FGS wrong wine wrong pizza

[Missrosie123]

Just as the title says really. A busy day. I was going to do a Deliveroo order for pizzas and my favourite wine. DH insists on going to the shop. Comes back without the wine. Goes back for it and gets right brand but wrong type. Come to cook pizzas. Asked for two. He got both the same. The one type of pizza I don’t eat.
Im being pathetic as I’ve not even said anything. I can’t cope with his inevitable ‘I’m so rubbish at everything’ downward spiral where I then have to pick him up. Sick of carrying the mental load for everything. He is a good man and a good dad, it’s just not enough.

You’re not being unreasonable to be disappointed, I hate galaxy chocolate and prefer one wine over another.
If DH offered to go and get chocolate and wine for me and rocked up with a big bar of galaxy and the wine that i don’t particularly like I’d be annoyed.
Just like I know what his favourite sweets are and what pizza he likes, it’s about thinking of the other person not just grabbing stuff that suits you.

This. Either he thought of you and your needs, or he didn't think of you at all

agree and I love your username 😄

I had tears of this here is your pizza (or whatever) but it wasn't gluten free i literally couldn't eat it so he got to eat it all and cry about it (i had always been gluten free BTW it wasn't new) he would tell his family how bad he felt forgetting i was gluten intolerant they commiserate saying i should suck it up and I'm being "fussy" so I ate the pizza it made me ill i vomited everywhere he claimed he was "sick too" but I physically couldn't not look after the children he was awful about that he even suggested he book an appointment with the dr for himself his sil said what are you going to say you think you have "caught" your wife's celiac disease that seemed to shut him up for a bit

When incompetent men fuck up and sulk about how shit they are I dont coddle them I agree with them and say they better fix the problem.
Can't stand losers like this.

Agree with everything said by @WilfredsPiesat 8.30 - would he try this pathetic tactic at work?

Farking hell, I would have aimed my vomit at him.

Absolutely gob smacked people are still using deliveroo

Thanks everyone. You are actually making me cry with your validation of my feelings.

The truth is I have been unhappy for a long time and I keep telling myself my expectations are unreasonable.

He hasn’t done this on purpose, it’s just another indication of a lack of care when it comes to me.

i work full time in an intense role and ‘manage’ our life.He is good and kind and a hands on dad. Just not good with day to day life. I feel like everything he does makes my life harder. I have to ‘protect’ him or deal with the emotional fallout and I just don’t have the energy to deal with that as well.

It would destroy him if we were to split up and it would break my child’s heart. I just feel so trapped and claustrophobic.

Why?
I don’t use any of the delivery services. Either go and collect/delivery is from shop.

you are not responsible for his happiness ahead of your own....your child will eventually realise you are so unhappy. Its time to start sorting this out. Your partner is a grownup and you are ALLOWED to expect him to act like one.

Women in poor relationships write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

It won't destroy him if you were to split up but he will destroy you emotionally an d from the inside out if he is allowed by you to continue to do this to you. Your child will become markedly affected by their dad's behaviour towards you, he or she certainly will not be heartbroken and besides which you should not just the child as a reason to stay with him.

What do you want to teach your child/children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

What he is showing you is weaponised incompetence and that is extremely damaging to both you and your child. Do you think he would be this incompetent when it comes to his mother or his work colleagues?. No this treatment is reserved solely for you.

He can be a good dad without being your husband/partner.

Why do you not keep bottles of your favourite wine in the house? Frozen pizza? Deliveroo is expensive and not very eco-friendly.
And DH offered to go.

Oh that's REALLY what she needed to hear

This makes me so sad, why do some women have such low standards?

Men suck. This would really piss me of especially if id been fancying it all day

I can't 🙄 enough to you. Yes, it will be the over use of Deliveroo that finally kills the planet.

really? You're presenting this as a good example but the "look mummy I got the right wine this time! Aren't a clever little boy! Can I have a blowjob gold star as a reward!" is making me cringe.

He fucked up but apologised, okay, and then got the right thing next time. That's absolute bare minimum level of competence, hardly going above and beyond. He didn't need to bring it to your attention for congratulations, as if you're the default house task master and him the employee rather than an equal partnership of two adults.

It's like those men who come and tell you when they've mowed the lawn, or say things like 'I put the washing on for you.'

@Missrosie123 tell him you need to talk .
say it’s couples Counseling , single Counseling or you are over .
He needs to stop the self pity .

Start tomorrow by doing 1 less thing that is expected of you. And then the same the next day. Let the rope drop and stop micromanaging him. It's a learned behaviour from both of you, and it's toxic to any marriage. You need to let people fall sometimes and stop being their safety net. He gets away with this because he knows that you'll catch him.

If you live in a house, drive a car, have children, eat meat, eat anything imported from abroad, have any clothes or furnishings that weren’t made in the UK or have ever been on a holiday you haven’t walked or cycled to, then you’ve got zero room to be critical of someone using a delivery service because it’s not eco friendly.

And on a thread about a woman feeling she’s trapped in her marriage, what kind of person ignores every word of that and has a pop at the delivery service she didn’t use to order a pizza she didn’t eat? That’s beyond cold and unfeeling.

• I have to ‘protect’ him or deal with the emotional fallout and I just don’t have the energy to deal with that as well. It would destroy him if we were to split up and it would break my child’s heart. I just feel so trapped and claustrophobic.*

Please dont feel trapped. He may be incompetent and struggling to adult. He may be overwhelmed by life. Or he may be weaponising his incompetence. Or he may take you so much for granted he is not willing to use an ounce of care for things that are important to you.

Whatever the reason, it makes no difference. It is not your job to manage his feelings. And you dont have to not do what is right for you because he takes no responsibility for his own feelings.

Stop protecting him. He needs to cope with his own feelings and actions. If he is old enough to have a kid, he is old enough for this.

I think you need to get away - he will hollow you out otherwise.

I would have pointed at the pizza and asked what he thought you were eating. Followed up by have you ever seen me drink that type of wine? Then asked if you are truely that invisible to him that he is incapable of arranging a meal that you can eat.

Then I would have done what I was planning to do originally - ordered it myself.

When he hits the "I'm so rubbish at everything" record, I'd be agreeing. Yes. It's becoming weaponised incompetence now. He's an adult. He does things for others / works but for some reason where you're concerned he's consistently incapable. Don't bolster him up, he needs to know it's unacceptable. He needs to start pulling his weight and not leaving everything to you.

Using Deliveroo is significantly more expensive. We realised it was adding about 30% to the total cost of our order compared to ordering direct from the restaurant and going to pick it up. It's not just the Deliveroo charges they tell you about, the actual menu items are more expensive as well.