Would you want to interact with a much older mum at the school gate

[NopeIWontEnterAUsername]

I'm 47 and Dc is joining school in September. I will probably be the oldest mum there and possibly old enough to be the mum of some of the other parents!! At dc's settling-in sessions every one looked so young.

I know it shouldn't bother me. I'm not worried that anyone would be rude or unpleasant because of my age. I'm also not bothered about making friends at the school gate but it would be nice to have people to chat and exchange notes with while waiting and I don't want dc to miss out in any way because the other parents can't be arsed to hang out with me. I mean, for example considering how young they are if anyone invites dc for a play date they'd have to put up with me tagging along as well.

I'm also not white (first generation immigrant) but live in a predominantly white area (and the school's demographics look very homogenous to me) and I wonder if that will be a factor as well.

I know it's a controversial subject and it would be easy to say that "yes, of course, I don't care about age or colour" but actually I'd love brutally honest answers. I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking but maybe something like this: if you had a choice would you prefer talking to someone who is of a similar age and a similar background or ethnicity? Or do you feel more comfortable talking to someone who is of similar age and has a similar background?

Yanbu: yes
Yabu: no

Honestly age and gender or race never come into reasons as to whom I hung out with at the school gates.

Temper, attutide and humour is far more important. (And wanting a sneaky coffee)

I honestly think you are overthinking this. You'll get on with the friendly parents and probably the parents of your child's friends. I'm an older mum but never really think about it, I just talk to anyone who's friendly.

I’ll talk to anyone at the school gate. Someone being an older
parent wouldn’t bother me in the slightest

I’m not bothered but I’m usually rushing so don’t really talk much, I’ll speak to anyone. DD attends a lovely school, lots of friends, many different nationalities.

I truly do think this is a non-problem. Everyone chats at the school gates - everyone.

Plenty of mums in their 40s op. In 41 and my second starts in September 😁 I'd speak to you

I used to speak to the grandparents rather than the other mums so l would 100% speak to an older mum

I was 41 when DC1 started school 5 years ago. DC2 is 2 years younger. The age range of mums I speak to at the school gates ranges from 23 to 54 across just 3 school years. It's fine.

I had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and I at 43.. School gate socialising is best avoided at any age ime.

I no longer have children at school, but when I did, I would just have been happy that someone wanted to talk to me.

I’m a very old mum and have never had a problem.

This. Don't forget OP that a lot of grandparents will be doing school pick ups as well.

Very happy to chat with anyone at the school gates. Very happy to make friends with a different ethnicity. Probably wouldn't think of socialising much with someone much older or younger so play dates might be awkward in the very young years.

Non thing. My school gate friends are varying ages & ethnicities. No one cares, its more about whether you have anything in common

My best friends at the school gate are 32 and 50 and Im 40. Be yourself, find your crowd and if your crowd isn't there doesnt matter find it elsewhere. The school gate mums do not have to be your world.

I was much older than most of the other mums at DD’s school, I had her when I was 43. It was fine, some I was never going to click with but over time I found the few good ones. I’ve just been out with one of them tonight, the kids are now 22, she’s ten years younger than me. We had a great time

I don’t think this is any kind of issue tbh. The 2 friends I made in the school playground while waiting for my dc to be picked up were around that age. I must have been 23/24 when dc1 started in reception. They were late 40’s. They are close friends now almost 20 years later.

I think the school Mums I spoke to ranged from 21 to late 40s, different skin colours, cultures, religions too. Also grandparents who did drop offs/collection. Honestly, we all just had children finding their feet in reception. School did hold a meet the other parents mornings for an hour after drop off to encourage chatting.

But then we are in a very friendly part of the UK so we all just chat to everyone who will engage with us.

I often preferred talking to the grandparents, they were always lovely and not part of cliquey groups. Age didn’t bother me.

I mean school gates is same as workplace etc in that you’ll probably not get on with everyone but can gel with ppl of different ages from different places. I’d not worry about it but I’ll be in same position as you by the time my youngest starts school age wise and play dates are supposed to be about the kids getting on

It’s hard to answer Yabu or Yanbu as you finish with two contrasting questions?
I answered the question in your title with Yanbu because I’d have talked with an older mum.
As pp mentioned, ethnicity / age are only a couple of parts of the mix. I think friendliness, common interests, common interests of children, availability of time to chat, etc are more important.
I was an older mum and had lots of people to chat with. You could always get involved with the PTA etc if you would like a more structured way to get to know other parents at the school?

I ignore everyone equally at the school gates, because I am massively socially awkward and most of the mums are a) younger and b) already know each other.

I would actually be more likely to chat to you as an older mum, as I’d assume you’d be easier to make pleasant small talk with and wouldn’t be clique-y.

range of mum she’s in my daughters is like early 20’s to late 40’s. The very young mums I found don’t really chat at the school gate don’t know whether they are feeling like they don’t fit in but the rest from early 30’s upwards all tend to chat.
you will just end up chatting to the mums of the kids your child is friends with won’t matter about age or race x

It won’t matter in the slightest. I’m a similar age - have had no problem making friends. Smile, chat to anyone, job done.

I doubt you’ll be that much older than everyone, my friend just had a baby at 41 so she’ll be 45 when she starts school, lots of mums of young children are in their 40s these days