, and social services would be interested.

They really wouldn't. I have a number of friends that work in teaching/social services roles/safeguarding roles.

The bar is so high now for what triggers ss involvement, it's absolutely shocking. Not the fault of anyone in those professions, but there's just not enough money or staff to even scratch the surface of what needs doing.

And fee paying schools won't generally stick their oar in for a pupil's emotional wellbeing. They're used to rich, entitled parents, and want the money quite frankly.

EXACTLY!

Thank you for clarifying this.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 04/08/2025 09:05

saraclara · 03/08/2025 14:58

Excellent post from @Hol9191 .

It's ridiculous that people are demanding that OP contact the school emergency safeguardibg lead in the holidays, because the child has said he's depressed.

While the parents are responding to the needs reported to them by OP, there is no serious safeguarding issue. But I agree that suggesting to the parents that they inform the school next term, in order that they can be aware and potentially support the boy, is a good idea.

Edited

I am certain that his parent will not want his schools involvement and I will not be notifying the school either.

Some of these replies and demands from posters here are just ridiculous!

'Contact the school'
'Notify SS'

No.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/08/2025 12:58

Why wouldn’t any loving and caring parent, if their child is in need of extra support - NOT tell the school of something said /happening at home

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 09/08/2025 15:03

Hi

Just a quick update, he has gone on a weeks break with his mother, hopefully it's the start of them building a mother and son relationship.

I guess my time is done here now, thank you to everyone who took time out of their day to comment.

OP posts:
Zonder · 09/08/2025 15:08

That's good. Is it just the two of them? Will they be doing things together? I'm hoping she isn't meeting friends and booking him into some kind of activities all day!

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 09/08/2025 15:09

Zonder · 09/08/2025 15:08

That's good. Is it just the two of them? Will they be doing things together? I'm hoping she isn't meeting friends and booking him into some kind of activities all day!

Yes, just the two of them.

He texted me and told me that he is having a nice time, I am VERY happy for them.

OP posts:
Zonder · 09/08/2025 15:10

I'm so glad to hear that.

saraclara · 09/08/2025 17:00

That's a great update. I hope it signals that his mum has realised that she needs to put some effort into the relationship.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/08/2025 20:07

BlankStreetMatcha · 09/08/2025 15:03

Hi

Just a quick update, he has gone on a weeks break with his mother, hopefully it's the start of them building a mother and son relationship.

I guess my time is done here now, thank you to everyone who took time out of their day to comment.

Is that the first time she has ever taken him alone

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